When Does The Elation Subside?

[Julie Marie]

One by one I've been eliminating the obstacles I've set up to keep me from transitioning.  And as I have eliminated them I have found myself happier and happier.  I just eliminated the last one a few weeks ago and I've been flying high ever since.  I stubbed my toe pretty bad the other day then I looked at it and saw the pink painted toenails.  My mind instantly went to what life will be like when having painted nails will be normal.  The pain from the stubbed toe vanished.  Gone!  I found myself thinking how great it will be to never have to act male again. 

It's been like this with everything.  Nothing can get me down.  Not even for a minute.  All I have to do is think about how I've wanted this for as long as I can remember and now I'm finally doing it and I feel these waves of joy overcome me.  I haven't been able to concentrate on anything for very long.  The house needs cleaning, the grass needs to be mowed, I have a project that requires a little bit of electrical work and some drywall, it will take me maybe 3 or 4 hours total, but I just can't seem to focus on these things long enough to get them done.  All I can think about is how I've waited for this to happen for over 50 years and now it's happening. 

Is this common?  Is this something we all go through?  I really need to get my feet back on the ground or I'll need a bush whacker to tackle the lawn!

[Julie Marie]

Maybe you'll be able to focus better after starting your RLT.  I definitely am able to now.  Once life starts feeling "normal" I guess.

Melissa

Melissa, I've been 24/7 less 40 for almost a year which many therapists consider the RLT, including mine.  I know she'd write the SRS letter if I asked.  Many therapists are looked at as gatekeepers.  I was my own gatekeeper.  Now that I've retired from that position and have given myself permission to transition I've just been so elated!  The biggest change has been in my mind. 

Whatever the case, this happiness seems to have no end.

[Buffy]

Hi Julie,

Hmmmm .... The elation subsides when it stops becoming a focus in your thoughts, dreams and life just becomes...... NORMAL, the dream becomes reality.

Yeah, at first it is thrilling, enthralling and great to get dressed, go out and experience what life should be like as a woman (or a guy). You get a kick from taking hormones, going to the hairdressers and going out shopping, buying clothes ..... all that great stuff.

If you are not full time, it also becomes very depressing (and confusing), going back to being the alter ego and having to do the "macho stuff".

I used to get up real early, when I first went full time, have a shower, choose clothes, do my hair, get made up.....I can do all this in under 60 minutes (and less!) if I have to now.... I have perfected this art!.

Things gradually change as the world starts to see you as a woman , you get treated like one and it can be quite a culture shock...

I am now used to guys treating me like I have an IQ of 10, talking to my chest in business meetings.... It goes with the territory.

Enjoy the elation you have now..... life soons become reality.

Buffy

[cindianna_jones]

Juilie, for you, I hope that it never does!  For me, it was just wonderful not to be sad and unhappy all the time   You are just so perky!  I have a hunch that you will always be happy.

Cindi

[tinkerbell]

For me, the elation is always there, but it isn't as high as it used to be at the beginning.  Sometimes, of course, I have my not so happy moments like everyone else, I guess.  Nevertheless I think that my days on this earth are brighter and happier than what they used to be years ago.


tinkerbell

[Buffy]

Hey... don't get me wrong, the fun is still there, it never goes away, but elation is not the word to describe the feeling.

I love my life, every time I get called Ma'am or madam it sends a tingle down my spine.

It is just moving on, acceptance of one self that changes and normality (what ever that is?) sets in... whether you realize it or not..

Like Tinkerbell said, we all have our bad days, but I am just so happy to be alive and living my dream.

Buffy

[stephanie_craxford]

I'm happy to say that I experience elation all the time, however many things are still new to me and I'm still learning as well.  Frustration was/is easily overcome by the elation I experience when I face and conquer new challenges.  It is often fleeting, but the feeling of success lasts.  I imagine that as my life settles into the "routine", the "norm", etc... then the elation or is it the novelty? will gradually fade.  Right now at my stage, life is definitely becoming routine, normal even.  When a man asks me to dance, the rush, elation of the moment is always there, I feel good about my self, as both Cindi and Buffy have explained in their experiences.


Steph

[Elizabeth]

Hey Julie,

I have been full time for two years now, almost to the day, and the elation has not worn off for me.  I am not a big mirror gazer, so almost every time I see myself, it still makes me smile.  For so long I hated who I was seeing in the mirror, and now I love who I see. 

