Coming to terms with it all.

[klodefm42]

Uh I dont know if this is the right section to post this thread. If it isnt could someone kindly redirect me to the right section?

In December I finally came to terms with being transgendered. My story is sort of really cliche. Stuffed away my feelings due to family, and shame. Etc. Etc. I thought I had gotten rid of those feelings but telling someone that I had em brought them back to the surface again. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and was really accepting of them this time unlike then. Some people don't believe me and think its only for attention. So it sort of bummed me out, but someone told me that who cares what they think and they are right.
Has anyone here been in a similar situation?  I have to go see a gender specialist. You can all refer to me as Lindsay.

[Annwyn]

Welcome, Lindsay.

EVERYONE has issues sorting out who they are and what they want to be in life, it's even crueler to shove this sort of confusion so early on in life.

Hope you're doing ok with it.

[V M]

Hi Lindsay and welcome 

Many here have had similar experiences. You've come to the right place

I kept my feelings supressed for years. But they always came back. I am in my forties and finally come to terms with it all.

I'm sure you'll make lots of friends to share your experiences with 

[klodefm42]

Thanks Virginia Marie, and you Toni. On another similar thread I read these replys by Shanetastic on the How did you know thread. To some people I have told, they tell me "you dont even act ->-bleeped-<-goty.." they're layman's term for feminine. Well I dont out of fear for the obvious. Ive told people that eventually by 40 I will have some mid life crisis and look back with feelings why didnt I come to terms earlier.. Ive seen alot of docs where people join the military and become these Rambo Commando Killing Machines only to quit the military to pursue the quest to become who they feel they are inside. Oh by the way Im mtf.

[V M]

Thanks Virginia Marie, and you Toni. On another similar thread I read these replys by Shanetastic on the How did you know thread. To some people I have told, they tell me "you dont even act ->-bleeped-<-goty.." they're layman's term for feminine. Well I dont out of fear for the obvious. Ive told people that eventually by 40 I will have some mid life crisis and look back with feelings why didnt I come to terms earlier.. Ive seen alot of docs where people join the military and become these Rambo Commando Killing Machines only to quit the military to pursue the quest to become who they feel they are inside. Oh by the way Im mtf.

Sounds all too familiar.... 

[klodefm42]

Yea, i know its totally cliche. After I was like not being taken seriously and sort of not getting support my mind started to go into existential mode as if whats the point in gender and what not. Now its like ->-bleeped-<- it, just go forward its not their life its yours. What ive been doing is just being very enthusiastic and optimistic about the whole thing like rather looking at downs sides which everyone knows already even those who arent even tg..but instead looking at it as hey Im finally accepting me and Im not the only one out there with these feelings..

[Annwyn]

Lindsay had a hate thread started on her, by a bunch of prissy teenage MtFs, claiming her as a, "fake" transsexual because of the cover she has to put on for her own safety.  She was just trying to make friends and they did that to her.

I was outraged, that one/many of our own could do this to her.  So I let loose my fury on that thread until they finally deleted the damned thing.  Stupid stupid stupid.

So, I'm doing my best to help this girl out.  She's been through a ton of pain and grief and needs support.  Badly.

[V M]

Not so much cliche. It was the part about joining the military and becoming a killing machine that struck me. Many do that to supress their fellings. Only to find that the feelings are still there. I have found new enthusiasm and have felt optimistic these past few years. Stay up beat and be the person you are 

[yvbwsf]

Hi Lindsay,

No your definetly not alone, everyone has tried to hide but it comes to a point when the decision is to be happy or not to be happy - This is what ive been realising recently.

Ive always had something inside of me that i didnt understand, that made me upset & depressed that meant i never enjoyed life. i too hid from it for years without even knowing what it was. Now im starting to come to terms with it my childhood makes sense, what i did why i did etc. i'm feeling alot happier even tho im sh1t scared. End of the day you just have to go for it.

Anyway have a good night. X.

[V M]

Lindsay had a hate thread started on her, by a bunch of prissy teenage MtFs, claiming her as a, "fake" transsexual because of the cover she has to put on for her own safety.  She was just trying to make friends and they did that to her.

I was outraged, that one/many of our own could do this to her.  So I let loose my fury on that thread until they finally deleted the damned thing.  Stupid stupid stupid.

So, I'm doing my best to help this girl out.  She's been through a ton of pain and grief and needs support.  Badly.

