That first initial day....

[Icephoenyx]

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, I am begining to get excited for when I can start living as a woman, at least part time. However, getting there might be tough.

The way things are looking right now, my shrink won't be giving out hormones anytime soon, and I think that I'll have to start out with solely my tblockers.

I am nervous though, because how do you really prepare for that first day in your new life? I mean, its so hard getting girl clothes as a guy, and I don't think I would have much speech therapy done by that time, either. Even buying a woman's razor today made me anxious to the point where I had to back out.....unless I find a transfriendly store, it may be tough because I would need to figure out sizes, etc. and would need to try stuff on....how did you all do it??

[Janet_Girl]

For me it was on-line shopping.   CD stores, Walmart, Target.  Anything that had a on-line site.  But there comes a time to do the 'real' thing.  Goodwill was a good start.  Now it is where ever I please.

You can do it,  Ice.  Just go for it.

Janet

[Icephoenyx]

But you see, I don't really have any women's clothes, how can I shop online when I don't even know what size I will be. Of course, sizes also vary depending on the material, brand, style, etc....

[Janet_Girl]

Take your measurements and check the size charts.  Make sure that they will take it back if it does not fit.  And begin with only one piece at a time.

As things progress and you get more confident, go to Goodwill.  Most of them have a unisex dressing room.  And the employees could care less.

Janet

[kae m]

For me it was on-line shopping.   CD stores, Walmart, Target.  Anything that had a on-line site.  But there comes a time to do the 'real' thing.  Goodwill was a good start.  Now it is where ever I please.

You can do it,  Ice.  Just go for it.

Janet

My very first purchases were online - I've always been a big online shopper though, so that's not exactly out of the ordinary.  I stay away from some of the TG/CD shops because most of them don't sell "normal" clothing.  Maybe that's my perception and not totally the truth, but I haven't had any problems with traditional stores.

The first time I bought anything in a "real" store was terrifying, but it went mostly fine.  It was at a Kohls, and I didn't even go in with that intention.  I was browsing the clearance rack on the guys side for some khakis and there was a pair of jeans on the rack that looked like they would fit.  I brought them into the dressing room and they fit perfectly when I tried them on.  I'm not the type that would believe it was a "sign", but I told myself I would not let the opportunity pass, so I kinda talked myself up to getting them.  My only mistake was going to a male cashier.  He was a bit rude, had a disgusted tone in his voice, and after everything was rung up he turned the screen with all my items to face the rest of the line (presumably so that everyone else in line could see "misses jeans").  I don't think anyone was even paying attention, I'm not even convinced that's what he was trying to do, but I couldn't imagine what other reason there would have been to do that.

If that happened again today, I don't even think I would have paused to think about it.  I feel silly for being embarrassed about it at the time.  Even though I'm still in boy mode most of the time, more than half of my clothing is female.  Androgynous female, but at least from the right half of the store.

What I did to buy things online was to very carefully look at sizing charts and to measure myself as accurately as I could.  I've missed on sizing only a couple of times, but it's definitely the exception.  Just two general rules will keep you safe: 1) sizes are completely incompatible between styles - not just between brands; and 2) don't buy anything especially nice online, there's no substitution for seeing and feeling something in front of you (and online returns are super annoying).  Oh, and if you pay for shipping, you're doing it wrong.

The way I talked myself up to making my first in-store purchase was to convince myself that I'm the only one that actually has any business caring about what I'm buying.  The store should be happy that I'm shopping with them at all, any bad attitude from store staff means I can go somewhere else.  My only real concern remains "what if I run into someone I know?"  Well, it hasn't happened yet.  But I do go a bit out of my immediate area because I'm not out to many people.  Even though I'm not especially worried about extended family or friends, I do get worried about running into a coworker and having that impact my employment status...Anyway, so far over the last year my only bad experience has been with one slightly rude cashier.  Everyone else doesn't seem to care.  And if they do care, they're the weird ones getting themselves worked up over whatever a random customer is buying.  The best way to get over being scared of it is to show yourself it's a total non-event.

[Nicky]

The first step is really hard, totally hard, but it gets easier. Some days will be worse than others.

It is ok to start small and work upwards. You don't need to go from male presentation to female in 2 seconds flat.

I just bit the bullet and went to a shop, guessed my size, ran home. Trial and error for the most part. It is helpful to remember that the shop does not care what you buy, it is not illegel and much of the time they will think you are buying for your girlfriend.

Supermarkets are great to start with little things like a womans razor - just bung it in with the rest of your shop and nobody will look twice. This might give you some confidence.

Many mail-order catalogues will have a guide to sizing and a return policy- just grab a measuring tape and match it to their charts and this will give you a ballpark to work from.

I purchased a lot of stuff off a trading site (like Ebay) - buy cheap second hand stuff online and have it mailed to you. Even if it does not fit you can then on-sell it without too much of a loss.

Have fun with it and don't beat yourself up over bad choices - just part of growing up as a girl!

[Icephoenyx]

Oh, and if you pay for shipping, you're doing it wrong.

How can I not pay for shipping, especially when I live in Canada and most of the online stores are in the USA?

