why am I a m2f lesbian?

[Tammy Hope]

this is such a wildly complicated issue for me.

First and above all, i'm in a loving relationship with a woman who's been with me 20 years - emotionally i do not want to betray that relationship and i still find sex with her rewarding. As long as i still unfortunately have a penis, I'd be willing to use it on her behalf, even to the point of taking viagra or whatever to meet her needs. Iwould rather it be gone but as long as it's there anyway, I don't mind mentally assigning it the role of "strap-on" and using it.

All that said, if I lay that complication aside and look at things in the abstract, it's still pretty complicated.

My vision of myself - the sort of person I believe I am supposed to be (making no claims that this is typical or stereotypical) is of a "girly-girl" - submissive, dependent, "helpless"...in many ways a "bimbo" (albeit not lacking in intelligence) - a lot of the things which make up the stereotype women have been fighting against. I understand why they do and have no issue with it but that's just how I see me.

Bound up in that is the idea of having a big strong guy to take care of me. another aspect of that is that the sort of person I imagine myself to be is kinda...well...slutty. not to get into areas which violate the rules but i say that to illustrate that, again, it's tied pretty heavily into the idea that you really like to enjoy that thing that a man brings to the bedroom.

HOWEVER

At the same time, when i watch the world go by i inevitably look upon women as attractive, both in the sense of what I'd like to be and on a level of attraction. and when I look at the guys passing by, even the nice looking ones, I don't really see them as attractive...except when my mind wanders to...that part.

And when i read someone's account of finding their interest shifted from women only to men only as they transitioned i find myself HOPING this happens to me.

so i really don't know what the heck i am or where i'll end up. i guess for now you could say bi (I've preformed orally for a few guys and thoroughly enjoyed it) but i don't know what comes next.

[Nicky]

I don't think we can really talk about the way people have sex based on their orientations. I mean I mentioned the sex has been different going from straight to gay, but a lot of that is to do with the way my body now reacts. To accomodate that, sex naturally changes.

But, some men are incredibly sensitive and 'girly' lovers, some are submissive, some love the long nights of foreplay and tantric love. Others just want to get in a get out. I've meet women that cover that range too and it did not have much to do with their orientation. I've meet straight woman that admitted they are not keen on penetation. Though perhaps there are trends Correlation.

I've talked to gay women that have had sex with gay men and straight men and they tend to say gay men do tend to make love more like women then straight men tend to. 

Not everyone is sexually compatable regardless if your orientation matches, for example a submissive striaght guy would prefer a more dominant woman in the bedroom, two submissives have to work at it more.

[Hikari]

adding to the point Nicky made, things are even more complicated by the fact that submissive and dominant acts are completely subjective as well: What one person sees as submissive another might not.

This whole thing is sort of difficult to talk about due to the extreme subjectivity of the subject. The truth of the matter is that both sex and gender identity tend to be extremely personal subjects, and while I don't feel that they are connected in my life, I only have my own frame of reference, and it would be foolish to assume the rest of the world has to be just like me.

[BunnyBee]

Not everyone is sexually compatable regardless if your orientation matches, for example a submissive striaght guy would prefer a more dominant woman in the bedroom, two submissives have to work at it more.

Interesting thought.

[Alyssa M.]

I have no problem with them what-so-ever.  Just like you feel being with a man is distasteful to you, i also see two men or two women getting it on as something i dont want to try or get remotely into, its a personal thing, i have gay and lesbian friends, i dont care what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms, they are free to do so, they understand that i am not into that, and we still get along great.  I like people for who they are, and their personal lives are their own. 

Do i believe in LGB rights, sure i do, everyone should be treated fairly, there is no excuse for discriminating based on bias alone, without some kind of proof they are hurting others by the act.

Okay. Thanks for clarifying.

[Annalisa]

I think the original question, which was about transitioning, is perhaps more complicated than is obvious.

Transitioning to be a lesbian necessarily implies transitioning to be a woman. 

The answer then seems fairly simple: I'm a woman who wants to be with women as a woman.

Where it might get complicated, is in how much and what transitioning one wants to do.   For me, I do think SRS is necessary.  Some others, though, might feel some point prior to that is ok. 

[Ann Onymous]

Since the thread has been resurrected from the dead...

I think the younger a person is the easier it is to be hetero-flexible.

Also the more complete transition is, the easier it is to be heterosexual.

I would say this is very much dependent on the individual.  I ran into MAJOR issues with the 'gender mills' in the late 80's when I was still in my teens precisely because I did NOT identify as heterosexual.  I had identified as a baby dyke from the point in life at which I recognized sexuality as a component of my life (ie. late middle school to early freshman year of high school).  I never had romantic or sexual thoughts with persons of either sex AS my birth sex.  Put me firmly in the camp of sex and gender being separate concepts, something I believed long before I took a similarly titled sociology class as an undergrad... 

In the few decades that have passed since then, nothing has changed to make me even contemplate 'being' heterosexual.  And I don't know that 'transition' gets more complete than being ~15 years post-op... 

[Lisbeth]

Sure, but why so many M2F women who either have wives or girlfriends, or are attracted to other women, lesbian far far more than the average population ?

There is the assumption in there that there really is a difference. Why do you believe that ciswomen are less attracted to other women? Women's sexuality is very fluid, and most married women have had feelings that made them wonder if they were lesbian. If they are not "out" about that, it says something more about our society than it does about women's degree of attraction.

