Ok another question

[coolJ]

....I already know that this can be consuming like any other adiction, so I am trying to get help, and build up my self control before I get sucked-in.


Gee, I never thought of this as an addiction. If it was that simple to me I'd just control it. I'm fighting my own will again except this time its to really be who I am inside and not run away and hide behind a hypermasculine faker! So right now I'm in the sucked in part but I'm dealing. I wish you well with your therapy and please let me know how thats going for you!

[Chrissty]

Gee, I never thought of this as an addiction. If it was that simple to me I'd just control it. I'm fighting my own will again except this time its to really be who I am inside and not run away and hide behind a hypermasculine faker! So right now I'm in the sucked in part but I'm dealing. I wish you well with your therapy and please let me know how thats going for you!

Maybe seeing it as an addiction is just my way of coping then....I just always saw addiction as an internal struggle that never really goes away, but can be controlled with help and commitment, and that these problems could be treated the same way before we commit to transition..... I guess that I am also still grasping at the hope that the outcome is not inevitable, or at least that I can find a way to minimise the damage it would cause..

My first therapy session is not till Friday (seems we are a bit limited on gender therapists in this country), but I will let you know how I get on.

...So what's this with chocolate in your sig now....are you joining the global revolution?



Chrissty

[coolJ]

...So what's this with chocolate in your sig now....are you joining the global revolution?

Oh, I've been the chocolate revolution baby!!!! Its the chocolate states of America where I'm coming from!!!! I've also found that chocolatering ; is a great way of coping too!

[Chrissty]

...So what's this with chocolate in your sig now....are you joining the global revolution?

Oh, I've been the chocolate revolution baby!!!! Its the chocolate states of America where I'm coming from!!!! I've also found that chocolatering ; is a great way of coping too!

Have you ever thought that you might have a chocolate addiction that is manifesting itself as GID?.....

Chrissty

[Rita Irene]

Im in the midst of fighting it right now...

I doubt Ill win...havent before. For some reason the last week, I have wanted to put aside all girlness...I dont know why, but if history repeats itself...It will come back even stronger. I thought I was completely ready, and then this hit me....

It sucks and its a tough choice...you will most likely create enemies, but being true to yourself is important, and will ultimately win...I think.

I doubt I helped with your question, sorry

[MarySue]

Gee, I never thought of this as an addiction. If it was that simple to me I'd just control it. I'm fighting my own will again ...

Isn't that the definition of an addiction -- "fighting your own will"? A psychological addiction, anyway.

And that sort of desire isn't easy to control. Hey, if it was, it wouldn't be an addiction!

Kind of like the old joke that if a flower grows easily, it's considered a weed.

Have you ever thought that you might have a chocolate addiction that is manifesting itself as GID?.....

Or maybe it's the other way around? I have heard GG's say that if they had to choose between chocolate and sex, they'd go for chocolate. Every time. No question!

[postoplesbian]

If you truly feel you are a woman then respect your wife by putting yourself in her place firstly. Then and only then can you break this down to a fleeting off and on fetish desire or a true respect for womanhood. That will firstly give you the chance to be in her position. I have 2 kids by two moms. I was never with them for more than a month so leaving but helping them financially was easier for me. No matter what treat her as you a natal woman would want to be treated because if you don't then yes you do not respect women and you are doing this just for you  and that is totally wrong. This was not their problem its yours. Be honest yet be totally supportive and accept the truths of your situation and try to make it up to her firstly then and only then can you respect yourself as a woman and start transitioning if that is what you need to do.

I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS NOT JUST ABOUT YOU THIS IS ABOUT THE TRUTH OF BEING A WOMAN AND LOOKING OUT FOR WOMANHOOD NO MATTER WETHER YOUR A MAN OR A WOMAN.

