Fears

[Maebh]

[I don't mean to seem like I'm pushing you one way or the other, just sayin' I can relate to your fears, and this is how I've dealt with them.

The thing is, we can get caught up in trying to avoid what we fear... or we can address the fears themselves, directly. You can chase being 100% passable and 100% sane to satisfy those fears (though there will alway be more)... or you can try to work THROUGH those fears and move beyond them.

Transition needs and creates a CONTEXT SHIFT like nothing else in our lives. The YOU you are now... the one with all these very valid fears... can CHANGE. And that new person may not have the same fears at all.

But taking that chance... rolling those dice... yea, I know. I KNOW...

~Kate~

Dear, dear Kate...

Thanks for bringing back the "I" into that thread and moving it away from sweeping general statements. Thanks too for sharing so candidly your own experience and how YOU dealt with these fears. It is a breath of fresh air, rooted into a reality we can all relate to one way or an other. I, and I am sure other, can hear better what you have to say without feeling threatened, attacked or misunderstood.

If what I said did sound like "though love" born of frustration I am sorry about it, it was never meant that way, it was just an analogy that I find very helpfull for myself when I am at risk of falling back into the powerlessness of the victim syndrome. I too have battled with depression and I still battle with it, but I have learned that:

- I am not mad fot and alone to feel that way
- It is only a transitory frame of mind
- Ignoring it won't make it go away, aknowledging it and allowing myself to feel and share the feeling helps to lifts the weight of it.
- I can choose to let it control and paralyse me or contradict it by paying attention to the positive in my life.
- The more I practice pulling myself out of it the easier it gets.
- I might never be completly free  of it, but by now we are more like old sparing partners with a hefty respect for each other and a well rehearsed routine.

Anyway these are only MY TRUTHS based on MY OWN EXPERIENCE, They work for me but they might not be universal and I am allways ready to hear from others.

Hope, Love, Light & Respect

Maebh

[Lisbeth]

If you were certain you would never pass, would you still transition?

If you were certain you would never be accepted would you still transition?

If you were certain people would still see you as your birth gender even though they may hide their reaction, would you still transition?

If you thought Gender Dysphoria were entirely mental, would you still transition?

If you thought Gender Dysphoria were entirely physical, would you still transition?

If you were certain that you would never find love and no one would want to be with you would you still transition?

If you were certain that you would never find anyone to love who loves you, and were certain that you would never be accepted or pass, is it a viable decision to just 'live with it' and be miserable. 

I went ahead and transitioned assuming any and all of those would be true.

[Lianne]

YES! to all of the above. First and formost, if you truly know you are a women in the wrong body. Then everything else will take a back seat, till you can bring your body and mind as one. Stealth, love, etc. Would never complete me, and make me whole, without SRS.

Posted on: August 25, 2007, 01:04:29 PMExcept suicide...I'm sorry I forgot about that one. I don't think anyone should feel such despair that they would entertain the idea of suicide. Life is a gift no matter what. Find the strength and the will to be who you are. I believe there is a path or a reason for all of us. We were put here for a reason, I don't believe it should be suffering. There is a rainbow for all of us.

[Maebh]

If you were certain you would never pass, would you still transition?

If you were certain you would never be accepted would you still transition?

If you were certain people would still see you as your birth gender even though they may hide their reaction, would you still transition?

If you thought Gender Dysphoria were entirely mental, would you still transition?

If you thought Gender Dysphoria were entirely physical, would you still transition?

If you were certain that you would never find love and no one would want to be with you would you still transition?

If you were certain that you would never find anyone to love who loves you, and were certain that you would never be accepted or pass, is it a viable decision to just 'live with it' and be miserable. 

I went ahead and transitioned assuming any and all of those would be true.

Hear! Hear! That's the spirit Lisbeth!   
I knew I always liked and respected you very much. I know why now. You're a gem and an inspiration. 

Love, Light and Respect

Maebh

[melissa90299]

When I began HRT, it wasn't a choice, I had the luck to have found a great therapist, I was pretty rough at first, I never knew if I would even come close to passing. Now less than four years later, even with big hands, chest and shoulders, I pass 100% (based on how those on this forum define it) Even those who I have disclosed to treat me 100% as a woman and seem to admire me even more.

It really is astounding to me that it turned out this well. And outwardly, it is only going to get better, I notice that my hair is getting thicker just a month after cutting off the Testosterone completely. This all may sound egotistical but I am just stating facts, if I can do it anyone can.

Life is far better than I ever thought it would be. Yesterday, I had brunch with a bunch of people I met on a political forum. I found myself having to make a lot of stuff up about my past as I decided to stay stealth. What a pain. Of course, I won't be seeing these people in person for awhile again...but now I have to remember what I told them. I am really re-evaluating the wisdom of being stealth with some people and not with others. Maybe others can pull this off, personally, I wonder if it's worth it as people don't think more or less of you either way.

BTW I won't be responding directly to anything anyone says on these threads, if you wish to have a discussion directly PM me or you can even telephone me (that goes for everyone on this forum)

[Lacey Lynne]

IMHO, the only real way to put these questions to rest is to transition and find out.

Yea, I know. Bit of a tragic catch-22 there, huh? But seriously, you can ponder and wonder and fear until you're 120, but you'll never KNOW until you try.

But how do you find the courage to move forward in spite of the doubts? I guess it's different for everyone. In my case, it was finally realizing that I was running out of time, and unless I DID something about all this, I would never, ever live a single day as a female. For 42 years I put it off thinking, "someday, somehow..." and hitting middle-age made me realize I was being really stupid and wasting my life away in daydreams and wishing.

I also realized that no matter how hard we tried, my marriage was never going to be what we tried to FORCE it into being. No amount of effort or workarounds would make me a guy, either to myself OR my wife. We were just both exhausted and miserable of trying to find SOME way to make it all work as a normal, heterosexual couple.

So it was time to grow up, face facts, and try to FIX things as best I could. Yes, that meant creating new damage and hurt in the short term, but that's BETTER to me than spending another 30 years making myself and my wife miserable. It was time to accept WHAT IS and drop the delusion of WHAT WE WANT IT TO BE.

~Kate~

This is right on the mark, Katie.  This is exactly where I'm at now.  You've obviously "been there and done that," and, you're right ... It is not worth it!  I'm now 53, in the situation you describe, and am darned tired of it.  It's Now or Never Time for me ... at this age. 

I'm nearly certain that I'm going to go for it.  Only finances really stand in the way.  Thanks for your encouragement by means of your post which I've quoted here. 

Hugs!