Hi folks, I actually registered a few days ago but then I got nervous -- I know how I feel, but acknowledging it to other people is a big step. So, about me...
I'm not really sure where I fall on the spectrum of things. I wasn't one of those kids who dressed in their mother's clothes at age 4 or so, but then my mother's clothes weren't very... appealing, I guess you could say. I was, however, stealing her fancy lingerie catalogs since as far back as I can remember, and I would then sneak them to my room and look at them. I would often dream up fancy dresses at night before falling asleep. I don't think then that I pictured *me* wearing those dresses, but I was definitely fixated on the female form from way before I had any sexual urges. My mom has told me that when I was two, she would look at bras in catalogs I would look at them with her, but I don't actually remember that.
I'm not going to dive into the whole history of things -- I guess the short story is that sometime when I was a teenager I realized how much I wished I could be a girl, but it always seemed vaguely impossible, like wishing I could fly or something. Later I was definitely victim to the awful media presentation of transsexuals as mostly freaks -- that the best I could hope for would be something halfway, she-male or whatnot, and so the idea of actually doing something about my feelings was kind of repulsive. (edit: this isn't how I think now, just trying to be honest about how I saw it then)
It wasn't until a few months ago that I basically said %@#$ it and started googling things with an open mind and experimenting with taking the first steps (specifically things I can keep concealed for now, like shaving my legs). As of this moment I've never actually crossdressed (although it doesn't really count as crossdressing if you're TS/TG does it?), but my first items arrived in the mail today (thank god for internet shopping) so now it's off to shower and then to try things on and see whether I feel like I'm making a big mistake.
Oh, and about the name, Vesper -- it's not really my new/desired name because I'm not really sure what I'm going to do about that yet (topic for another thread), but it's a name I like so I guess that's what I'll go by for now. Now that I've introduced myself you'll probably see me sticking my nose in other threads and starting a few of my own... looking forward to getting to know people!