[coolJ]

If you truly feel you are a woman then respect your wife by putting yourself in her place firstly. Then and only then can you break this down to a fleeting off and on fetish desire or a true respect for womanhood. That will firstly give you the chance to be in her position. I have 2 kids by two moms. I was never with them for more than a month so leaving but helping them financially was easier for me. No matter what treat her as you a natal woman would want to be treated because if you don't then yes you do not respect women and you are doing this just for you  and that is totally wrong. This was not their problem its yours. Be honest yet be totally supportive and accept the truths of your situation and try to make it up to her firstly then and only then can you respect yourself as a woman and start transitioning if that is what you need to do.

I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS NOT JUST ABOUT YOU THIS IS ABOUT THE TRUTH OF BEING A WOMAN AND LOOKING OUT FOR WOMANHOOD NO MATTER WETHER YOUR A MAN OR A WOMAN.

Hi Postoplesbian, the reason I'm not transitioning is because my wife will be crushed if I do. I am hoping that being a woman she will eventually empathise with me and allow me to- and going through it together. Thats my dream and my hope. Thats also a loooooong shot! I am still physically a man because of her and my daughters but I'm never going to deny reality again. Fetishes are nothing to me and I sure as hell wouldnt be going through this torment if it was-thats why this is not an addiction. I will not throw my life away for a lousy fetish. !'ve spent my whole life trying to be the "man" and I'm pretty accomplished at it but I know everything I've done was for everybody else starting with my parents and now my wife and kids! I've proven that on equal ground a woman can truely do anything a man can do and I hope I can instill this to my daughters-in fact I will- and thats whats keeping me from transitioning right now. I've been pretty selfless my whole life as I've explained in other threads and it looks like this is my karma. Tell you what if reincarnation is real and I actually had a hand in being born like this then when I die I'm gonna slap my spirit in the mouth! And your right the problem is mine and mine alone so I will deal with it, only now I celebrate who I really am and I will not be ashamed of being a woman. 8)I am ashamed however what I appear to be. Oh yeah ,I forgot to mention,I'm not scared of anyones opinion, its not going to change what I know in my heart and I would come out to everybody but this would really hurt my wife so I'm not. Do I wanna stay hidden-NOOOO!But I'm doing this for my wife and she's worth it. Again sorry if I rubbed anyone the wrong way but I just had to get that out, phew........ Have a truffle on me!

[postoplesbian]

Your one cool woman J

[tekla]

Am I the only person who finds these two thoughts together in the same paragraph to be, well if not slightly disturbing, at least canceling each other out?

a true respect for womanhood

I have 2 kids by two moms. I was never with them for more than a month

[postoplesbian]

Am I the only person who finds these two thoughts together in the same paragraph to be, well if not slightly disturbing, at least canceling each other out?

a true respect for womanhood

I have 2 kids by two moms. I was never with them for more than a month

They left me after feeling i was too feminine for them not the other way around.

Teckla you always seem to want to pick a fight with anybody on anything. Try being patient and maybe you might get to know someone without first judging them.

[Jody]

