how do i tell her?

[Asianelle]

Now that i have come to terms and accepted the fact that being a trans/cd is a part of who i am, how do i tell my existing present girlfriend that this is what i do?  I like this other side of me, but wil she? i have no idea how to tell her or what to do that may soften the message so she doesn't freak out after i tell her.  i need some ideas on how to go about this and the best one or combination of best ones i will put into practice

[taylor]

Asiana,

One suggested that I make to people, is to bring the subject up in reference to something out side of your own personal experiences.
For instancea movie, or a show or something inthe news, a book, etc. and get a feel on her take of things. And her initial reaction might be a bit off, but go another step and say, well what if it were like this...________  give an example that would explain a bit about the whole thing...get her thinking ya know?  And as you feel things out share some with us, and more suggestions can be possibly made for you to consider. The first thing is to get a clue on how she responds to the initial things.

Well this is just my idea, I do hope this all goes well for you!

Peace,

Taylor

[cindianna_jones]

Here's how:

"Anne, I care for you very much.  I respect you and I want to be honest with you.
Before we go any farther, I need to tell you that I am a <fill in the blank>."

Keep it short and simple and tell her immediately.  It is never wise to let these things
fester.

Cindi

[Kendall]

She will probably ask tons of questions about what it means. So after you mention that you are, she might start asking why. I found that when you first tell someone is the biggest time that people are open to hear. Later they become less open having filled in the blank about what they think with their own answers. And sometimes dont want to hear more. So have the most important answers first.

[LostInTime]

Do not act ashamed of this.  If you do, you may put some heavy negativity into it and that may sabotage the relationship later on.  Be serious but not down on yourself for this.

Good luck.

[Louise]

Telling my wife that I am a crossdresser was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I also have never regretted telling her.

My advice is to be honest, be direct, and be sympathetic to her feelings.  Her initial reaction may be anything from surprise to laughter to silent rejection.  Do not judge her by that initial reaction.  Wait until she has some time to think about what you have told her.  If she doesn't say anything for a few days, just let her ponder it for herself.  After a few days you could ask her how she feels about what you told her.  Feelings on this matter are more important than bare information.  Information is important, particularly correcting false beliefs, but feelings are everything.  Women are generally very good at reading the emotional clues of others; men (including most crossdressers) are not as good at this.  Develop a greater sensitivity to your girlfriend's feelings and your relationship can really develop.

Just a little sisterly advice.

[tinkerbell]

Okay a lot of reading boys and girls....Although I agree with most people here on the fact that  telling your wife or SO must be done honestly and directly....when the moment of truth arrives, the words don't seem to flow easily; besides reading a few articles and sharing others' stories could also be beneficial for our own situation.  So here it is:

http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/wobs/howtellpartner.html


tinkerbell

[Chaunte]

Here's how:

"Anne, I care for you very much.  I respect you and I want to be honest with you.
Before we go any farther, I need to tell you that I am a <fill in the blank>."

Keep it short and simple and tell her immediately.  It is never wise to let these things
fester.

Cindi

I agree in the strongest possible terms.  Learn from my error and tell her ASAP.

Chaunte

[MTK]

One of the many reasons that my last marrage failed was in part due to my crossdressing.  When it came out it became a huge issue and is still to this day between me and my ex.

In my current relationship I was able to tell her about my dressing and it has been a long hard road for us.  She accepts it to a degree and we are working on understanding eachother in so many different ways.

It will not be easy but if your relationship is going to work you must be honest with her.  If you love and respect her then this is something that must be done.  I would even suggest letting her know how you feel about her before you share it and let her know that is why you are sharing it.

When I told my girlfriend I told her that what I was going to share with her is something that I know society and many individuals judge and do not understand.  I also said that I had never shared this with anyone else I had been involved with before.

I can not imagine not sharing it with her.  Relationships must be built on trust and respect.

My 2 cents
MTK