Getting Started on Transitioning

[Morgan-Winters]

Hello, Firstly Im Morgan and im M2F and have been for the last 10 years, last year i want to my doctor and spoke to her about my feelings and such and asked for her to send a letter to a gender identity clinic, i have going there every 6 weeks since august 08 and although the guy that i see know what he is talking about and has a lot of experience with dealing with trans people, i feel he doesn't understand how i really feel inside. he has said that he thinks the best way to go about my transition is for me to move to london and go to a uni there which i kinda wanna do, now the thing is, i hate london and the rest of the UK for that matter and i dont wanna go though me transition while live here but i cant afford to move somewhere else, also my mum i sort of understanding and the way i am, and has said she will stand by my but my dad hates it and has said that if i go though with hormones and SRS then i wont be welcome home nor will he speak to me again.

just a couple of questions,
1. is it normal for a gender doctor to make you wait untill half way though your transition before start you on hormones?
2. how could i get around my dad?

Thanks for reading and for any help
Morgan
 

[mina.magpie]

The requirements for HRT vary from one therapist to the next, depending on the version of the Standards of Care they use, their own procedures and their assessment of you, but generally they require 3 months of continuous therapy or that you be FT already. Doctors who still follow older SOC's may require that you live FT as your target sex for a year before they'll okay hormones.

I think moving to London is probably your best bet, though alot of the UK people say that Charing Cross (the gender clinic there) is actually one of the bad ones, so yeah, hopefully they'll come correct me. From a support and resource point of view though, it rocks. I spent a few years living there, till June this year, started my transition there, albeit privately, and yeah, it was a good environment for me.

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about your dad's attitude. Either he will come around eventually or he won't. Sadly one of the things you have to be willing to face if you transition is that you might lose everybody close to you, might lose financial support, work, everything. Transition is not an easy choice to make, but then, for most of us there isn't much choice in it anyway.

Hugses, and sorry about the gloom. Hope for the best sweetie, but prepare for the worst.

Mina.

[JENNIFER]

Hello Morgan, I am a patient at Charing Cross clinic and personally consider it to be a spendid place to have my life put on track etc. and get the required treatment.  It has a negative reputation but in my opinion it is not in my experience to have found anything to complain about.   

Your concern about the Dr. knowing his onions whilst not understanding YOU as a person is a common complaint about Charing Cross clinic as well but I am of the view that all those doctors wherever they practice are phychiatrists and not mind readers and it is for you the patient to 'open up' when you have your sessions.  They are not exactly numerous, in that I go every 4 months for a 30 minute chat, but I was told before my first trip by a friend that if you are completely open, hide nothing and are truthful, the people there can be in a good position to help you. There is nothing that you can say that will embarrass them or shock them.  They are specialists in their field over and above the fact that they are qualified medical doctors also.  Far from being 'shrinks', they are a lifeline in our troubled worlds and without them, I do not know how I could get through the battles that rage within my mind.

There are the 'standards' to meet but they are in the main considered guidelines and are not above medical needs be they mental or physical. Until the doctor knows you as a person, and I have seen two of them plus the Endocrinologist, they cannot begin to consider HRT.  They are dangerous substances that not only change your body but also affect how you think and behave and can only be prescribed with absolute certainty and with constant care and supervision.

Your question  1. is it normal for a gender doctor to make you wait untill half way though your transition before start you on hormones?

     It is entirely down to your circumstances re. stage of transition, your general health and if the doctor considers you to be ready and would benefit from HRT.    I am fulltime in my female life, had been well before getting my referral and after a year of attendance still await HRT to begin but that is down to my medical history and risk assessment by the Endocrinologist. I expect to begin treatment in a few weeks time following an exchange of letters between various hospitals and Charing Cross.     Another thing Morgan, how can anyone quantify the half way stage of your transition?  I believe a transition is unique to you, it will take as long as it takes therefore I cannot see how a doctor decides that " Ok Morgan, you have hit half way and here are your pills".  That would suggest that your SRS would occur at exactly the time spent after starting HRT as was the time you began transition, you see my point here?  Of course I speak from a UK perspective where health care is not subject to personal finances or insurances.


I cannot offer anything meaningful to your second question about your father because I 'divorced' my entire family a long time ago and thus suffer no hystrionics from any of them.  Your mother sounds reasonable and one would expect a woman to understand.  My mother was perhaps an exception because she is/was ultra catholic and offered nothing but hostility. Father was ex military and I lived in absloute fear of him so being feminine would result in horrific beatings, something for another thread perhaps........

I am a little troubled about the 'need' to move to London to aid transition.  Heck, it is a hideously expensive city to visit let alone uproot your life and go live there.   It of course allows easy transport links etc and that would be the only reason that I would consider to go live there.  I live in a small town near Birmingham ( one hour from the mainline rail station there ) and my trips on average are 16 hours total.  Others travel far greater distances and require overnight stays to facilitate the appointment and travel.  The fact that your current therapist considers going to London might help you needs clarification.  A referral to Charing Cross takes a long time to set up because it is the UK centre for GID but they are well placed to offer all the necessary treatments and is located very close to the main hospital for blood tests and eventually for the SRS. 

The question is Morgan, do you wish to be referred to Charing Cross and does your location permit this in a manageable way economically?

