Quote from: Summerfall on October 19, 2010, 09:59:21 PM
I sympathize very much with your position and having to deal with the German standards of "care". When I lived in Germany I saw a psychotherapist about being transgendered, and I was very eager to begin treatments. It was there that I learned that it would require the year long test, and that in his opinion, it was usually the individuals who are eager and want to start quickly that do not do well in the end. Well of course they wouldn't appear to do well in such a system. They would fall in one of the other categories that you described.
Sorry for you having had to deal with the German SoC. They're a pain in the a**. Did the sadistic "->-bleeped-<- test" year make you shun away from transition, or was it something else?
And I agree with you, the German system is awful for impatient transitioners. Well, in general, I think it is always good not to rush through with life-changing decisions such as marriage, emigration, transition etc. But people are individuals, and in some cases, quick changes are the right choice. And I think it's cruel to force them to go full time for one year (or be it just half a year) without giving hormones, and utterly stupid from the shrinks to conflate a "->-bleeped-<- test" with the "gender role in the target gender" diagnostic and use the outcomes of that test for deciding on whether or not to give hormones. This is where the impatient and honest ones tend to get trapped in the German system. Your real life test does not work well but you don't give up and still want hormones? Just add another year of living like that and try to convince the shrink afterwards that things are fine now (but not too fine, you still need to suffer but not too much) and hope that you get the indication then.
Quote from: Summerfall on October 19, 2010, 09:59:21 PMBut here I am, quite some years later, with all the same desires, and doing very well by transitioning at a more reasonable pace. I regret that I hit that roadbump and couldn't find quality care, something which contributed to a loss of valuable time for my transition.
Nice to hear that you're getting well now, and sad to hear that you lost years due to the stupid German system. May I ask what the reasonable pace looks like in your case?
In my case, it delayed transition for several years. I thought I could not lie my way through or endure one year of living in a "->-bleeped-<- test" farce situation, and only years later found out by talking to some transsexual SoC "cheaters" what tricks to apply. This is when I decided that transitioning could be safe enough for me in spite of our Standards of "Care".
In short, go to a therapist in a different city so he doesn't catch you in "wrong" clothes by accident, change clothes and apply make-up and jewellery in a parking lot if you go there from work, don't go to the shrink in unisex clothes as this might indicate you don't really do the real life test but lie, go part-time, keep work life and private life separate, only tell him about your real life experience in your private life, prepare bogus stories of your "->-bleeped-<- test" experiences at work in case he asks you about it and don't go into detail there on your own. Don't tell him you started epilation, keep away from transsexual "sheep" who go to the same shrink and hardly tell anyone in the trans community that you cheat on the "->-bleeped-<- test" if at all, so word doesn't spread and these "sheep" wont tell him (usually these folks are very self-absorbed anyway, but you never know). Choose a shrink who is strict with the SoC but easy to trick and doesn't ask much about the "->-bleeped-<- test". Feed the shrink's needs to gain his trust (he wants to be helpful, so you gotta tell him some of your problems and make him feel useful there. Plus having an "urgent" or "important" problem at each meeting, at least you do something which is remotely like the obligatory psychotherapy, kill time, and it also helps distracting him from asking you details about the "->-bleeped-<- test").
Plus, if you don't want a too long delay for hormones, as one year + waiting list time is a lot of time already, you don't want to get your wish delayed or even rejected by the first therapist and have to go to the next one. So... get lots of information and auto-diagnose yourself thoroughly to not do the biggest mistake of your life, learn both childhood and adulthood ICD-10 GID criteria and differential diagnoses to fit into that scheme towards your doc and to hopefully be labelled primary and not secondary transsexual, but apart from this, the "->-bleeped-<- test" and "illegal" hormone use/epilation, be honest. Take time with transition, don't show the therapist if you're too unstable as he might refuse you hormones/op's - but delay them if you think on your own that it might not be a good moment to start that. In other words: be your own therapist, be careful and responsible, and try to reduce the paternalization and to keep in control of the situation and planning as much as you can.
Yeah, I'm one of those "type 3" folks; some of us rush through, others of us are even much more careful and slow in their transition than the German SoC requests. It's just that we don't follow the exact prescribed order and time schedules but want to decide for ourselves how we transition, so we have to lie. Needless to say, some of us do very well, others would really need a therapy after the whole procedure to recover from the obligatory therapy as this double life and lying under pressure is also kinda traumatizing but less than an imposed "->-bleeped-<- test". But many of us have developed such a strong hate/mistrust/contempt/phobia of therapists in this paternalizing and ivory-tower gatekeeper system that we won't ever do therapy again, no matter how we might need this in the future.