Any other specific online/catalogue stuff I should look into? I have the Sears one, but their stuff is a bit pricey to start out in I think...
Post Merge: July 02, 2009, 12:26:15 AM
Oh, and what about bras??

I know there are masectomy bras and fillers and things if I'm just starting out and have nothing there, but it's still hard to go into a place as a guy and get a bra, even though there is a transfriendly bra boutique near my place....

[Cindy]

Slow down don't worry.
OK you are going to hear from me and others that there is nothing scary being in drab and buying female attire. Yes you will hear the the shop people don't give a damn. They truely don't. But, as Janet has said Goodwill and 2nd stores are easy. On line stores if they are for "straight" people are OK. TG/TS stores are VERY expensive in my experience and very poor quality.
It's very frightening but once you do it it isn't; NO ONE CARES, go out and enjoy one of the biggest thrills in life; shop

Cindy

[K8]

Yes, what the others have said.  Start small.  Measure yourself and look at size charts to have an idea.  Buy androgynous stuff first to get your feet wet.  Things like razors, stockings, etc. you can get with your groceries.  Any store larger than a one-person operation is good in the beginning because the staff just wants to help you buy the stuff - they don't care whether it is for you or your girlfriend or your mother or whomever.

(In the beginning I thought I would go to the salesclerk with a woman's slip, an alarm would go off and the gender police would rush in to cart me off.  Instead the clerk was kind, friendly, helpful - very disappointing. )

And slow down.  You aren't going to wake up as Cinderella tomorrow morning.  (We'd all like to do that, but it just doesn't happen. )  Confidence comes with effort and time.  Build yours gradually.

Good luck.  Let us know how your first shopping trip goes.

- Kate

[Nicky]

Oh, and what about bras??

I know there are masectomy bras and fillers and things if I'm just starting out and have nothing there, but it's still hard to go into a place as a guy and get a bra, even though there is a transfriendly bra boutique near my place....

My advise is to just buy a cheap padded or 't-shirt' bra from a discount cheap store. The cups keep their shape better than other bras so all you need to do is fill them without worrying so much about shape. Rice in a stocking worked well for me, or water baloons - both cheap options. The idea is to learn, from buying a few, which sizes work for you and because you get cheap ones it does not matter so much if you get it wrong. I was about the same size as my girlfriend of the time so just used her sizing as a starting point. I'm sure you will easily be able to find a sizing guide online. Try a B or C cup - pretty standard stuff. 

[V M]

Most online shops will have sizing charts and even give instructions on how to measure yourself for their particular line of clothing. Bras, panties, tops, pants, dresses etc. If you've got a few extra bucks, Victoria's Secret makes a great gel filled bra that looks very natural. Before I started getting boobs I would fill water balloons with Jello  Gives 'em a nice natural bounce. Just make sure to let the Jello cool a little while so you don't melt the balloons. Tupperware makes a nice cooking funnel that works great for that (filling the balloons)

[kae m]

How can I not pay for shipping, especially when I live in Canada and most of the online stores are in the USA?

Sorry! that does make the free shipping part harder.  I only meant that nearly every one of those stores offers some kind of free shipping promotion at least once a month, if not as a rule, you just have to search online for the promo code.  But you're right, if you're not in the lower 48 US, that pretty much goes out the window.

[heatherrose]

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately...
...my shrink won't be giving out hormones anytime soon...
I am nervous though, because how do you really prepare for that first day in your new life?
I mean, its so hard getting girl clothes as a guy, and I don't think I would have much speech therapy done by that time, either.
Even buying a woman's razor today made me anxious to the point where I had to back out
.....unless I find a transfriendly store....

Baby Sis,

I'm sure you have been doing a lot of thinking but what have you been thinking about?
Your "Shrink" is listening to you and you need to start listening to yourself. On the
checklist of things to do to prepare for your "First Day", getting girls clothes and buying
a woman's razor is waaaay down at the bottom of the list. At the top should be,
"Come to the realization that, as you make those first few timid steps out into your bright
new world, you quite possibly are going to lose everything that is familiar to you.
Nothing will ever be the same." That is not necessarily a bad thing, in the long run but is
quite traumatic as you are going through it. If you are finding it difficult to find the
courage to buy a piece of clothe to cover your butt, do you honestly believe that you
are ready to make chemically induced changes to your body, which depending upon
the extent of the changes, can only be reversed through surgery or maybe not at all.
Are you prepared to handle the laughter, disapproving looks or possible abuse to be handed
out by just about anyone, stranger or "friend"?

What is it that you expect hormones to do for you? They are not some magic potion
that turns you into your dream girl. It is impossible to turn someone into a girl or a boy.
It has been tried and has proven to be a tragic mistake. If your "Shrink" is refusing
to recommend that a doctor prescribe "Hormone Therapy" for you, where are you
getting your "T-blockers". You do know this stuff can kill you or at least cause a
stroke, even under a doctors supervision, Right?

