What Do I Talk About

[stephanie_craxford]

A topic was posted previously with a link to a document that deals with to how to treat a transsexual.  I've found my first use for it.

One of my male friends and his wife will be coming over for a BBQ on Friday night.  They both know about me, and while she is quite alright with the situation he is a little nervous about meeting me.

We told his wife that he didn't have to come if it made him uncomfortable, as there is no way that I want to pressure or drive people away, especially friends.  His wife said no, he really wants to come but he's nervous about what to talk about, and he wanted to know if he could still talk about tractors.   

He is so sweet,  of course I told him he can talk about anything he wants, even power tools.   

Steph

[Maura Hartman]

He is so sweet,  of course I told him he can talk about anything he wants, even power tools.   

Steph

Surely he'll be thinking power tools in an entirely different context than you will be Steph   

[Sheila]

When I have had a friend over, with wife, we usually start talking about male things then it sort of changes to more androgynous things, like gardening and doing things around the house. I think that it changes to the more fem. subjects. It just happens with me. It could be different for you. Then again I have never liked motors and tools, only what you can make with them.
Sheila

[Kendall]

Friends still like to see the real me , even the part that has been there for ever, in conversation and interaction. Shows that you are still you, just more real now (that comes out in how you smile).  Hehe that is funny about power tools 

[tiffani66]

Whenever you are talking with someone who may be nervous about your lifestyle, be polite with them, but also take the time to be yourself. 

You have not changed in your heart, just the outer covering has changed to reveal the real you. 

Let him have whatever amount of time that he needs to adjust to the new you; as long as you are honest and respectful to him, he will take time to consider everything that you have said. 

If your intuition is working properly, you will know when the right time has come to be able to discuss the changes in your life in a more open manner.

I"m hoping that the evening was a success.  Good luck to you, Stephanie.

Tiffani

[Terri-Gene]

Personally I find that what to talk about really hasn't changed all that much.  There are things I talk about now that I never really did before, but I'll still talk about almost ever thing I ever would back when.  New and old friends get used to that real quick.  Yes, they sometimes seem a little uneasy about discussing some subjects with me around, but I just dive in with them and after a while we are laughing and jokeing or explaining things to each other, just like I was one of the guys and I really don't mind when they tell me that they consider me as such, other then to tell them that I can stand almost anything as long as it washes or cuts off.

Terri

[Maura Hartman]

I have Vietnam PTSD issues as well as GID and have been involved in a veteran's support group. They all like me just fine even though I show up looking extremely female most of the time. I've gotten comments and strange looks from a few, but eventually they have all chilled out as we deal with PTSD issues. A few have taken to calling me to meet for coffee, hang out and just be buds, so it's rather reassuring to be valued and liked for who you really are rather than disliked for abvious cross-gender proclivities. I always approach men with an outgoing, perky demeanor rather than a challanging look and find that it quickly disarms them from any animosity and fear that they might initially feel.

[stephanie_craxford]

All very good points.

In fact the get-together I first posted about at the top of this thread went very well, he was gracious and asked lots of questions about me and my transition, and other things of course, including tractors .  We all had a great time (maybe it was the wine  ) but seriously I couldn't have asked for better friends.  At the end of the evening his wife gave me a hug and when I tried to shake his had to thank him, he said no way, I want a hug too.  So we hugged for quite a while and when I thanked him and her for the day, they both said, "hey, you are still the same person to us"  and that's what counts to us.

Steph

[Maura Hartman]

Kudo's Steph!!!
       Sounds like a couple of wonderful friends to have! Seems like you did a fine job of disarming all fears and concerns.......Maura

[beth]

that's so great steph, all of your positive experiences give me lots of hope.








beth

[Lucy]

I was just digging through old posts and thorght that I would bring this one back into the open, Talking to old friends people that new you befor transition or people that are worried out offending you. Have any of you have new stories that would benifit the group to talk about.

Sorry Steph for bringing this back.