spousal confusion........

[mickie88]

ok here is some of what i have been dealing with.

the other day, wifey brought up again that she and this associate i work with believe that i'm more than friendly with customers when they come in, of both sexes. according to HER, IT'S ESPECIALLY THE SKINNY GIRLS i've not bothered to explain anything to him because he's almost 80 and still screws up pronouns, not intentionally, he just literally forgets no matter how i am dressed. but the two of them believe i'm flirting with everyone who's come in. all the other service writers know and have not reported such things to my wifey, they all don't care or it seems that way and refer to me properly(which i'm grateful for, makes the old guy just look like he's losing his mind...i know that's mean, but seriously when you're the ONLY one doing it what are people going to assume?...lol)

i wear makeup, but primarily on the weekends, because she complained that i was ALWAYS wearing makeup, so since we have been really short on money with me missing work due to being in a car accident and then a week later, having our third child, i had cut back so she didn't have to buy so much. i was trying to be considerate. but the two of them go on and on how i am trying to impress all the gurls at work and flirt with the customers. there are times i do not wear my wedding rings because i've recently had to pull them out of the garbage more than once, i'd have them resized cause her uncle is a jeweler but the last time he charged us $30 for doing it and we didn't have it(we figured he got in trouble for not charging us all the times before). i don't want to lose my rings so i either leave them in the car or in my pocket, if i have pants on. she's afraid something is going on because i don't wear my rings and i only wear makeup on the weekends, tho i've told her repeatedly nothing is. she says especially when the girls come in i get all giddy and smile a lot, etc. etc. etc. since i work in the auto industry @ a department store we haven't really had a lot of business, plus in our are a LOT of the factories asre closing and leaving the state, so when we have business, i feel yes, i'm happy to wait on them and make them feel welcome when they come in to their local tire and lube service center, so that they come back. the two of them don't seem to understand that i don't want to stand behind the counter and stare at people and have them wondering if i am going to come at thme with an axe. also our customer base is going to diminish even more now because they have done away with two oil packages that a lot of the older people get because they are on a fixed income(and trust me i understand this too). and they have raised the prices on all the ones we have left. a standard oil change is now $30 but includes our fifteen point service so i'm trying to make people feel welcome and want to come back because they get excellent cusomer service for the prices they are paying.

i have had skirts that she made me months ago, but havent been able to wear them because i've had no tops to go with them orlike yesterdys ensemble was of a thick material and finally cold enough to wear it. i'm hoping that helps but i don't know what else to do.....


------------MODIFIED---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[mickie88]

the question is how do i get them to see that there is nothing going on but excellent friendly customer service. i rarely call any one hun, dear, sweetie or anything of the sort at work because i'm afraid i'll offend someone, she says (from what i understand) that i should be bitchier and less friendly

the skirt thing has nothing to do with her pronoun usage, it's just the old guy who has problems, he says it's because he doesn't see me much, he remembers sometimes but when talking to my wifey like say on the phone, he severely uses masculine pronouns in front of customers, and going to the new store manager will do little good, from what i hear they plan on getting rid of all the management currently there and replacing them so no one is buddy buddy with anyone and cutting everybodys hours back to 25 or less. they keep that up they might as well just shut the store down. at that rate i don't see them lasting much past next Christmas, and my orientation is strictly lesbian, i wouldn't date a guy if i was the only woman left on earth. i work with too many of them to know it's not what i want to come home to every night or have come home to me. no offense to you guys on here :>)


Warrior Princess Mickie

[mickie88]

atm, we both work cause they wouldn't give me anymore hours till she was off maternity leave because we have so many service writers, she didn't want to go back. she wanted to stay home with all the kids, i know it's a lot of stress on her there at work because they treat her like crap, and they're pretty rude to me when it comes to pronouns too, i told her i would take her spot if it wasn't for the fact that i knew they do the same thing if i was up front and try and force me to use the mens room too because they assume i have male genitalia, so i told her no i just wouldn't do it because i wasn't going to go to work every day and be insulted by almost everyone and she kind of understands that.

i have been looking for new employment here in my area but the past few days there is absolutely nothing i'm even remotely qualified to do and i don't want to go back to factory work to do something harder than i'm doing now and get paid less and worry about whether they are going to close up shop in three months and throw me out on the street because i'm the new girl. not to mention that i haven't been able to afford to change any of my legal information due to circumstances here and there. it's only 10 bux to get the name change forms, but i haven't been able to save that because i've been taken care of everybody else (yet i'm being selfish according to her), i've asked my dad to help but i haven't really seen anything to go towards my transition, he's helped with other stuff.

hopefully after we take care of other stuff we need to with our tax return, i can get this legal crap taken care of, so it won't look like i'm lieing when i apply for jobs. i hate it when they ask questions like have you ever been known by another name? she figures that if they do a background check and put all my information that i put on their that is what's screwing me out of interviews, but ok, explain why resumes i have sent out have gotten no response? and they don't have any of my background information like my ssn. and a lot of the places i've applied "say" they don't discriminate against gender identity but i've not even gotten a thanks but no thanks email from most of them.

more later....

