A therapist...?

[HHSamanthaJB]

Mmmkay, so here's me, Jim-turning-Samantha, biologically male, but very much a girl in every other way.

Family does not know this (my first question is - how important is it to tell them? Can I get away with not bringing it up?) & I'm living with parents, in England, I'm 18 if this helps.

So, I'm a musician, but confidence is an issue. Cue New Year's Eve, I talk to my mother about seeing a therapist about **confidence**.
Second question - I've gathered that one of the first steps in being MTF is getting a therapist. Considering the situation, is this actualy progress? Do I need to get an individual therapist, or just be particular with this one? WHat do I have to know about this therapist?

Thirdly, as said I'm fairly new to the ordeal, so any pointers and tips would be welcomed too

Thanks you guys 'n' gals 🙂

[lizbeth]

hi samantha,

first good job on deciding to seek therapy. it's not important to tell your parents anything at this time. that said, you are still 18 and living under their roof, a time is going to approach (probably much sooner than you realize) where you are going to have to level with them and let them know what's going on. even more so if you decide to seek transition.

as to the therapy, it's good that you are seeking help but be aware that not all of them have experience dealing with gender issues. it's best to find one that specializes in gender indentity so that they can recognize what you are going through quicker and not have to train on teh job so to speak while you are paying per hour. don't be afraid to ask your therapist questions, he/she shouldn't be the only one asking questions.    

I don't know what you mean by an individual therapist versus a particular, but it's best to find one that you trust and can build a rapport with. you don't want to start with a new one every week or two, that's for sure.  does that answer your question?

as for pointers check the wiki on this site and even the therapy child board in the transexual section (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,52.0.html).

[HHSamanthaJB]

Thanks

That's helped a lot, thanks.

I have pretty liberal parents, and I'm far from closeted, I just wondered if its worth the fuss of 'coming out' or if I can just go about it casually.

individual versus particular, I meant basically would I be able to use the 'confidence' therapist to also deal with the 'gender' side of things? And would that involve checking his/her credentials or whatever?

I'm also keen to know what I can do in the meantime, too 🙂

[lizbeth]

I'm going to try and read into your situation a little.

you can go about it casually at first, just see how it goes. you don't really know how the session will go or anything at first, so it's hard to plan the outcome. as long as you are just talking about how you feel there is no reason to fuss about coming out just yet. your therapist may see your delay in wanting to come out as a negative as well, so be aware of that aspect of taking it too casually.

I suspect your parents are paying for this therapy and that this is probably your best option right now unless you decide to come out to them and seek a gender therapist instead or pay your own way. ideally what you need is someone that specializes in gender since that is probably the root of your "confidence" issues in the first place but that is a more complicated path at this time since it would involve coming or coming up with money.

you would have to research the therapist to see if they have any experience in this, either that or try it out and see how it goes. even if they aren't experienced in this they may be able to refer you to someone who is, and depending on the situation it may be someone else who is mainly "confidence issues" but dabbles in gender or sexuality.

as for what you can do in the meantime. relax. don't complicate things more by stressing out. your therapist is actually going to do most of the work at first, just be honest with yourself and the therapist. it's rough leading up to it with so many emotions and thoughts going through your head but just relax. I found that some free writing helped me collect my thoughts a bit. just random words and sentances that came to my head while I was doing some inner reflection. after you write stuff it's important to go back and read and see how you feel about what you wrote now compared to how you were feeling when you wrote it. that's just what helped me, your mileage may vary

another thing you might consider (since it's a liberal area after all 😉 ) is to check out some postings at the local GLBT center.

[Hana]

Hmmm.... your story kinda reminds me of me, i'm 18 and in the UK, but i'm no musician, mainly my problem is that i'm way to scared to talk to my parents about going to see a therapist (i don't think i could ever ask my dad), i'd rather go see one eventually that have some experience with gender issues and such, but i haven't managed to find anywhere nearby, i'm probably gonna be stuck like this for a long time before i can do anything about it, unless i sort of blurt it out or something...

Plus even if i go see a therapist i'm not even sure what i would say, i'm not even very sure about myself so how an i suppose to talk to someone else about it without sounding like a complete moron.

Good luck anyway.

[HHSamanthaJB]

Hmmmm, thanks

I sitll don't get, would you advise coming out or just going with it right now?


Also, I'm also a writer, I've written a few things about this. They're more like performance-poetry stream-of-conscious things than songs, when I write about gender issues, so that might be what you mean - it definitely helps!

On another note, I'm also supposedly making an album with my recording studio I have, and I've picked some songs which include gender-related songs. AND my parents are eagerly waiting this CD.... So yeah, I could come out musically. Hmm.

Hana - hi
Whereabouts in the UK?

[Hana]

South east kent, near the coast, if you know where that is...

[lizbeth]

Hmmmm, thanks
I sitll don't get, would you advise coming out or just going with it right now?

I can never make that decision for you, it's something only you can decide (like preventing forrest fires ).  for the long term goal of transition it will be best if you just come out and then seek a gender therapist, but I don't know your specifics.

I would say go to the first session and then see how you feel afterwards. you might be feeling particularly brave and feel that you can come out. in order to get help from your parents with this, you will have to come out eventually but no one is rushing you into anything.