No it wasn't the dressing that was liberating (it was, but in a different way) it was the understanding of the notion that I'm not running the world. That the world pays little to no attention to me, and in that, there is great freedom.
The first time I wore panties out under my jeans - like say 14 or so - I found out that the only person who knew, or noticed, was me.
When I was 16 my GF dressed me up and made me up and took me to Armstrong Grove (A redwood grove) and the Coast. Again, no one - save me, I was shaking - noticed. Perhaps the trees are more inspiring, or at least more interesting, or perhaps they just give people peace, and walking in there all that other stuff seems, well, unimportant. Either way, any way, perhaps all the ways, it all passed everyone else by.
That liberation that comes from knowing that the entire freaking world is not going to do much of anything when it comes right down to it.
And now I realize,
in such a beautiful way too.
How nice it was of her,
To take me out to such places for the first time,
Not to some sleazy disco (and they all are sleazy in some sense)
or to some ghetto gathering of 'people like me'
But out to the Coast, to walk on the cliffs of Sonoma and feel the sea
to walk under the trees and feel the warmth of the earth
Its the liberation that I know that my actions are not going to do much in or to the world. The sun gonna come up in the east and set in the west. It always has, it always will.
Knowing that, knowing that its my life, that other people don't notice, or care. That is freedom.
