Sortof freaking out..

[gravitysrainbow]

Okay, so. My parents do NOT support me transitioning at all, especially not until I'm financially independent. They pay for everything (I'm in college now) and I'm starting to think this is an addiction I need to break cold turkey. If I can get on T within a year, it could have amazing effects on me that might not be possible if I wait. And I shouldn't HAVE to wait. I shouldn't be forced into a role for my parents' happiness. When I play that role, I can see how much they love their idea of me, and it hurts to think of taking that away from them. But they don't respect the real me. They keep me from binding, police my clothes, hair and interests, and any conversation about my being a boy ends in my dad yelling and arguing until I cry (granted, we've avoided those for awhile). He's also generally verbally abusive to my mom and me. I'm starting to see more benefits than consequences in setting an ultimatum. "This is something I have to do, go ahead and cut me off if that's what you want." Any comments/advice?

[Jay]

Personally if I could afford it, with still going to college in your situtation I would.
However I would only cut off them paying for anything. However its only because
I am strong enough to deal with the consiquenses.

All we can give you is advice & support your the only one who actually has to do
it. I wish you all the luck bud.

[lady amarant]

Hon, if you're sure you can support yourself, then yeah. If not, bide your time while you do absolutely whatever you need to do to get independent as soon as you can. But yeah, you shouldn't have to take this any longer.

~Simone.

[sneakersjay]

I supported myself through college, so it's doable.  IMO do what you need to do to be true to yourself.  This isn't about your parents; it's about YOU and YOUR happiness.  If you can figure out how to be independent, go for it!

Jay

[RebeccaFog]

If I understand it correctly, the T will do wonders for you no matter what age you are when you start. 

How do you present at school?

If you're already presenting as male, then it makes sense to get started with HRT.  If not, then waiting a little in order to avoid stress might be okay.  I understand how important it is to you to get started, though.  I guess this isn't an easy one.

If you can get by without your parents help, then the most obvious solution is to tell them you will make your own decisions.  Maybe they'll still be helpful.

[Nicky]

No one should have to wait, but untill you are able to become financialy independent you don't seem to have a lot of barganing power.

I'm not sure an ultimatum would work or have the desired effect. Maybe all you will end up doing is creating a rift that will be hard to cross in the future. If you are not able to live in the current situation then I think it will be up to you to get out of it, don't give them the responsibility to make that decision. It would be much more powerful to say "Because you can't support me in this I'm going it alone". Not that I am reccomending it, that would be your decision, but it would be you taking charge of your happyness instead of fostering it off on to them.

Some other ideas: family counciling; simply refuse to be engaged in them controling your behaviour - wear what you want, take T, act like you want, don't argue with them and just let them yell over you; wait it out; see if you can arange to live in your own accomodation with you paying some of the way and your parents helping you out with fees and things (this will give you much more freedom)..   

[Sophie90]

It really depends on how much money you have/can earn... If you can pay for things yourself, then your parents can't stop you.

[J.T.]

if you can financially cut yourself off from them, do it.  this is your life.  start living it as soon as you can.  Life is precious.

[Vexing]

Unfortunately this is one of the harsh realities of living with your parents; you have to abide by their rules.
Until you get out on your own, that's the way it's going to be.

[iFindMeHere]

It would be much more powerful to say "Because you can't support me in this I'm going it alone". Not that I am reccomending it, that would be your decision, but it would be you taking charge of your happyness instead of fostering it off on to them.

Yes This.

[gravitysrainbow]

Thanks for the advice, everyone! 

I asked my mom lastnight about calling a gender therapist in the area and seeing if they take our insurance.  She called several years ago, and they said no, but a friend of mine with the same insurance told me recently that they take it.  If she doesn't call within in a week or two, I will. 

I think that's a good first step, and can be done while I continue to receive their support, and look for ways to support myself.

If I understand it correctly, the T will do wonders for you no matter what age you are when you start. 

How do you present at school?

If you're already presenting as male, then it makes sense to get started with HRT.  If not, then waiting a little in order to avoid stress might be okay.  I understand how important it is to you to get started, though.  I guess this isn't an easy one.

If you can get by without your parents help, then the most obvious solution is to tell them you will make your own decisions.  Maybe they'll still be helpful.

The only thing I'm wondering about is the possibility that I haven't stopped growing yet.  I'm only 18, and the chance to become 5'7 or 5'8 is one I don't want to pass up.

As for presentation, I present as male at school, despite my parents not wanting me to.  So yeah, HRT sooner rather than later will be good for me, I think.

[iFindMeHere]

*nods* Good luck on that. Maybe this will help your parents get it through their skulls.

[sarahb]

When I play that role, I can see how much they love their idea of me, and it hurts to think of taking that away from them. But they don't respect the real me.

I know how that feels. When I first came out to my parents they seemed ok with it. However, a few months down the road when they started noticing changes we got into a discussion about it which ended with my dad telling me how he had this image of me, this "plan" for me that was now lost. Wife, kids, house with a white picket fence, and all that jazz. I told him that that's all still possible, it's just going to be me as a girl in that "plan" now. If you haven't yet, try telling them that. Tell them that who you are, who they love, is still there and that the plans, the hopes, the dreams they have for you are still as relevant today as they were before, but there's just a minor change in the main character's role in all of it.

[christov]

i feel ya.
my family totally disowned me; i was older when i came out though, and financially independent.
i agree with posters who say do what you can to get free of their financial support & be true to yourself.

best of luck

christov