[kate durcal]

This is what I have a really hard time understanding, as from my earliest teens my fantasies were always about being the girlfriend of a wonderful guy ...

laura x

Gender Identity (GI) and Sexual Orientation (SO) reside in two different and separate areas in the brain. So there could be:

GI female, SO likes male = homosexual female

GI female, SO likes female = heterosexual female (that seems to be you)

GI male, SO likes male = homosexual male

GI male, SO likes female = heterosexual male

This is living what you chromosomes and external genitalia says about you out of the equation. Then add to the mixture: GI: female and male, neither female or male; and SO: likes males and females, or does not like males and females.

Saying that most of Susan's MTF are one type or another based on some responses is inaccurate at best. Even the USA health department is struggling with definitions and statistics (or lack off). So, hoeny I do not think you are anything special, perhaps just a double mutant.

Kate D

[aurora17]

I agree, I married a few years ago, trying to dispell my gender dysphoria. I was unsuccessful, gender dysphoria is part of myself and can't be erased.

I had immense difficulties to have intercourse as a male (but I managed to impregnate my wife and we got two kids) but it was definitely much easier and pleasurable for both of us to make it out the "lesbian" way.

Now that I'm living full time as a woman, I have an extramarital affair, with a woman. A woman who does not identify as a lesbian, but loves me (and reciprocally), as a woman.

So. Being MTF, being lesbian, are two unrelated things.

[Wil Najera]

there's nothing wrong with which gender you are attracted to. i've just started my FTM transition. i identified as a lesbian for years. but i'm a man on the inside. i never knew about transgendered people till about 2 years ago. whether ur a mtf who likes chicks, a mtf who likes dudes, ftm who likes chicks or dudes or just plain gay lesbian bi or straight. there's nothing wrong with any of that. two humans in love is all i see. dosent matter if ur brain and ur body match. all that matters is who you are inside and who you love. so if you're a MTF and you like women, MORE POWER TO YOU. do WHATEVER makes you happy. dont listen to anyone who says otherwise. it's just ignorance.

[Asfsd4214]

If women can be attracted to other women, why can't mtf women be attracted to other women?  I see no contradiction or strangeness.

Same reason as always.

In the minds of many, we're not women, we're transwomen, and we somehow have a different standard.

Therapists ive found (before I realized psychiatry is barely more than a cult) all had a go at me for not dressing more feminine. And why? Why am I expected to dress so feminine that I would actually look out of place with a bunch of random women because of that way of dressing?

Cause they see us as different and apply different standards to us, and there's people in the trans community guilty of that way of thinking as well.

Personally I've found I'm somewhat pansexual (though I'm definitely more attracted to and have had more sexual relationships with guys)

As to why there's so many M2F lesbians? Dunno, does it really matter? I'm an individualist, I say just do your own thing and let other people do theirs.

[lucy nolan]

i personaly am also a MTF trans gurl and i am lesbian too, i don;t think being one sex and being sexualy attracted to either the same sex or the oppsite sex or being trans for that matter are even linked, you are who you are.
              i could never be a man and be with another woman, it dosnt feel right to be i tried it once and i don;t want to experience it again but i did love her enough to actualy be a man for her but that slowly killed me inside and i ended up on depression tablets but i'm no longer on them.
              But that being said i feel anyone of any gender being it male, female, FTM, MTF, or just in the middle if you feel something for someone you should never let any of these get in your way, this is how i feel i identify as lesbian but if i felt that something when talking to a guy i would not dismiss it because he was a guy, just be yourself, if you like girls and you want to be a girl physicaly aswell as mentaly then go for it hun.
              I know i am, at the end of the day nobody picks who they fall in love with, your heart wants what it wants, just love yourself for who you are first and then others 2nd and your life can't go wrong, your a woman and you love women and if anyone has a problem with that then thats there problem not yours.
               I love being a girl and i love women plain and simple, lesbians love women they don't get questioned about it so why should we, just be yourself and love who u want to love xxx

[Victoriousseducer]

I am also a m2f lesbian. when i was young, i had several girlfriends, one who was bi. watching her and her partner, i realized that i was curious about being female. so i became a m2f and kept my feelings for women. I think this is why

[kristin?]

i have always been attracted to female gender and never really for the male gender, not to say i havent crossed the tracks once, i hated it and found that i wasnt gay or attracted to males..                                                                                                     I am transgender and born in the wrong body and I hate what I was born as, but me wanting to be female and still wanting to be with other females how can that be that i feel that way? and is that even possible?
I dont' know anyone that has the same problem, or atleast i have not met anyone, even online, so i feel alone on this and thats why i started this topic.
If your out there your not alone let me know..
All feed back welcome hepl me get some in sight..

I'm the same way, doesn't seem to be too uncommon :p

I am also a m2f lesbian. when i was young, i had several girlfriends, one who was bi. watching her and her partner, i realized that i was curious about being female. so i became a m2f and kept my feelings for women. I think this is why

Same here!

[missjanealice]

Gender Identity (GI) and Sexual Orientation (SO) reside in two different and separate areas in the brain. So there could be:

GI female, SO likes male = homosexual female

GI female, SO likes female = heterosexual female (that seems to be you)

GI male, SO likes male = homosexual male

GI male, SO likes female = heterosexual male

This is living what you chromosomes and external genitalia says about you out of the equation. Then add to the mixture: GI: female and male, neither female or male; and SO: likes males and females, or does not like males and females.

Saying that most of Susan's MTF are one type or another based on some responses is inaccurate at best. Even the USA health department is struggling with definitions and statistics (or lack off). So, hoeny I do not think you are anything special, perhaps just a double mutant.

Kate D

I think you have those backwards, Hetro would be girl likes boy and homo would be girl likes girl