I am pleased that you started this thread as it will benefit all UK members of this board and I am here to offer insight and my perspective if you and others wish of it.  Meanwhile, keep your head up, keep smiling and good luck.

[Morgan-Winters]

Thanks for the replies, firstly im not at Charing Cross, i go to The Laurels in Newton Abbot, i dont know if my Dr used to work at Charing Cross. I always find it hard to open up ever to people close to me, im one of those people that just hold everything inside, its just the way i am.

Ok i can understand that they have guide lines to stick to, but they way i see it, this is my journey in life, can providing i know and am ready to start the treatment i should be able to start whenever i like, the only thing that is medically wrong is i have mind asthma and i dont think that would stop me from HRT. The thing is, i am a very enclosed person and dont have any confidence within myself and going full time without looking female will be extremely hard for me, i would like to start the treatment and in like 6 mouths go full time, at least id look somewhat female and i think i would be happier within my self.

I know what you are saying Jennifer, i dont get it either, i was trying to work it out on the train home, like you said, transitioning is unique to each person and why is it up to a Dr to decide when the time is right.

yeah my mum is somewhat accepting and she is slowly coming to terms with it, but as for my dad, well i really dont understand how he can be a paramedic, yet refuses to even bother to read any info on the matter since its a medical condition and treated by the company he works for (if you can call the NHS a company).

yeah i dont want to move to london but the uni i want to go to is (as far as i know) the only uni in the uk that teaches what i want to do (theatre lighting) so i am will to go there. my dr did say he dosent want my to go to Charing Cross and has said i could still go down to newton abbot to see him.

to your question Jennifer, i live in cornwall and newton abbot is just under 100 miles from me, where as london is just over 400 mile.

quick question, if i offer to pay for HRT would that speed up the process to getting on it?

[JENNIFER]

...quick question, if i offer to pay for HRT would that speed up the process to getting on it?

Morgan, why pay your own way for HRT when the NHS can do that for you in due course?  No need.

Your clinic, with the advice of an Endocrinologist will decide when you should start, your blood needs monitoring and your GP will keep an eye on you as he/she will issue the prescriptions on a repeating cycle.  Doing it privately may mean you need also to pay for blood tests and other matters that may arise from HRT.  In other words, you risk being considered a private patient.

Please also remember that the psychiatrist is there to listen to you and if you try to relate your inward looking nature as a consequence of your transsexual feelings, he/she may be able to bring you out a little and build on the confidence.  I used to terribly shy and would avoid human contact but going fulltime and shyness is simply incompatible and it cured me.   I learned to be my true self as I was no longer hiding from the world.  I learned to accept myself, to believe that I was worth something and have never looked back.  My psychiatrist helped because I told him of my inner fears and feelings, he set me straight and it all seems worthwhile.   If you dont completely trust the Dr. and let him help you now, then you will have a very long hard lonely road in front of you.

As I said previously, your transition is unique, the Dr. wil have seen a great many like you and each will have had a pathway tailored to them alone.  You are no different in that way but the Dr. needs to know the whole Morgan-Winters and not what you think he needs to know.

As regards to Charing Cross, if you transfer to that clinic, you will have to start again because you will have new doctors that do not know you and they dont work on 'the papers' sent with a referral.
By all means go study in London, get rooms and try to discover yourself in a new town but stay at Newton Abbot clinic for continuity of care.

Remember that you need not feel alone, you have the membership of these forums if you have questions or issues you need to talk about and you can also make direct contact with anyone you feel you can talk to, people exactly like you.  Good luck and be strong because 'you are worth it'.

[cindybc]

Hi Jennifer and Morgan-Winters I just happen onto this thread and when I saw the words UK and Charing Cross it kind of caught my attention. I have heard a lot of negative stuff about Charing Cross and now I am seeing a possible light at the end of the tunnel and it ain't a train. So I kind of got curious it appears there is two sides to the story behind Charing Cross and, well, I'm curious is all.

Cindy

[JENNIFER]

Hi Jennifer and Morgan-Winters I just happen onto this thread and when I saw the words UK and Charing Cross it kind of caught my attention. I have heard a lot of negative stuff about Charing Cross and now I am seeing a possible light at the end of the tunnel and it ain't a train. So I kind of got curious it appears there is two sides to the story behind Charing Cross and, well, I'm curious is all.

Cindy

Indeed, always two sides to any story if one bothers to listen.  I am a patient there and can only praise the medical and support staff.  The negative reputation is historic, probably due to it's previous guise as 'The Claybrook' clinic.  I know a few people that are keen for Charing Cross clinic to be closed but I am not among them.

[cindybc]

Thanks for responding. I would like check in now and again to learn more as time goes, if it's OK. Any and all knowledge gained is a good thing to have. Thanks.

Cindy

[sd]

People are more likely to complain than praise.
There is likely many people happy with their care.

[Nigella]

Thanks for the replies, firstly im not at Charing Cross, i go to The Laurels in Newton Abbot,

Cool Morgan, I go to the Laurels, Newton Abbot. I live in Devon. I travel 80 miles each way. I found that you have to do the talking in the counselling sessions and as as been said, "you have to open up" I don't know who you see and It's probably not right to say so on here in the public domain but if you want to PM me I am here to chat.

hugs

Stardust