is crossdressing a need that has to be fulfilled ?

[Julie Marie]

is crossdressing supposed to be fun and exciting or is it a need that has to be fulfilled?

Yes, now go and enjoy it.

Julie

[dominique1]

Julie,you'r so to the point.
Thanks Dominique.

[Genevieve Swann]

Chrysalis, Gorski's abstenance phenomenon may apply also. Gorski was another strange psychologist. He basically dealt with addictions and habits. The theory is, if think I am then I must be. Abstenance may make the urge grow stronger as a result. So if I repeat the past it will be more often. Sort of like making up for lost time. Hopefully that is true with crossdressing. So for everyday I don't do it I'll have to dress for two days to make up for lost time. Instead of doubling the time I could square it. e.i. 7 days off 49 days on. 30 days off would turn into about 2.5 years. This thought has me intrigued.

[Soapyshoe]

Ashling, A therapist told me once that most people have basic needs: Food, water, shelter and validation.

I like to use the word, "congruence", which has the same connotation as validation.  To me, it means we need to live a life where our internal reality matches up with our external reality. 

Crossdressing is one of those sticky issues, because certain parts of the internal reality can be created when the external reality is sending the wrong signals.

Shame, humiliation, and embarassment are among the most powerful emotions we experience.  I think the trick is not to ask whether crossdressing is a need, but whether you can get past the stigma and actually enjoy it, as Julie wisely suggests.


P.S. I was compelled to crossdress throughout my life to validate my feelings.  Once I came to accept them (very recently), crossdressing is no longer so much a need (compulsion), as it is a goal or desired outcome.  (Come to think of it, I don't consider what I do to be crossdressing any longer). 

It's like the difference between feeling you HAVE to clean your room, and just enjoying being a person who naturally keeps their room clean. 


P.S.S. Who gives a ->-bleeped-<- what theoretical psychologists think, it's all armchair philsophizing meant to create endless debate.  Having the strength to live your life the way you want is a noble trait.

[dominique1]

Ashling,that was very enlighteninig.People in this forum know so much, the amount of knowledge here is incredible.
Dominique

[Bethany W]

I dunno. I still feel regret/disgust after I do it sometimes. I still no matter how hard I try to stop feel the need to do it again.
I think it's kind of an addiction, like cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or sex and the more you think about it the more you want to do it.

[noleen111]

Well then if crossdressing is an addiction, then I am definitively addicted. :-)

I love it and dont intend stopping anytime soon.

[Vicky]

As a person who has had to come to terms with a real addiction to alcohol and prescription drugs, I can tell you that TG is not similar, THANKFULLY.  But---one statement from the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book that did get me thinking hard for a few hours though was where it says "no one likes to think they are different from their fellow man...." meaning that we have a medical issue that does make us different from people who CAN drink alcohol and take drugs without becoming addicted.  Some of my drinking was because I knew I was different from other real men, and this was a way to deal with it.  As TG, we ARE different, and also have medical differences from the cissexual's.  Bottom line though is accept your differences and learn to make them a happy, productive part of your life!! 

I do not however advocate a 12 step program for recovering CrossDressers.  Somebody did once!!  I'm still in shock and horror.  I can do without alcohol, but not without lipstick.  (Guess where my booze money is going today!!)

[MarySue]

I do not however advocate a 12 step program for recovering CrossDressers.  Somebody did once!!  I'm still in shock and horror.

A 12-step program would never work for crossdressers.

We'd need at least an 18-step program. We have to take smaller steps in nose-bleed stilettos. Duh! 

Seriously, though, I echo Bethany's comments about feeling regret/disgust afterwards, and feeling that I should stop, but I can't. So in that sense, it's like an addiction.

However, as long as I keep it under control -- that is, as long as I don't blow my rent money on Prada, and I don't do dangerous crap like going to bars and picking up guys -- then what's the harm? That's how the "CD addiction" differs from booze/cigarettes/drugs/gambling/whatever.

And yes, I that's what I tell myself. I'm not hurting myself or anyone else (I'm not married or otherwise attached), so what's the problem? Sometimes that works. More often, though, it doesn't. Not completely, anyway. And when I have stressors in my life (eg, the recent death of a cat), the guilt/disgust/regret/shame comes out in full force and bites me in the ass.

[daisybelle]

When dressedto the nines like the picture below....   I did not feel guilty before during or after.  It just felt right. 





Anyone else feel that way.  I know I need to express myself in this way,  but if it is only one day in 365 then I want to do it 100% that day.   I think I hit 99% after the makeover.  I just need to work on my voice.

Daisy 

[Soapyshoe]

A 12-step program would never work for crossdressers.

We'd need at least an 18-step program. We have to take smaller steps in nose-bleed stilettos. Duh! 

Seriously, though, I echo Bethany's comments about feeling regret/disgust afterwards, and feeling that I should stop, but I can't. So in that sense, it's like an addiction.

However, as long as I keep it under control -- that is, as long as I don't blow my rent money on Prada, and I don't do dangerous crap like going to bars and picking up guys -- then what's the harm? That's how the "CD addiction" differs from booze/cigarettes/drugs/gambling/whatever.

And yes, I that's what I tell myself. I'm not hurting myself or anyone else (I'm not married or otherwise attached), so what's the problem? Sometimes that works. More often, though, it doesn't. Not completely, anyway. And when I have stressors in my life (eg, the recent death of a cat), the guilt/disgust/regret/shame comes out in full force and bites me in the ass.

I'm really starting to dislike the term "addiction", as it gets MASSIVELY over-used.

For example, people are bemoaning "online gaming addiction" as people play Second Life and World of Warcraft.  In reality, people need to take their minds off their real-life worries.  The economy is going to hell, and nobody wants to spend 10 hours a day thinking about it, so they go into another world and have some fun for long periods of time.

People spend long periods of time watching TV.  They also socialize with friends, and do a million other things.

Addiction is ONLY a problem when a person loses the ability to function and be self-sustaining.  I can't see how crossdressing could possibly fulfill this criteria, as you could just wear the clothing you want and get on with your life.  It's not like alcohol, where you can literally drink so much that it ruins your physical and psychological health.

[daisybelle]

For example, people are bemoaning "online gaming addiction" as people play Second Life and World of Warcraft.  In reality, people need to take their minds off their real-life worries.  The economy is going to hell, and nobody wants to spend 10 hours a day thinking about it, so they go into another world and have some fun for long periods of time.

Funny you say it that way ( i.e. the Reallife worries).  I quit playing World of Warcraft after playing for about 8 months as I was pissed the new release was screwing the economy. So I checked out of that world... weird.

Do not worry -- no plan to check out of this one.

Daisy

[DragonGirl]

My take is, if it needs to be secretive then that means something is "wrong" whether it is with society or our perception which is moulded by society. Just using this view that can lead to guilt because if it needs to be hidden then it must be wrong. If one can just enjoy without ramification the the need for guilt is nullified. Just my 2 cents. DG

[kelliboots]

This isn't an addiction for me, I have had these feelings to long.  I think it definitely makes me feel more complete and at ease with the world.  Life is to short to hide everything from yourself.