words or saying that people say that make you sad,mad,unhappy..etc...

[born2learn]

If you explain things to people how you feel and that you are so sure that you are that gender and they go and say things that make you feel it is wrong what they say... What would you do? what would you say??

For me I know and believe that I always and have been and will be a male. Some how I feel upset to hear someone say "your just a girl who want to be a guy." That like go to a M2F and say "oh your just a guy want to be a girl." To someone who know and believe they are a girl..
I dont think I'm a tomboy too..  I believe a tomboy is someone who like to act and behave like a guy but still enjoy being a gal. For transgender person wh from F2M and want a wife and have a gf shouldn't be label as lesbian.... That should be the same for M2F who want a husband and bf...they shouldn't be label as gay...
I believe that lesbian and gay enjoy being who they are and being with people their own gender..

Am I wrong about this? I'm sure there are a lot of saying or words that people say make everyone upset or just feel a bit down.

"Stick and stone may break my bone, but words will never hurt me." <== that is no longer the same anymore...

[wolfie]

With a similar experience to Auntie Tinkerbell, my happend with my mom.... many times. When I was 17 and just starting to pass (occassionally) it would mean the world to me when the clerk at the store would say "your son" or "him" to my mother quickly followed by her response of "that's my daughter, _______"(with the full version of my first name at that time... and it doesn't get any more feminine than the name they gave me!!!). Not only would it humiliate and degrade me, but the clerk would feel like an idiot and look quite embarassed and confused.

The statement that I get the most when I tell someone that I'm F2M (and that I continuely get from my family) is "well you just haven't tried living as female for long enough, you have to give it a chance".  You would think that 17 years would be long enough to "give it a chance"... why be tortured anymore?


     Tino

[Hazumu]

The statement that I get the most when I tell someone that I'm F2M (and that I continuely get from my family) is "well you just haven't tried living as female for long enough, you have to give it a chance".

Hi, Tino;

That statement above seems to me to be a power trip (theirs, not yours ).

I've pretty much figured out with friends and family that it's natural to make pronoun mistakes even years after transition -- after all, they knew you before, and the cult of gender in our society has a rule that states your gender until the day you die is whatever the doctor found in your crotch when you were born.  So if it's an honest mistake, I won't worry too much.

Actually, when I come out at work, I plan to have a fundraiser for the division booster club.  For each wrong pronoun, they owe a dollar to the booster fund, and for each use of my old name, they owe five (the funds are used for holiday parties/luncheons and such, so everybody benefits.)

But I've also heard the power-tripping at work.  The photographer in my shop took pictures at the retirement ceremony for the trans lady who used to work in our building.  I was looking at the raw shots on the computer screen and referred to her as 'she'... "HE!! THAT'S A 'HE'!!!" the photog shot back...

So I'm certain of the identity of at least one 'gender defender' where I work >sigh<

Karen

[wolfie]

I have this very unrealistic expectation that somehow when I look absolutely fully male with no questions asked that my family will all automatically refer to me with proper pronouns and my legal name!  Hey, a guy can dream.

I was looking at the raw shots on the computer screen and referred to her as 'she'... "HE!! THAT'S A 'HE'!!!" the photog shot back...

It constantly surprises me how ignorant and rude some people can truely be (although I don't know why since I've just about heard it all)!

"Gender Defender", ha, I like that Karen!


    Tino

[born2learn]

some part of our life we can look back and laugh about it. That would always make our days goes by faster and full of joy.
That's is an interesting things that you did Karen. Too bad, people at my place dont feel or do the same thing as your work place.
I remember when i talk on the phone and i have to give it to my mom. The lady over the phone told my mom your son say this and that.. My mom just laugh and say why didn't they say daughter???

[Luc]

What makes me angriest? When people call me "butch". It just doesn't seem to be in their realm of possibility that I could be FtM... no, I must be a butch lesbian, because FtMs aren't real, or are just sick, or whatever. I've known plenty of butch lesbians in my time, and while most of them are cool people, it's all just posturing. It's all just about them trying to be cool and attract more feminine women by dressing male, even though they identify just fine with their female bodies and identities.

The worst thing is that my best friend calls me butch all the time... maybe it's time I just got up the guts to go ahead and tell her I'm TS.

Rafe

[stephanie_craxford]

The union shop steward for the drivers at my work keeps calling me sir, he never seems to learn.  I've corrected the old fool I don't know how many times.  Now when he does it I simply ignore him.  He gets the hint and will call out my name to get my attention.  Talk about not being able to teach old dogs new tricks.

Steph

[Jessica]

I think the thing that was said that hurt me the most is, "You're possessed by Demons."  I'm not sure if that statement is what hurt the most, or if it was because it came from my wife. Then, when I asked her why she didn't think that when we were dating, she said, "We'll I didn't think you were honestly *really* serious about it."

I guess those two things together hurt pretty bad.
The first person, and one of the most important people in my life, I told didn't take me at all seriously until I was suicidally depressed and in therapy, and then to top it all off, since I was serious, obviously I am possessed by demons.

