Went to buy hair-remover, Now I feel awful

[Mina_Frostfall]

Before I start, I should mention that I recently discovered I am trans, and I haven't come out to anyone. Anyways, I can't stand my body hair. I have always hated it. I've tried shaving a bit, but I tend to get a lot of cuts and irritation if I do. So I decided to go to a nearby drugstore and get some hair remover. I found the shelf with the hair removal products, but they all showed pictures of women, et cetra on them and look kinda girly. When I was looked through them I pretended to look at the men's razors which were conveniently located right next to the hair removers. I was too afraid to let anyone see me looking at them, much less bring them up front. I think I spent 40 minutes trying to work up the courage to buy it. I never did though; I just left. On the way home I wanted to cry. I couldn't even work up the courage to do something as innocent as that. I feel pathetic.

[Stealthgrrl]

There are plenty of men without trans issues who want to get rid of hair. And anyway, the cashier and other customers couldnt care less what you buy. if it makes you feel better, buy some other stuff too, and it will get jumbled in with the rest. 

[Sephirah]

Honey, unless you're at the store fully attired in feminine apparel, most sales staff will assume you're buying it for someone else: your mother, girlfriend, sister, aunt etc.

And besides which, with the volume of traffic through most stores, it's highly unlikely they'll do anything other than scan it and take your money. There are, in my experience, very few clerks who see working at a cash register as anything more than a job, much less have a desire to pry into the private lives of the people they serve.

Just be polite, smile, and don't act as though you have something to hide.

[vanna]

Awww hunny

seriously if you let it fear you in a store it will show, like the others have said people dont bat an eye these days, way before i transitioned i was busy buying oil of olay, cosmetics and general pampering products. No-one ever looked at me let alone questioned. If in doubt go to a supermarket half the time they dont even look at products and just scan them, your just a number and another product in a basket.

Its a real confidence builder that way and your soon be hanging with the best of them...honestly

[Mina_Frostfall]

Thank You... I feel a little better now. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow. I'm so sorry that I had to come here and make such a big deal about nothing. I wish I wasn't such a weak person.

[Sephirah]

Thank You... I feel a little better now. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow. I'm so sorry that I had to come here and make such a big deal about nothing. I wish I wasn't such a weak person.

Honey, if it's a big deal to you then it's a big deal. Period. *hugs*

You're not a weak person, sweetie. Just admitting who you are to yourself is a major sign of inner strength. And besides, that's what we're here for, to offer support and understanding to girls like yourself, and guys, who are just finding their feet. Don't apologise at all, sweetie. Come on in and look around a little, stay and get to know people. You're very welcome here.

It can be a scary thing if you want something for yourself that you think other people will find 'girly' or 'feminine'. There's the weight of "what will they think?" And "They're gonna know it's for me!" running through your mind. It's perfectly natural, honey.

Hopefully we can help you overcome that, and give you a little bit of support and confidence to take those next steps to becoming yourself. So you don't have to be reluctant about posting your concerns and worries, because by helping each other through things, we can all grow as people. *hugs again*

[vanna]

Thank You... I feel a little better now. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow. I'm so sorry that I had to come here and make such a big deal about nothing. I wish I wasn't such a weak person.

A big deal about nothing? well if its a big deal to you then its not nothing hunny, you just finding your feet is all we all started somewhere. I'm darn sure no-one in these forums would think of it as weak.

[Mina_Frostfall]

I don't want to sound redundant; but thank you. I feel much better. I knew there were people out there, but I think I was scared that no one would care. I just needed to talk to someone about it since it affected me so much. I don't think I have been so strongly affected by anything in a long time. Thank you for helping me see that I'm worth something. (Edit: Hmm.. that sounds a little too dramatic but I don't know how else to put it.)

[Aiden]

Though I am a guy, I'm a Genetic female, and understand.  Circumstances are different but I get the same feeling when I walk into the store hoping am passing as a guy but then grab several packs of feminine pads.

Same time I have noticed a lot of them don;t really care what your buying at the register, unless I get nervious and stutter about it lol

[sarahb]

This is a drugstore.  At any given time, people are buying althlete's foot spray, enemas, yeast infection cream, wart removers, laxitives, etc.  I'd think they'd barely remember something like hair remover.  If it helps, just tell yourself "They see worse."

Haha, that's a really good point. I agree with everyone else, too. The cashier will most likely think nothing of it. And think, after the 20 seconds it takes to pay and get your receipt you'll be out of there, and happily on your way home. That's what got me through the first little while when I first started buying those types of things. After a while you'll get more and more comfortable since you'll find that you'll barely ever, if even ever once, get any sort of meaningful reaction. Remember, as much as you are into yourself and your own life, so are they. People don't pay nearly as much attention to us as we make ourselves believe.

