Do I Pass?

[Mister]

I don't mean that there's this internal "I pass SO well!" thing that happens, but you notice how people look at you, how they treat you, how they talk to you, etc.  if you get weird looks walking in the mens room, you don't pass.  you don't need someone to say, "Hey there young lady, why are you going in the men's room? is it because you think that I think that you look like a dude?  Because you're sorely mistaken."  The weird look says enough.

Make sense?

[Lachlann]

Yeah, I get what you mean now. That makes more sense.

[jaded]

i think its hard to say
because we all i think are ver amuned to what "passing" is...i think  most of us see gender through speaking to som1 rather than sex bt looking at som1...

[iFindMeHere]

i think its hard to say
because we all i think are ver amuned to what "passing" is...i think  most of us see gender through speaking to som1 rather than sex bt looking at som1...

I'm sorry, what?

[Mister]

i think its hard to say
because we all i think are ver amuned to what "passing" is...i think  most of us see gender through speaking to som1 rather than sex bt looking at som1...

I'm sorry, what?

I think ti's hard to say because we are, i think, all very attuned to what "passing" is.  I think most of us see gender through speaking to someone rather than sex by looking at someone."

Can't translate meaning, just poor typing.

[jaded]

haha sorry i mean post people in the trans community we  see things a little differant then other when we look at "gender" or "sex" so its hard to say.....at least it is for me i see so many transguys and think they pass because i know theyre men but aloty of times my S.O wouldl tell me they dont its just that im used to seeing guys that blook a lil more fem....

[metal angel]

lying or exaggerating is a safety issue, people.  you don't want to inflate some dude who still looks like a lady that he's The Best At Passing EVAR! b/c he could then get himself harassed, beaten or killed.

I'd recommend all of us early-transition guys take a good long look in the mirror. Ditch the carefully-angled shots and really make sure you're not trying so hard you put yourself in harms way.

You've got an entire life to live as a guy... patience now = better later. I should know. I've been a victim of this sort of violence already

Yikes, that's nasty! how often does that sorta stuff happen? really puts a spanner in the works of the "violence against women" paradigm. What seems to provoke it? is it from bioguys? I alwayse assumed they'd feel more threatened by, and so more violent towards M2Fs? i really can't work out whya woman would lash out at all though. what do you think's going on?

[Nimetön]

I clearly see the first as a photograph of a female in unusual clothing and with an odd haircut, sorry.

- N

[Ryan]

This is a very old topic. I no longer look like this.

[metal angel]

yeah, your profiel shot looks a lot better, i was just curious/worrieed by the reference to violence someone made. It's one of the reasons i've been worried about going out cross-dressed and i was wanting some more details and tips on how to be safe.

[Jeatyn]

In regards to violence, there are many many ->-bleeped-<-s out there that you need to be prepared for, this post makes it sounds much worse than it is because I'm listing everything at once but you seem like the kind of person who likes to overload on information

I've had guys have deem it necessary to try and prove/disprove my manliness by wanting to fight me, like I can't be a real man until I've beat the crap out of someone.

One time I was out with a girl and other guys kept kitting on her and trying to pick fights with me, caveman qualities come out when there's a girl at stake

There's the weirdo's who think all lesbians/FTM's just need a good seeing to in order to realise they are "real women" and can be really pushy about it

Then of course there's the whole "dyke" thing that causes a bit of aggro when I'm having a non-passing day

I'd rather fight a dude than a chick anyway, girls fight dirty, most guys seem to be more concerned about looking like action movie stars but haven't got a clue how to actually land a punch. If I got into a fight with someone who knew what they were doing though I would be royally screwed...but at least I can't be kicked in the balls.

As for tips...don't act all macho and cocky if you can't back it up. If someone starts on you it's best to walk away from it even if you think you can take them...not just because violence is never the answer blah blah....but because they might have backup (weapons/friends)

On a related note, I wouldn't carry a weapon to try and protect yourself, it could end up being used against you

Seriously though, 99% of the time people just get on with their own lives and don't give a crap what you're doing, it's not like everyone you pass on the street is going to want to kick your ass, so don't let that stop you from dressing however the hell you want and living your life.

[Teknoir]

It's also got a lot to do with where you go.

If you don't want to get in a fight, then don't go to place where lots of fights happen. Like bars in dodgy areas.

Before anyone calls me a pussy - there are lots of cis-men out there who also don't want to be in fights. My teeth cost about AU$13,000, I'd prefer not to get them knocked out so soon.

There's plenty of normal everyday places you can go presenting male without a problem. I've never had anyone want to start a fight while I've been out running errands, going out for lunch, or buying car parts.

[metal angel]

Well i do have a penchant for heavy metal bars... but i'd already ruled them out due to them being ~10% female crowd, and if that's what 10% of the crowd do to the ladies rooms (i'd sware there was something written in the walls in vommit once) ... i don't want to see what 9x that many metal heads do to the gents.

My friends who i go with say the compensation for the gents being gross is that you don't have to touch anything... but i think a non 100% passing pissing-packer... not a great idea in such a male-heavy environment? but i think with metal heads their bark is way worse than their bite, never seen a proper fight in a metal bar, never got sleazed onto either. Whereas my female freinds who frequent dance clubs (hetero' meat markets) say the guys there can be horrible? but maybe that's that i dress quite modestly?

Meh... i'm too much of a whimp, and way too far from passing, to try any of that shenadigens anyway. More of a general curiosity because there are a few campaigns about violence against women going, and someone here mentioned being scarred walking alone as a feminine thing, but i only know two people who have been attacked by strangers in the night (both unprovoked and quite violent) and they were both guys... .

What is it about a not-quite-passing transman that sets them off?

I'd probably only ever try it at house parties, mainly cos segregated bathrooms just make me nervous, and the house parties i'm at often have a goth guy or two in a skirt, so i'm probably safe there.

I was just thinking if i got a little braver i might be safer in male guize if "violence against women" is such a big problem... maybe that's a false concept though...

[Thorndrop]

Yep.  You could probably go for either gender depending on your mannerisms and what you're wearing at the time.

[Genevieve Swann]

If your hair were a little shorter I'd think you were a Mormon missionary because of the attire. You would be chastised and threatened with bodily harm if you ever returned to my door. Nothing personal DUDE but I hate missionarys. Yes, you pass. Too well. Stay away from gay bars unless you want to be picked up. You would surely attract attention.

[Elijah3291]

In the first picture I would say you don't pass

In the second picture, I say, yes you pass

[Osiris]

lol We have tons of do I pass threads but this one always seems to come back.

I like the new pic, you're lookin good.

[shanetastic]

that's a cool new photo

I do think you pass now, but I'd say you still look around like 15-16 years old.

Nothing really wrong with that though.  I'm 21 and people can't seem to ever guess that I'm above 19