Help!!!! i think my best freind is wanting to m2f transition

[klampner1961]

My best freind in the whole world and means the world to me and he knows it. some months back i found some things on computer after he had used it,that alarmed me. he had been looking at m2f web sites and such. at first i thought he may be into she-males. well then not long after that i ran accross some pills that i think he has been taking. it turned out to be spirotone and estrogine. i have notice some changes in his apperence and after comparing some old photos to new ones i can see the changes even more. i've done some reashearch on the pills and some of the side effects seem to make sense. anyway how do i talk to him about this ? i really care about him and want to let him know i'm there for him in every way. the last thing i want to do is out him or even worse scare him away.

[vanna]

Others will come here and help you much more than i possibly could but hunny, you sound like a wonderful friend...my hat off to you.

Just be supportive and patient waiting for her to emerge is all i can say.

[Nero]

well, I am not a significant other, but I am a transsexual, so I'll try to answer.

He (male pronouns since you used them in your post) is probably very nervous and scared right now of telling you. He is afraid of losing his best friend. Probably is terrified you'll reject him if he tells you.
Coming to him and letting him know you know should be a huge weight off his shoulders.
Maybe try to say something like 'I've noticed some things and wonder what's going on...' Or something. Give him an opening.
Remember that he may get defense at first.

I'm sure others here will have better advice than me. Good luck.

[klampner1961]

thank you for your response. i love this guy more than anything (kinda weird for me to say cause im pretty much str8, but there is just something about him that has me feeling like i do, as i have never felt this way about anyone) and it hurts me to think he may feel alone.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi klampner1961,   

Welcome to our little family. Over 1490 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another member.   

My advise is to may go rent 'Transamerica'.  You watch it first and then invite him over to watch "a movie".  Or if you are really that close, just ask.  But start it by saying that you are there for him and that you will try to understand.  By the way I am also MtF.  And I wish I had a great friend like you.

Janet

[mina.magpie]

Hi klampner,

There's a saying in trans circles that you only transition when you are willing to lose everything, 'cause you probably will. The reality is that most of us lose friends, family, careers, homes, everything, so it's a huge, huge leap to have to take to admit it to yourself, and worse yet, to come out to everybody. The fact that she's already on HRT means that she's dead serious, and is eventually going to come out, but it's scary as hell, believe me. She will need friends when she comes out, and I'm so glad for her that she has at least one.

Just be patient with her sweetie. Maybe broach the subject by discussing a trans character from TV or Katelynn from MTV's "Real Life". Give her an opening, and maybe she'll have the confidence to open up to you.

EDIT: LOL. I should read other people's posts before I make suggestions. Janet beat me to it!

Mina.

[TamTam]

i love this guy more than anything (kinda weird for me to say cause im pretty much str8, but there is just something about him that has me feeling like i do, as i have never felt this way about anyone)

Okay, assuming you're a guy here.. there's the possibility you're picking up on her actually being a woman in every way that counts.

Everyone else has said it.. bring up the subject gently, let her know you'd be perfectly okay with it but don't pressure her into telling you. She'll probably be really glad for your support, after the shock at being 'discovered' wears off.

[ftmshubbie]

My best freind in the whole world and means the world to me and he knows it. some months back i found some things on computer after he had used it,that alarmed me. he had been looking at m2f web sites and such. at first i thought he may be into she-males. well then not long after that i ran accross some pills that i think he has been taking. it turned out to be spirotone and estrogine. i have notice some changes in his apperence and after comparing some old photos to new ones i can see the changes even more. i've done some reashearch on the pills and some of the side effects seem to make sense. anyway how do i talk to him about this ? i really care about him and want to let him know i'm there for him in every way. the last thing i want to do is out him or even worse scare him away.

Klampner,

You've already gotten some good advice from others here. I'm married to a transperson and I'll observe that your claiming to be straight--heterosexual, I assume--and yet very attracted to your friend--I am inferring that your "love" might be a bit more than just friendship--is not surprising to me. You are responding to the person, not the gender. You may also be responding to "his" true feminine identity.

Trust the advice you've gotten here and your own instincts and find a way to let him know you can see, and appreciate, him as he (or she) is without regard to gender. If I were you, I'd be careful to not express much more than strong friendship and openness at this point. Your friend may be grappling with ambivalent feelings and uncertainty about the future. To muddy those waters at this point with expressions of love might be a bit much right now.

Be a committed friend and stand by him, and if "she" emerges over time, confidant in her new self expression, then you might also mention that your affection for her goes beyond the platonic.

Hang in there transpeople need friends like you!

Dan

[Jushi]

I don't know much to say about this other then.. well. You're a great person ^^ Good luck! I'm sure you'll make good decisions. Be sure to keep us informed of how things go! I know I'm quite interested!

[klampner1961]

i went to speak to my theropist about this, he also helps transgender people, his first advise was to let him come to me with it, but then knowing how it was tearing me up he suggested that i talk with my friend and well i broke down and had a talk with him today. i will say it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. it went as i thought it would he denied everything and had excuses. i didnt pressure things just told him if or when im here for him no matter what. i reasured him on how much i care about him and his happyiness and that i always will. i will say i do feel better him knowing i know something is up, at least i may be able to sleep a little better. you dont know how bad i felt feeling like i was snooping on him. guess i'll wait and see what happens now. thanks for all your feed back on this.

[postoplesbian]

thank you for your response. i love this guy more than anything (kinda weird for me to say cause im pretty much str8, but there is just something about him that has me feeling like i do, as i have never felt this way about anyone) and it hurts me to think he may feel alone.

ahhh   your friend might be a lesbian and not interested in you so be ready for that too That may be the reason they denied it because they don't want you hitting on them.

[iminadaze]

I could not help but ponder the thought that she could be a member here,
wouldn't that be something, it has happened before and just recently mind you.

well if she is not then perhaps a coveniently placed link may incline her to become
a member. Then she can read how you feel without the pressures of confrontation....
well with a little nudge on your part.

username with *susan.org left on a piece of paper by...um! accident may do the trick.
....just a thought

and also may I ask, would you be willing to express how you feel about her, face to face
with her, like you have expressed it to us, just as things are right now. Before you say yes
if that would be your answer

know that it is harder to do than to say because you have no idea how she will react
just as she has no idea how you will react to her opening up to you. see where i'm going with this.....?



  *hugs* Nicole

[Jessie_Heart]

is it possible that he isn't a TS and he is just somewhere on the spectrum between male and female and likes the idea of feminizing his body with no real interest in full transisition?

[klampner1961]

Jessie, i think you may have something. i did speak to him about this and he denied all of it. i feel now that it has harmed our relationship. as much as it hurts i'm gonna hang in there and see what happens.

[Jay]

Jessie, i think you may have something. i did speak to him about this and he denied all of it. i feel now that it has harmed our relationship. as much as it hurts i'm gonna hang in there and see what happens.

That is the best thing to do, wait until he is ready to talk to you about it. As he might not have accepted it as yet, and he wont want to dive in head first with out being sure himself.

[TamTam]

::nods::

There's no sense in pressuring someone to 'admit' to something that might not even be true. It's all on his own time now, you've done what you can and now just be his friend like normal.  If it's true, then he'll tell you when he's ready.. and if it's not, then nothing's been lost.