Warrior Princess Mickie

[Ms Bev]

That's an awful lot going on, Mickie.  Times are tough for us too.  Retail sales have sucked lately, and have been down in general. 
One thing.....have the two of you sought the services of a therapist?
Otherwise, you CAN afford makeup.  It doesn't have to be top of the line to be good.  You can buy L.A.Colors, or e.l.f......These products are $1.00, look good,  are easy on the skin, and easy on the wallet.
Also there is the great discount store, Salvation Army, and Goodwill.  There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with getting very nice clothes at these places.  On wednesdays, clothing is marked down half price at salvation army.  I don't hesitate to buy a $70 skirt I like there for $2.50 when I see it.
There is no reason you can't look great every day of the week, if you want to.

I'm looking for another job too.  But, I find it harder at 58 to make a change, and many people don't look at my technical and administrative experience that's decades old.  So, I'll do my best where I am at the moment.


Bev   

[Alicia Marie]

Mickie,
  I can sympathize with your situation as many people do not have a spouse that is understanding about employee/customer relations. Many times I appear to be flirting myself. I guess I am lucky to have a wife that understands and doesn't care.
  It is actually company policy to not only greet customers, but to answer their questions as well. Many times that can lead to having them share their life story with you as well as their joys and sorrows.
  I actually received a maximum raise with my latest evaluation and it was noted that I took the time to talk to customers and co-workers. That's a borderline miracle since I have broken every rule imagineable.
  I guess maybe I look like the local bartender since people seem to come to me and share their sadness and secrets. I don't mind trying to give them a word of encouragement.
  If your spouse works in your retail outlet she should know that customer service includes stuff like talking to the customers in a pleasant manner.
  As for the rings, it isn't really wise to wear them when working around cars. Even a supervisor can act without thinking to assist a mechanic and lose a finger.
  We have an old guy in our department and I think sometimes he doesn't remember his own name, let alone anything else. I guess it just comes with age. I'm a space-case and I'm only in my 50's. Maybe it's easy for him to forget as straight people aren't faced with issues like proper pronouns each day. They have other issues that are probably important enough to them that they really do forget.
  The store I work has the highest pay for my given job classification. They beat the competition by about 2-3 dollars an hour. We have gay and lesbian people in Support Manager and Assistant Manager positions.
  In these times with so many jobs being lost I would just stay rather than risk losing an income all together. But that's just me.
  I hope it all works out.
  Alicia

[mickie88]

ok, i'm sorry all, i mistyped my first post. oh hell might as well get it over with- i just flat out lied. i do flirt with all the skinny gurls and plenty of the guys. i mean i only have a wife and three kids to take care of while trying to transition, but yet somehow i must have hidden funds and time to cheat on my wife. i've tried time and time again to explain to her that i have a strict moral code that I DON'T DATE PEOPLE I MEET AT WORK OR WORK WITH. my uncle wouldn't hire family in his store for the same kind of reasons, so i adopted my own policies. i guess she would rather have me lose a finger, than worry about my safety.

i even asked her sister for some help trying to explain this to her, and misconstrued the whole story, like always (i'm so good at screwing crap up--i mean really i should get an award for it. and not thinking too). she says it sounds suspicious of my actions(from what wifey told me), but i told them both and i know damn well they'll never see me as a woman, they just won't. my wife does when it suits her usually but her brain doesn't function when it comes to her sister who knows. i give her credit when she does refer to me properly, to certain people she has gotten better, i know it's going to take time and i'm really trying to be patient, but i'm guessing family will never do it.

and she works at a bank but i guess her version of friendly is friendly for her but when it comes to me i'm just flat out flirting. i've decided not to ask sis for any more advice(i figured she'd side with her no matter what). she thinks the old guy is looking out for me, her and the kids. i really don't see how tellimg my spouse that i'm flirting with customers (when i don't believe i am) is looking out for me.


Warrior Princess Mickie