 Hello all. I was just writing a post to this thread when it disappeared. Now when I come back I find that CoolJ has already figured out that GID is not an addiction.
GID in my opinion does feel like an addiction in that it can not be controlled or cured by will power. For myself the truth of alcohol and smocking(tobacco) addictions where that they acted as a  band aid covering the discomfort of feeling wrong. Unlike addictions which I have the good fortune of being relieved of for 6 and 4 years respectively. The GID is not something that I can be relieved of. Unlike my addictions to alcohol and tobacco GID did not numb me to discomfort. After a life time of purging and denial my acceptance of my true gender issues is finally bringing me peace.
Addressing the issue of GID as an addiction is making me ask questions "What if my higher Power could take away the need to dress feel and be female."  Would I be willing to give her up? Could I be relieved of the feelings? How can I know that going on HRT is the correct path for me? Do I really want to be out? Is it really my life path to live as first a male and then at this late date as a female? Can I put up with my male life any more?
To the first question my honest answer is I believe that my higher power needs me to walk through this. Why?  Alcohol and tobacco  had only negative affects on myself and others. By my embracing acceptance of my "true" self. I feel calm and a sense of serenity. I am up for the challenge. If my higher power wanted me to be of one gender it would not have made me of two genders. Our grandmothers and great Grand Mothers fought society to be "equal". I don't see a way of doing less. My willingness to try and serve my higher power has brought me to this point. If my being out opens some ones closed mind or inspires another to have the courage to do the right thing than I am full filling my duty to my higher power.
It is my belief that we are all small pieces of something much bigger. In my belief system we are all learning, growing and journeying back to our larger self. It is my opinion that the journey can and does span many life times. Carma to me is very possible. Each life we touch comes and goes for a learning reason. For myself being transsexual is not an accident. Everything in my past makes me what and who I am today. All the lives that have been affected and touched by me are for a higher reason than I can fathom. To me the concept that my wanting to transition is only my problem is just a little to narrow. If coolj's wife and everybody's else's s/o's were not to be affected by us than they would not be in our lives.
I think that my personal moral of "do no wrong intentionally" works for me.Yes I have lost my significant others. Sometimes to their lack of understanding trans. Sometimes do to my own misunderstanding of GID. Mostly I believe I could not be in a long term relationship due to my not having an open and honest relationship with myself. So for me GID is the lesson for this life. Do no harm intentionally has to apply to myself as well as others. If I could have my wish it would be. For all the suffering, loses and pain which we all have had in our lives, to result in making someone else's life  richer and fuller for having been touched by us.
I don't know if all this is helpful to anyone else but it has helped me to clarify my need to transition.
One last thought, In being kind and gentle with my self I am less likely to discomfort others.

[Icephoenyx]

I've sort of been through this situation too...acutally, I'm still living it. For me, as long as I am going to school and living under my mom's roof, I can't transition to the extent I want. I have secretly done some laser and electro, and I have been on tblockers for two years now. But I have to go thru college as a guy and I can't talk about it or anything. For me, I just keep my eyes on the prize and hope for the best. You and me will both hurt people but we have to do it eventually!

Chrissi

[Wendy C]

And then there is the extreme of GID, understand that no two people are alike and while transitioning sometimes sounds like another lived the same life as you, there are differences. The extreme is lifelong GID, suicide attempt and institutionalized at 19 years of age, failed first marriage of 13 years, three children, a second suicide attempt and institutionalized again, alcoholism into my second marriage. Third suicide attempt and detox program. A year ago I almost tried suicide again and finally found these boards. During all of this I supported 6 children and fought my GID. And do not think that I didnt die for lack of trying, I should not even be alive. Now at 62 in Feb I am fullfiling my dream and my need and finding the peace in my soul that I so desparately wanted.

Others have had it much worse than myself, still others have been more fortunate. What I am trying to say is that your GID, depression and angst will ultimately control your life. As of now none of my sons or family I was raised with will speak to me anymore, Fortunately my present wife and three daughters do support me in this.

No one can ultimately tell you what you need to do, but we can give you scenarios and real life experiences so that you can make an informed decision. I sincerely hope that you find your solution and that it will work for you and your familys benifit. Just remember that you have a place to come where prople do understand what is going on. Hugs

Wendy

[coolJ]

Carma to me is very possible. Each life we touch comes and goes for a learning reason. For myself being transsexual is not an accident. Everything in my past makes me what and who I am today


I think I'm learning this the hard way! And I welcome being gentle with myself with open arms because up until now I've been about as gentle as a wire brush.

[coolJ]

And then there is the extreme of GID, understand that no two people are alike and while transitioning sometimes sounds like another lived the same life as you, there are differences. The extreme is lifelong GID, suicide attempt and institutionalized at 19 years of age, failed first marriage of 13 years, three children, a second suicide attempt and institutionalized again, alcoholism into my second marriage. Third suicide attempt and detox program. A year ago I almost tried suicide again and finally found these boards. During all of this I supported 6 children and fought my GID. And do not think that I didnt die for lack of trying, I should not even be alive. Now at 62 in Feb I am fullfiling my dream and my need and finding the peace in my soul that I so desparately wanted.