Yes, I still have a male body, but no one really sees it besides me, my wife, and the doctor.  I really live my life as a girl now.  My new accepting wife encourages me to be more passable and likes that I am a girl.  Do I wish my transition was farther along? Sure, but it's really down to logistics now, everyone concerned is on board with it or out of my life.

I think certain TS's may feel more elation than others depending on how much they suppressed and for how long, although that is just anecdotal and I can offer no evidence to support that conclusion.  I do agree with others that when your life seems normal again, as a woman, the feeling will subside somewhat.  I also agree with others here who feel it may just be you freeing the true person you have always been, but just never knew it.  I think you are just one of those happy people.

I hope and wish for you that the feeling never subsides.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Julie Marie]

Right now I feel this happiness will always be there.  All I have to do is think back on 50+ years of being in a dark place.  Freedom to be me brings about that happiness.  Two years and it's over, if I can last that long.  I need to so I'm fully insured, medically, when I retire.

Now it's time to remove the nail polish, but just on my fingernails, and take off the makeup.  It's time to become Jim, the construction foreman, assistant project manager or whatever else they need me to be.  And I'll talk of this weekend as if Julie was a GG friend of mine.  As Jon Lovitz would say "ACTING!"

[Luc]

Julie, do you really want the elation to go away? I love how good it feels to put on a binder, dress as a guy, and go out in public and pass. It's awesome. While the times I can't do that are pretty bad, at least I always have something to look forward to!

Btw, I can understand why you'd continue to work as a guy. I think that, until I get the balls to tell my parents (no pun intended... well, okay lol) I'm TS, I'll end up keeping my female appearance strictly around them, but be myself the rest of the time. It's just a safety issue.

Rafe

[Julie Marie]

Rafe, I don't want the elation to go away but my time spent on this earth has taught me you can't stay on a high forever.  If you do it becomes the norm and is therefore no longer a high.

I know I am immensely happier having overcome the final obstacle.  I have made my plans for how I will complete this transition.  I've never taken it this far before.  I was afraid I'd hurt too many people.  But yes, I am enjoying this and I do want it to continue but I also want it to become normal for me so I can focus on other things.

Melissa, you are entitled to think anything you want but there are facts here that cannot be changed.  While mentally you are a female, physically you are a genetic male and that makes you a transsexual.  I am a transsexual and not a genetic female.  I will live my life as a genetic female would but I'll never be one.  I will always be a transsexual.  I'm perfectly okay with that.  Accepting that truth helped me overcome some of the last obstacles.

I'm sorry living my life in a way that makes me happy irritates you.  That isn't the intention.  If someone is happy I am happy for them.  I don't get caught up in semantics.  I would be an idiot to burden myself in retirement because I was hung up on male privelige.  Life is hard enough, why make it harder?  I gave most of my life to my family, from my parents to my kids, and lived as a male to make them happy.  Going to work as a male is something I started doing long before I realized I could transition.  Now, if I value my life, I must continue to do so until retirement and I will regardless when I have SRS.  Transitioning on the job would be suicide.  Changing professions is just plain foolish.  I have 32 years invested in this job.  To throw that away because I was worried about someone complaining male privelige is crazy.  I gave up decades of true happiness to act male for my family.  Now I'll use that to my advantage.  I earned it!  Anyway, male privelige doesn't exist in my profession.  Men and women are paid the same.

I really don't care what percent I live my life as a female.  I do what I need to do.  If you feel you need to live it 100% then that's what you need to do, not everyone else.  I would never tell you how to live your life or if you are or aren't doing things the way I feel you should.  Maybe you're not totally settled with issues in your own life and you project that on others.  I don't know, but coming on here and saying what you have is uncalled for.  This is my life, not yours.

As far as the reason why I'm so happy I'll tell you so you don't have to guess, I am free to be me.  It's as simple as that.  As long as I am hurting no one by the way I live it I will continue to do what makes me happiest.  That it irritates you is an issue you will have to deal with yourself because I'm not changing a thing.

[Julie Marie]

I did not realize you were only looking for "way to go" type messages.

Melissa

Melissa, you assumed wrongly.  I was not looking for "way to go" replies.  How you came to that conclusion, I don't know.  I was only asking a simple question and was looking for how others felt, not to have my life choices criticized.  You have not offended me.  While I felt your comments were uncalled for, I was not offended.  My reply to you was intended to convey that everyone is different.  We all lead our lives in a way that hopefully will result in happiness.  I am happy, unbelievably happy.  And I want others to enjoy the same level of happiness or better.  I hope you are one of those people.