[Janet_Girl]

Aelita_Lynn,

There are also hair removers for men.  Nair makes one, but after 8 months on HRT, the regular Nair works just as well, if not better.  As a cashier, don't worry about what they are thinking, most are wondering when their break is, or about their SO.  They could care less about your purchase other than if that is all.

[Ms.Behavin]

Like everyone else said the cashiers really dont care.  But Your story reminded me of a time when I was in the same boat.  As someone who has been there ad done that (Like all the other fine folks here).  Be brave and go for it.  Just relax and pretend it's for the misses, which it is ina way.

Best of luck to you

Beni

[Ellieka]

I'm not sure about the stores in your area but at our local Walmart and other stores they have the self check out lanes. No need to even make eye contact with any one. I've bought panties, bras, skirts, cosmetics.... never even got a second look.

There was one time several years ago that I went to Walmart late at night and bought some panties and a top or some such then took them to the regular check out. The cashier at the counter says, "awww! I wish my guy would buy this stuff for me"! I just smiled and said yeah she's worth it.

Chin up girl, your going be just fine.

[Anisha]

It happens...as time will go on you will eventually become more and more confident and you will be able to buy things with ease......

Bless you

[sd]

It's okay Aelita_Lynn, I think most of us started off in similar fashion.

As mentioned they do make it for men, and in a drug store, hair remover is really nothing to them compared to what they see and deal with.

Just go one step at a time.
AND RELAX. The fear is not only the biggest thing to fear, but also the one thing that will trip you up. Head up and act like you belong, no one will be the wiser.

[Suzy]

So sorry you are having this problem.  It is so hard to begin.  I agree with going to places with self checkout.  It is a great way to start buying the things you need.

As far as hair remover, that kind for men scalded the CRAP out of me.  So be careful if you use it.

Oh, and if it is really important for you to buy something, and you just need a little bit of encouragement, you can do what I have done.  Just take out your cell phone and act like you are talking to someone and picking her stuff out. It is very common to see, and now I wonder how many are acting.

Whatever, remember that the store wants you money, honey.  There will come a time when you are looked at funny, but that is, unfortunately, part of life.   It is a strange truism that as our skin softens we must have a hide like a rhinoceros. 

Hang in, sweetie.  You'll be amazed in a little bit how this is no big deal at all.

Kristi

[Sandy]

Thank You... I feel a little better now. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow. I'm so sorry that I had to come here and make such a big deal about nothing. I wish I wasn't such a weak person.

Aelita!

We've all been there, honey!  The first time I went to buy something my hands were shaking like a leaf!   And to mask the fact that I was in fact buying pantyhose, I bought about thirty dollars of other stuff.

Really, hon, you are not weak.  This terrible blessing drives us.  You are quite strong.  You'll be fine, hon, you'll be fine!

The first step is the hardest.  The first step is coming out to yourself.  You've done that.  The hard part is over.  No more denial, no more self doubts.

Really, it gets easier from here.

Take care, lov.  And keep us posted on how you are doing.  We are all family here and we care about you.

-Sandy

[MarySue]

First, dear, I certainly understand your fears! God knows, I've been there too. And I survived -- much to my surprise.

I agree with most of the responses: From my experience, very few clerks care. That said, you could run into one of the bozos who get their jollies by hassling customers. It has happened to me once or twice. In that case, look at them like they're an idiot, snort, and say that it's for your mother/wife/sister/daughter -- "Of course!"

A bigger risk is running into someone you know while waiting in line. Someone who's nosey and will ask why you're getting that stuff. I don't mean to scare you, but it can happen. The best defense is to pick a distant store, and/or go when the store isn't crowded. Or, if you don't want to see that person ever again, tell them you have lice. 

It's important that you don't act scared or fearful. But it's okay to act frazzled or overwhelmed or confused. For example, I often adopt an attitude like, Good God! I had no idea there was so much STUFF! She just told me to get hair remover. Why didn't she tell me what brand, blast it! Clerks respond well to that.

However, I have to warn you about one thing: pacing around a store for 40 minutes could be a problem. That behavior might put store security on alert. If you have to do that, better leave and come back another day. Or first surf the web to figure out what to get.

[tekla]

Maybe its just me, but I've never had good results with the removers, you were looking at the razors, still the best simple way of doing it. 

[justme]

if you dont feel comfortablebuying hair removal for women they have nair for men