am i being rude?

[mickie88]

ok we went to thanksgiving dinner yesterday on her dads side of the family. everything pretty normal. people are finally at least getting my name right. but this is when they ask if everybody wants to the gift exchange for Xmas. i don't like doing it at least for the past couple of years, because 1. we haven't really had the money to buy other people gifts(they have tons of money compared to us). and 2. i don't like buying gifts for somebody i don't really know, and since i can't really come out to this part of the family yet(the wife is far from ready and i'm trying so hard to show her some respect). i usually get the same guy(because they refuse to have intergender gift exchanging) and last year i didn't know what to get him and ended up getting him something he already had. i don't like the idea of some guy getting me more clothing i don't want (i'm not the tomboyish kinda girl her and her sister are even if it is nascar stuff) and i don't have the patience to stand in line at some place like JCpenneys this time of year to return it, and i know my wife severely has less patience when it comes to this as well. she knows we really don't have the money for it, but said yes this year because she knew they would try and force it on us anyway because most of them don't understand we like our jobs(just not some of the things there), even though they don't pay high dollars like theirs do. so i told (unknown name after 8 years i still don't know her name) that the wife and kids can do it but i didn't want any part in it as politely as i could. my wife said she is not hurt but i feel that she is because their suppose to be "my" family too but when around them i never ever feel that way.

is it just me or was i being rude and selfish? again?

[Nero]

well it depends. some people will take offense at anything.

[mickie88]

she didn't act like she did, but since they wanted to force us the last two years, i'm quite certain she did. tough as far as i am concerned, i know how i feel when i've got stuff i didn't want or need so i know how they would feel.

[sd]

Rude or not depends on how it's conveyed I think.

My family started saying they planned to go cheap this year, and I told them I would just rather not do it at all. I have told them before I did not like it for many reasons, why stress everyone to find something nice, battle the crowds, spend money you don't have, just to show them you care about them.  A better option is just spend the time together like it was meant to be. You should be showing them you love them all year long, not buy giving them a gift they may not want or like once a year.

I have been on the giving and receiving end of nice gifts, with money and without, with family and without, the only thing that mattered was being with those you care about, be it friends or family. Call it a return to true Christmas if you like, but that is what it should be about, not the commercialization that is has become. I know some (very sick and twisted) people really enjoy the shopping, crowds, and debt involved with this time of year, but personally I hate it. Don't worry Mickie, others do feel the same way, but some are too timid to say anything. Those that don't will get over it.

And no, I am not saying bah humbug (yes I have been accused of it). I like Christmas, I love being with family and friends, I love the food. I just hate the commercialization and bad manners people exhibit about the whole thing.