Quote from: Chrissty on February 05, 2009, 08:14:39 AM
...I can hear the comments now...
Oh no, it's "her" again....Still can't make a bl**dy decision about whether or not to transition...
Maybe I'm just too sensitive to what you all think, and maybe this prisoner has become too used to her cell, and has lost the motivation to break free?
A realisation of 'sorts' of came out of the blue this morning....
The truth is (for a whole bunch of reasons), my conscious mind
is fighting my subconscious mind.....
.the "conscious" guy is saying this is whole thing is crazy...
.. the "subconscious" girl is saying it's got to happen to be happy.....
The guy keeps explaining to the girl that to make the change they would loose everything....
.... the girl forgets the facts, and says "but we would just feel sooo much better".
But.... the conscious mind is smart, and he realises that if he could find the weak
spots in the girls defences, maybe by conceding in a few skirmishes he may
distract her enough to gain overall victory. Unfortunately although she guesses
what is happening, the girl has no power to prevent this tactic. So the
guy engages the advice of a therapist to help develop the "winning" strategy.
The girl has no answer to this plan, and she awaits the inevitable defeat,
clutching at the forlorn hope that the therapist will turn out to be a double-
agent, and switch sides to help her.
...but deep down she still knows there is one final option....
....the one terrible trump card that cannot loose...
....If only she can nag at him just loud enough, and long enough.....
....to shake hands with the Grim Reaper (just for a moment).....
.. Then he would loose all hope, and victory would be hers...
Life is such a dangerous game at times...
Chrissty
I love the flow of your words, the poetry of your prose. Going with the gist of your message, the choice is yours, and yours alone. You aren't going to be convinced one way or another by someone typing the solution for you here.. you have to feel it in yourself. You will know when you are ready. If only life could be like a toaster.. *pop*, toast's done, let's transition now!
Gatekeepers can't keep you down, not now. If you truly want something, you can make it happen.
*huggs*,
Melan
