i'm losing it

[katy19]

I finally told my parents up front that i'm going to transition.  i tried to be as respectful and whatnot as possible.  As a result, my mom condemns me and tells me that i'm going against god whenever she enters the room.  I told my sister (who i thought would be supportive) and i could feel this whole cloud of disappointment fill the room.  Her voice dropped like 3 levels below her normal range and got really silent.  The only one from my family who is being supportive is my oldest sister, who lives out of state from us.  Being a people pleaser, its really hard to see people react like this, and i've been filled with this overwelming sense of pride and fearlessness, but with these reactions, i feel it withering away along with my confidence.  I know that i wanna transition more than anything, but i don't know if i can take this emotional stress.  Its really hard to bear the looks on their faces. 

[imaz]

Your Mum has no right to say you are going against God. If she understood her faith in the slightest she would know that only God can judge us.

Be strong and take care, (((Big Hug)))

[cindybc]

Hi Katy, unfortunately for the most part parents are the hardest to convince about our dilemma with the phenomena of trassexuality and how we feel inside and that there is no other way for us to go except transitioning. They would sooner hear that you are growing horns and a tail and you like to eat your meals with a pitch fork.

I have not had much success with family either so I would not be the best to give advice on the subject.  Even though I did do all I could to work it out with them they continued to turn their backs to me, disowned me. In the end I just had to move on and leave them behind and start my new life on my own.

I do not for one second feel bad or have any regrets that I transitioned, it was the only way open to me to survive. But as I grew and evolved into being my true self I found my journey to be one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had in my entire life. Most rewarding in heart, mind and soul.

Are you seeing a therapist? Have you arranged for a reunion with your parents and your therapist? Such a reunion could be instrumental in helping them get a perspective on GID from a professional. I am certain others will also have some helpful advice to share with you. hang in there hon, I will send prayers that all goes as it should for you.

Cindy

[Maya]

It's not easy taking the path of transition.  Don't forget to please yourself first, it's your life.  If you can't be true to yourself, how can you be true for anyone else?  I would recommend seeing a therapist to help sort out your feelings and to help with creating clarity/understanding in your life as you move forward.   The thing with family is that they have dreams, hopes, and expectations for you based on a lifetime of being in your life and now that is all thrown into disarray and confusion for them.  When you transition they transition with you in one way or another.  Sometimes it is positive but often it is negative.

Hang in there, Maya

[Julie Marie]

Too many of us have heard "you are making this choice", as if we have a better one.  And we do make a choice but we also make choices not to walk out into traffic, jump off tall cliffs or play Russian roulette. 

Your family has to realize your need to transition has nothing to do with them, they aren't at fault.  This is something that runs so deep within you it can't be changed.  You can fight it off for a while but all that will do is make you miserable and probably them too. 

They are pressuring you to do what pleases them.  You've already done this up to now.  You've given them what they want for many years to make them happy.  Can they return the favor?

Julie

[Lutin]

Don't forget to please yourself first, it's your life.  If you can't be true to yourself, how can you be true for anyone else? 

Absolutely. I'm sorry your family's taking it so badly, but the only person living your life should be you. People may share your life, but ultimately *you* are the centre of yourself, and shouldn't revolve around others. As painful and depressing as it all may get, never forget that, really, the only person who needs to be accepting and happy of/for you is you.

Hang in there, Katy. Never give in to others at the price of yourself, and remember, we're always here if you need us.

Will

[BunnyBee]

You're ahead of the curve to have confronted your feelings and to have come to know what you need at your age.  In time, you will probably find some of the people who are not supportive now will come around, but in the meantime you should try to find a counselor to help you deal with things.

I think you know deep down martyring your entire life and existence to please the whims and needs of others isn't going to work long-term.  Try not to let the God stuff get to you.  Many people use God as a means to control others, mainly because it works, which is what is happening here.

[katherine]

Hi Katy.  It's unfortunate that your family is reacting that way.  It makes transitioning more difficult and sometimes can cause us to reconsider.  Be true to yourself and know that you have support here.  My therapist once told me that I have to live my own life.  Like Julie said, you have lived your life pleasing your family.  Now it is time for you to live your own life, not the life they think you should live just because it fits more neatly into their own.  As was said, you cannot change who and what you are.  It takes a certain strength and courage to continue when family support isn't there, and your post suggests you have these qualities.
As Cindy suggested, if you don't have a therapist, now is a good time to look one up.  A therapist can do wonders to help you through this difficult time.  In the meantime, don't hesitate to seek support here.  That's what Susan's is all about.  Hugs.

[Miniar]

Family are the people who love you, accept you and stick by you. If your relatives can not do that for you, then that's their fault, not yours.