A hate tread? Here? Owo that makes me @#$%^&*! I hope them buggers got a spankin'

[klodefm42]

Thanks Mark. Agree with you, about being happy. Yes there was a hate thread posted about me. I would have been in deep ->-bleeped-<- if it had grown. Toni, you have no idea how thankful I am for you helping me out like that. But that brings to another thing. Yea that sort of brought me down on how some fellow tg people didn't believe me and sort of didn't accept me. But I was told that it doesnt matter what they say cause its not their life its mine and they dont make up all of the TG population. I am most certainly not going to stuff away those feelings again and have em resurface at a very inappropriate time.

[V M]

Lindsay had a hate thread started on her, by a bunch of prissy teenage MtFs, claiming her as a, "fake" transsexual because of the cover she has to put on for her own safety.  She was just trying to make friends and they did that to her.

I was outraged, that one/many of our own could do this to her.  So I let loose my fury on that thread until they finally deleted the damned thing.  Stupid stupid stupid.

So, I'm doing my best to help this girl out.  She's been through a ton of pain and grief and needs support.  Badly.

We're all here for you.  I'm sorry that such a thing  could happen

[klodefm42]

Thanks!

[01803lpn]

Hi Lindsay and welcome,

I am also new here and have just started to come to terms with the fact that my feelings will never change.  I did many things to hide who I was,  you know the army, wife, three kids, the whole works.  My soon to be ex just took off and left me with the kids so now is my chance to consider myself.  I am going very slowly nobody knows anything about the way I feel.  I have made my first appointment with a therapist so if I can just work up the courage to go I will have made at least some progress.  I cant really offer any advice because this is all so new to me to but just know that you are not alone and there are a ton of people that will support you here.  I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.  Just remember that the feelings that you have will not change and if you hide from them in my experience they eventually come back even harder.  Oh well this was my longest post and I hope I have not made a fool of myself but sometimes it helps me to to try to put into words the way that I feel. 

[V M]

You haven't made a fool of yourself at all Christine. I enjoy your comments and insite on the subject 

[Wendy C]

Hi Lindsay  You are not alone in this and this is why these sites are here, to allow you to express your feelings and gain feedback from those that are walking similar paths. I think one of the most important steps any of us can take is to seek out a Therapist that is Gender trained and sympathetic to transwomen and transmen. They will aid you in exploring your feelings and mapping out your path.

Dont let age get in the way of this, I started actively transitioning at 60 as have many others at all age groups. GID in my opinion is something that will not just go away, at some point you will have to face it full on. There is light at the end of the tunnel and now that you have taken this very very important step you are on the path to finding your way towards peace. Hugs

Wendy

[klodefm42]

Thank you very much for the kind words Wendy C! Right now I sort of feel like I want to go away and hide till it all blows over. For the obvious reasons of course. You are right, this is the most important step and I just have to keep going. To my shock its been most of the women Ive told that are against it. Most of my guys friends are okay with it if not un-phased  by it. I admire all of your confidence and determination to live who you feel you truly are!

[Wendy C]

Thats interesting . my experience has been that more females have accepted my transition than males, although there have been detractors on both sides. So many variables, locations, age and such, one never knows who will be supportive and who will not. And lol, the determination to live this way really came down to the GID and the mental and emotional effects of trying to live in the wrong gender. Again, Lindsay, so glad you are here. Hugs

Wendy

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Lindsay,   

Welcome to our little family. Over 1660 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another member.   

And I am with Wendy.  Most, if not all, the girls I work with accept me as one of their own.  The guys for the most part are respectful.  As guys are with women.  There are a few that ether have nothing to do with me or totally are disrespectful of my wishes for proper pronouns or the use of my new name.  If it continues or becomes a problem, i will have to go to my HR manager and they will be told to shape up or ship out.  My employer is 110% behind me.

Janet

[Annwyn]

Yeah, things generally work out like that.  Not only do employers WANT the best for their hard working employees, they also want to be seen as a work place where anyone can be; that's been a major goal in the business world since dear Mr. King started to set things right before my time.
Oh yeah, and if that's not good enough motivation the prospect of being sued and publicly humiliated on CNN is>.>

Best thing to do is to find a larger company and stick with them as you're getting ready to transition.  A company well known for keeping it's employees, like CVS or US Post Office, places like that who value experienced employees over new hires.