Unintentional emotional blackmail?

[Lutin]

Hi everyone,

Have anyone else's parents reacted in such a way as to make you feel emotionally bad about what you may want to do in the future about being TS?

I came out to my parents in October last year that I was transgender (not transsexual. At the time, I thought it was more TG and not TS. Seriously debating that now...) and they were perfectly accepting. Said that they'd always love me, that I'd always have a home, that they support me - everything you want your parents to say, and I was, and am, truly grateful that they have been so understanding and accepting.

The problem was that after finding out and being initially supportive, Mum then asked, in a baby-ish voice, "You not change your name? You always be my little girl?". I know she was trying to come to terms with it and everything, but she does the whole "baby-voiced question" a fair bit (the last time, last month, was when I mentioned I was thinking of moving out, after *she's* been going on and on and on (for a good two or three years, and I'm only 21) about how I should seriously think about not staying at home forever, and joking that she wished I'd move out soon (like making 'shooing' actions whenever the subject of me wanting to do a PhD comes up). But the moment I mentioned moving out, "You not move out? But who'll play the piano for me?" GAH!!!!!!!!!!!! ), and a couple of times she's talked about "the gender thing" in the same way.

I know she's not deliberately emotionally-blackmailing me, but the end result is the same - I feel bad about it because I know she'll be upset if I try to do anything about it in the future, which I *think* I want to do.

Please, anyone have any advice or similar experiences?? 'Cause I love my Mum, but I seriously don't know how to get around it all.

Thanks,

Will

[Nero]

Well, my mom is way supportive, but the name change thing always gets her sad too.

[vanna]

If mum is still sticking by you she will come around hunny i can assure you

[noxdraconis]

My mother was not all that supportive at first and did the emotional blackmail stuff as well, but when I took her with my to my first session with my awesome therapist, she made a complete about-face.  Now I have access to a $4000 savings account and have money randomly given to me (behind my extremely non-supportive father's back) so that I can soon afford to go to an endo.  So my advice is to have someone who is understanding of your plight talk to her, especially someone who she cannot unintentionally emotionally blackmail.

[Kayden]

My mother is supportive as well and she does the "emotional blackmail" or guilt tripping or whatever you want to call it.  The only thing I can really recommend is to take some time to figure out what you really want and once you know what you really want, stick to your guns even when she does this to you.  If you're firm and stand up for yourself, she'll eventually realize that she can't keep pulling the same tricks on you.  My mother is starting to realize this.  It's also good if you can explain what you mean if you need to.

The only thing that drives me crazy about my mother is her tendency to guilt trip me or whatever.  Other than that she's a great person.

[Lutin]

Guilt tripping is exactly it, and she's done it for years for a lot of things (though I doubt it's deliberate for most of them). And she sounds the same as yours - "the only thing that drives me crazy about my mother is her tendency to guilt trip me or whatever.  Other than that she's a great person." Yep, definitely.

I think the main problem at the moment is that I'm *not* 100% sure about everything, and trying figure it all out with this voice constantly at the back of your mind nagging "But you not change your name?" makes it rather hard...   Though hopefully by the time I get my head around it all, she might be getting there too.

Thanks for your help, everyone, it's always greatly appreciated.

Will