going a little out of my mind

[reno]

I wear slim-fit clothing and because of that, any attempt at binding looks stupid. Because of *that* people see me as a girl.
The friends I came out to refuse to use the name I picked to transition with, and refuse to say "he" when referring to me.
I've lost faith in the god that I half-believed in [possibly because I'm upset, tired] and for this moment, I just .. want to go to sleep and never wake up again. Because of this, I plan to stay online for as long as possible [11.43pm here] and therefore away from all sharp objects, cuddling a Snoopy toy who doesn't care about the tears wetting his fur.

Coping methods for these moments? I'll even beg if it requires no dropping to my knees [oh the joys of cold nights when an 18 year old has mild arthritis].

[Nero]

well, it's really hard for some of us to pass no matter what we do. if you could pass by wearing more masculine clothes that help the binding, maybe you could consider that just until you get on T.

[Jeatyn]

compromises have to be made until surgery

I hate walking around with clothes 4 sizes too big for me but with a god knows what size chest (36DD too small, refuse to buy another bra or get measured) it has to be done, because they are still pretty obvious with a binder

I pass, I just look like I'm wearing my older brothers hand-me-downs all the time

As for the name and pronouns, maybe they will find it easier to call you what you prefer once you look more like a guy

[Hazard "AJ"]

I dress hip hop and as most rappers wear baggy cloths  its pretty east for me to pass till ii speck that is im 21 in a couple of days and yes i pass with the cloths but people look at me and done belive im 21 cuz my voice and most 21 year olds have hair on there chine i only have a couple so once i open my mouth they walk off looking at me like a freak. But i tend not to speck unless i have to

[iFindMeHere]

hey man.

I have a disgusting jessica-rabbit figure w/less tits... and my tastes run to slimfit shirts and whatnot. However, I am pre-t so i sacrifice my tastes and wear baggy clothes. I'm actuallly a medium so I wear xl shirts and 38/30 relaxed/carpenter jeans or cargo pants belted at my hipbone (I'm actually a 36/36). Add an open dress shirt to distract from my pencil neck and bang--curves hidden.

[darius82501]

Hey! I think we have all had those nights. My nights like that cycle. I'll be ok for awhile and then it hits me and it is really hard for a few days. I have attempted suicide with meds but things usually get better. I get really frustrated and feel alone.

And I grew up going to church, but I too have lost faith in a figure who would do this to me as well as the many other awful things in this world.

I guess my best advice would be to be patient especially with those close to you. There are good people out there and then there are crappy ones. Just as you are adjusting to being male your friends and family are adjusting. My parents have both said it is going to be hard to call me by my new name or different pronouns. And of course, everyone in my life has called me something different for 25 years. It isn't going to happen overnight. As much as we would all like it too. No situation is going to be perfect and I am learning this currently. Make the best out of the situation you have.

Also, never watch a depressing or sad movie when your feeling upset. .just makes it worse. NEVER be ALONE. Go to a friends, out to eat, to a movie. .whatever! I am in my head a lot and i think that is because of the social isolation i always felt. I listen to music, workout, or do school work to distract me. Hope this helps.

Brady

[Kristian]

Hi. I'm new this board, but I went through what you're going through over 30 yrs ago. It works. The gray of the world actually fills with sunshine. I learned about trans when I was 21. In the early 70's, the only one we knew of was Christine Jorgenson - no role models. If you have family support, you can start on the pills. Just looking at that first little pill made me feel human, for the first time. I was not under Dr.'s care. do yourselves a favor, get a good Dr. and pay attention to them. Bra, one size smaller, loose t-shirt, and a blousey overshirt with only the middle two buttons, help distort the frontal and side views of your chest area. Don't worry about the facial hair. Learn to walk, not swagger, but to carry yourself freely and with confidence. Get a legal name change. They tell you to keep something similar to your birthname. I used my nickname as my middle name. Good luck, I hope you will be as happy as I have been. There is light waiting for you.