Others have had it much worse than myself, still others have been more fortunate. What I am trying to say is that your GID, depression and angst will ultimately control your life. As of now none of my sons or family I was raised with will speak to me anymore, Fortunately my present wife and three daughters do support me in this.

No one can ultimately tell you what you need to do, but we can give you scenarios and real life experiences so that you can make an informed decision. I sincerely hope that you find your solution and that it will work for you and your familys benifit. Just remember that you have a place to come where prople do understand what is going on. Hugs

Wendy

Wow Wendy, you make me feel like my delema is small. And I'm glad your finally getting to be yourself with your families help to boot! And your right this forum is awesome! I really didn't know didly until I came here and started asking questions. And yup I'm finding out that the desire to right myself just keeps growing after acceptance. I'm just taking one day at a time and dealing with it. But wow what a relief to not have to live in fear anymore! Worrying if I dont act or look a certain way the inner me  -the real me might surface and oooohhhh thats just so so horrible. What a schmuck I've been. Real freedom is the right to be yourself and thats almost as good as the chocolate layer cake I had last week at the diner....MMMMMMMM

[Janet_Girl]

Fight if you must, but this way you will come.  I have fought for so long that I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way to live with this GID.  And that is through transition.

I have been married three times now, have four children by two Mothers, tried suicide twice and thought about it at least four times.  If you are the way you are then accept it and quit fighting.

The only way you will not have this in your life is ether by death ( Not a real good choice ) or become the person you know who you are.  Yes it is hard on families, and Yes it will most likely destroy that family.  But I pray that each of you, that are in a relationship, will survive and keep that relationship.  I am a firm believer in family and in love.  But how many stories end with the ending of a family.

It isn't fair and it may not be right but it is a fact of GID.  If you have an understanding SO, count yourself blessed.  It isn't any fun going thru this alone.  But it can be done and has been done.

I hate to be a downer, but I have see it and hear it all to often.  Trying to keep a marriage together is hard enough without GID being added into the mix.  If your relationship survives, please correct me in my thinking.

At 54 and having fought for about that long I am finally at peace just as Wendy is.  I have a ways to go yet, but I am the woman I was meant to be.

Janet

[MarySue]

I have fought for so long that I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way to live with this GID.  And that is through transition.

Sorry, but I have to respectfully disagree with that. I don't think that transitioning is the one and only way to live with GID.

I'm sure that transitioning was right for Janet, as it has been for a lot of people on this forum. And eventually it may turn out to be right for you, as well.

But I don't think that's a forgone conclusion. You may find a way to live without transitioning.

[Janet_Girl]

I have fought for so long that I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way to live with this GID.  And that is through transition.

Sorry, but I have to respectfully disagree with that. I don't think that transitioning is the one and only way to live with GID.

I'm sure that transitioning was right for Janet, as it has been for a lot of people on this forum. And eventually it may turn out to be right for you, as well.

But I don't think that's a forgone conclusion. You may find a way to live without transitioning.

That is your right, Mary Sue and I respect that.  If there is another way, I would love to hear of it and the success rate.  But as you point out transition is what finally made me happy.
<3

Janet

[Cindy]

Hi
Janet I agree with you, but.
There are degrees of GID and I know from your posts and my experience is that we do not have an alternative. Others may be less driven, I was going to say afflicted but I do not regard myself as ill in any way. If a person decides that yes they are GID but cannot face it, the that's what therapists are for. I dearly love my wife, I'm in a unique position as she is in never live at home with me again. She knew me before we got married and has totally accepted Cindy. I now live as Cindy but if she was at home and said no, I'd go back to part time. I miss her (sorry). And yes I've been through the attempted suicide stuff, and the self castration trys.

Cindy James