My birth name is Derek, but ya'll can call me Holly. I am 21 and I live in michigan, I have come out to my girlfriend, who is very supportive, but not yet my mother.
I began wearing women's clothes when I was about 13. I would wait for no one to be home, then sneak into my mother's room and steal her panties, stockings, anything I could get really. I would wear it around the house for a while and then feel really guilty and put them away.
This continued for about a year or so, then, feeling very guilty and disgusting, decided never to wear her clothes again. I didn't, but I couldn't stop from looking at the other girls I hung out with, seeing their curves, their softness. Jealous of it. I hated that and in hating that, hated myself for not being them. I know now that this was the main reason for my attitude towards myself and others in high school. I was very withdrawn and had but a handful of freinds with whom I did nothing but smoke pot.
I have recently come out to my girlfriend, told her I wished since I was very small that I was a girl. She told me it was ok and since then we have shared all of her clothes between the two of us, except during the day really, where I only wear her underwear (or mine, I have a few pairs that I've bought and actually kept, not feeling as guilty all of the time).
Ever since I was little I connected better with girls, all of my memorable friends were all female, from elementary school on up. My girlfriends during that time were really just friends in that I didn't loose my virginity or have any desire to until I was 16 and met my current g/f. Even then we were better friends than lovers, and have stayed together for the last 5 years. We have two beautiful children and love each other more than ever.
She is my crutch, which I guess is a bad thing, relying on her too much, but she loves me and wants to see me happy. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am still trying to find who I am and how I want to go about being that person.
In closing I guess I'll just say that I hope to be useful here and to be a fun addition to your forum!
