hello ladies and gents, and everyone in-between or un-defined (i don't mean that in an offensive way).
if possible, i'd like a bit of advice from you all.
i never really post, i'm more of the lurking type (regardless of how oddly creepy that sounds).
here's a little background:
when i was twelve i came out as a lesbian to my mother.
although it was not what she had wanted for me, she was and to this day is very accepting. she told me i was her daughter and she'd love me, no matter what. it's really not an issue.
fast-forward a good few years and here i am today and i have realized two things.
the first being that even though i do very heavily lean towards females, i am pansexual.
that is not my problem.
my problem is, i have also realized that i am transgender.
of course, to me it's not really a 'problem,' but to my mother it's nearly guaranteed that it will be.
i am not and never was feminine, my mother is aware of this, and never misses an opportunity to remind me that i am a 'girl.'
i will reply with, "no, i'm not."
and she will say, "you sprouted a dick?" or something alongside that.
in a joking manner of course.
the conversation ends there.
i assume she just thinks that i am a butch lesbian.
i've been bottling this up for some good time now, and i have finally decided that this will be no more.
i cannot happily go on this way any longer - i simply cannot. i wish i could and all would be well, but sadly, that's not the case.
i need to live as man to be happy. in my heart i know that and no matter how much i myself would love to be able to deny it, that's not happening.
i have come to terms with that.
my thought was to take her and my step-father out to dinner and announce it to them both.
i wish there was an easy way to spit it out - but you and i both know that is not so.
considering i still live at home, quietly transitioning alone and not telling her is not an option; or else i probably would have done that, even though that is not the best solution.
i am not afraid of being kicked out like a lot of other people are, my mother is not that way.
it's just a very hard thing to say, as well as to do. i was never the type that gave a ->-bleeped-<- (for lack of better wording) of what people thought of me. i never did, never will.
i do fear her reaction though, it is a life-changing thing; and i myself am scared.
transitioning is a big step. a big change. it is not easy news for anyone to hear, and believe me, it's not easy on me, either.
okay, i'm going to stop rambling and get to the point -
i was thinking of taking them out to dinner, like i previously mentioned, and telling them that way.
i was also considering telling them when we arrived back home, as that may be the better option.
any advice/suggestions/tips would be greatly appreciated.
if anyone even bothered to read this all - i thank you, truly.
- hayden.