It may sound like I'm trying to rain on your fantasy, I make no apologies. I understand
your angst but ""What purse goes with what shoes" is not an issue at this point.
You brushed against the idea that living as a girl "part time" would be acceptable
to you. There is nothing wrong with being who and what you are. No matter what
you or anyone else thinks you don't get more "Street Cred's" with the "community"
if you are on 'mones and "live full time". You are what you are and you need not
prove anything to anybody. Who and what that is, you need to figure out for yourself,
before you start on 'mones or take your first steps out into your bright new world
in you newly purchased pair of heels.

P.S. Doll, usually "Transfriendly" means "We wont laugh at you,
if you're willing to pay four hundred percent more."

[colormyworld]

My advise would be just bite the bullet and do it! The sooner you get that first time out of the way, it'll be a lot less scary (as with any scary situation). Places like Penney's, Dillards, Macy's, Kohls, etc,  you usually don't have to have an employee let you into the dressing rooms, where as places like Walmart, Target, and a lot of smaller places you have to have an employee unlock the dressing room doors for you, so that may be something to consider.  Another little tip, that might cut out the dressing room all together, take an article of clothing that you know fits well, and hold it up to the clothes in the store to find the correct size. Find out the store's return policy and that way you can take the stuff home and try it on, and then just return anything you don't like/want. I do that way too much, because I am usually too lazy to try stuff on (yet I'll make an extra trip to return, it makes sense when I'm purchasing something..)

Just be confident in yourself, if you're confident, you're not going to draw extra attention to yourself. More than likely nobody else is going to care who/what/why you're buying something, no matter if it's a tube of toothpaste, or a dress. Once in awhile (depending on the type of store you shop at) you might get one of those "I'm going to ask you questions that I could care less about just to pass the time and be polite" people but don't sweat it, maybe you could even have some fun with it, and make THEM feel awkward! (It happened to me, I went into Aeropostale on my break from work, while wearing the required skirt for work, picked up some stuff that was on sale, 2 men's polos, and a men's dress shirt. I handed them to the girl behind the counter, and she cheerily asked who I was shopping for today. You should have seen the look on her face when I told her I was shopping for myself! She right away started talking about what a great deal everything was! Don't ask if you don't want to know, people! )

[Genevieve Swann]

colormyworld is right. Just suck it up and go do it. "Git R dun" If you're like me at first you're being far too paranoid. No one actually cares what you purchase and if they do tell them and ask for help. You will be surprised at how friendly some people can be. Sometimes they will help you choose. Once YOU get over the initial shock it all gets better. All the way to Venus.
Post Merge: July 03, 2009, 06:32:34 AM
Janet, Everytime I pass by your avatar I look to my left. What's she smiling at?
Post Merge: July 03, 2009, 07:45:42 AM
Icephoenyx, Here's an example. One time in a shoe store before Valentine's Day I purchaseda pair of shoes and the lady cashire asked if they were a gift for my GF. I told her they were for me. Now when I go in she finds shoes in my size for me to try on. There are Transfriendly people.

[K8]

Icephoenix, dear, please read Heatherrose's reply and read it again and read it again.

You've been getting a lot of shopping advice here, including from me.  But the first step is to come to terms with who and what you are.  Your therapist is trying to help you do that.  If you are afraid to buy a woman's razor, you aren't anywhere near ready to walk down the street presenting yourself as a woman to the world.

The second step is to come to terms with the fact that you can and will meet derision and condemnation for who and what you are.  Your therapist will help you work through the difficulties of preparing for it and dealing with it.  You may even meet violence.  Be certain that you can accept that fact before you consider living full time or even part time.

Your therapist is there to help you through the many steps to becoming who you are.  Do not view your therapist as an adversary - it will just slow or prevent the process of you becoming who you can be.

Go shopping, but clothes do not make the woman.

I wish you all the luck in the world.  I don't want to discourage you, but having a realistic view of the work and possible consequences of transitioning will help you in the long run.

Good luck!

- Kate

[Vicky]

Point 1

You are well beyond the "first initial day" if you are seeing a therapist!!  The day you actually started to think about seeing one was many days into the program if it is and was REAL.  Your "first initial day" was the one where you deeply thought that your birth assigned gender was wrong and you decided to do anything at all about it.

Point 2

Clothing and makeup are tools and not ends in themself.  Unless you are in the absolute middle of nowhere above "the arctic circle" there are going to be places where other gender crossers get together.  Go there, with a three day beard and engine grease in your hair if you have run out of shampoo.  You can see and be near others closer to yourself.  You say there is a ->-bleeped-<- friendly bra shop close by-- there have to be other "->-bleeped-<-s" close enough to be friendly with the owner.  You are not alone.  HINT HINT. 

Point 3 -- I have "talked" with Canadian Girls, and there are boutiques there that are worth saving your $C for, and then going and getting a full makeover and dress changes that will satisfy your curiosity about who you are and what you look like == it will either be the first day, or ONLY day you do this.

Point 4 -- Do look at what is ahead of you, there are the negative realities that the others have mentioned.  You will have to live with those, but if your dreams and needs are strong enough they will win out over them. 

Point 5 == Point 1 is right. 

[Icephoenyx]

Thank you all for the help. I really am beginning to see that this is no sweat, and most of it is probably in my head. I actually went out today and bought some goodies, such as make up remover, a set of razors, and even some socks lol!