[born2learn]

Yeah that would hurt coming from the one you love. I'm sure she wouldn't mean it. Maybe she just angry and wasn't sure what to say.
There been time I don't know what to say or do too. a girl say she love me and she leaving. I just stand there and didn't know what to say the wrong things. I say to her "ok, where you going? take care.. bye"
Now i look at it.. I feel so bad and feel cold hearted.

[Luc]

Yeah, I love it when they do that. "I love you, but I can't be with you." I heard that one from a girl I really loved, and I couldn't say anything. Maybe that's just a typical reaction. For me, it was shock that kept me from saying anything, and the fear that I might just make things worse.

Rafe

[Leigh]

For me it depends on the context and who says it.

Within my family (Leather) I get male pronouns used all the time.  I buy most of my clothes in the  mens section and cosmetics exist only for work.  To my Leather father (a woman) who adopted me I am "his' daughter.

In the larger community I have been called sir in deference to the way I present as a top.  Its all in how the word is intended.

With the general public its the natal men who are drain bramaged.  I just walk away and think "idiot."  Its the women and kids who get it right 98% of the time.  About the only time I get all wadded up is when someone is totally rude. 

Leigh



Leigh

[MarcosGirl]

The thing that bugs me the most that my family says (since I am with an FtM transsexual) is:

         "She's a woman, she'll always be a woman, God gave her the ability to have kids...that makes
           you a lesbian".

I feel such a sense of disrespect towards Marco when they say these things, because it comes from total ignorance and a lack of understanding towards ->-bleeped-<-.  I love Marco very much and it hurts me when people try to hurt him.

Unfortunately these are the messages my kids get bombarded with day in and day out.  They know that they will be ostracized by the family if they accept or even try to understand Marco's and my relationship.  That is the current reason for them not wanting to even see me.  I makes me very sad.

Pam 

[born2learn]

Pam,

   That's sad your family would say that. Please dont understand. People assume things. People dont understand things unless they are in the other person shoes.


Lot of people dont take me seriously. Cause I don't try to kill myself. I'm not that kind of person. I do find myself having to face people turn my world upside down. God been good to me. give me and keep me sane.  I believe in what goes around comes around. Most of the people that hurt me end up mess up themself.

[stephanie_craxford]

The thing that bugs me the most that my family says (since I am with an FtM transsexual) is:

         "She's a woman, she'll always be a woman, God gave her the ability to have kids...that makes
           you a lesbian".

I feel such a sense of disrespect towards Marco when they say these things, because it comes from total ignorance and a lack of understanding towards ->-bleeped-<-.  I love Marco very much and it hurts me when people try to hurt him.

Unfortunately these are the messages my kids get bombarded with day in and day out.  They know that they will be ostracized by the family if they accept or even try to understand Marco's and my relationship.  That is the current reason for them not wanting to even see me.  I makes me very sad.

Pam 

This really sucks Pam, and I'm not really sure on what you can do to counter this other than don't sink to levels of Marco's parents but at the same time continue to express you love for him and show the children that there is nothing wrong with your relationship as it is based on love and respect.  Hopefully the children will see this, will see how much you love each other, and how happy you are together and make the right decision, their own decisions.  Hopefully the children will tire of hearing this daily bombardment.

Steph

[Luc]

yeah, I really don't appreciate being called a lesbian either, when I'm not. However, I have nothing against them... one of my best friends is a lesbian. I just don't identify as such, and to be referred to as a lesbian reminds me that many people just think I'm a confused woman who idolizes men.

Rafe

[Gregori]

yeah, I really don't appreciate being called a lesbian either, when I'm not. However, I have nothing against them... one of my best friends is a lesbian. I just don't identify as such, and to be referred to as a lesbian reminds me that many people just think I'm a confused woman who idolizes men.

Rafe

I agree.

I cannot stand it if I am called "lesbian".  I am NOT a lesbian, godsdamned it.

It sends me into a downard spiral whenever I am addressed as "she", "ma'am", "miss", "her", "lady", etc.  I hate it so much that I avoid going into public places.

[Nero]

Words, sayings, I find offensive when applied to me:

Lesbian
Large woman
Aggressive woman
any reference to my genitals as "vagina" or "c***"
I prefer the terms "p****", "pie", or "box"
That's why I use slang on here when referring to it, I apologize if it's offensive, but I do NOT have a vagina.
I have a p****.

Nero

[sheila18]

If you explain things to people how you feel and that you are so sure that you are that gender and they go and say things that make you feel it is wrong what they say... What would you do? what would you say??
I believe that lesbian and gay enjoy being who they are and being with people their own gender..
Am I wrong about this? I'm sure there are a lot of saying or words that people say make everyone upset or just feel a bit down.

born2learn:
  If you explain things to people how you feel some may understand some may not.  I  wasted  time  making sure not to offend people, not to hurt their feelings, make sure that they understood, blah blah  There is a minimum effort that is femenine/gentlemanly, polite, human and part of common sense but beyond that is a waste of time.
Some people don't fully understand what they say, let alone what we tell them, look at politicians.   Even among transgendered people there are disagreements; just part of life.
I had to get down to brass tacks:  what do i need to do that matters in my life? What have i discovered to be true in my life? 
  Find your truth and run with it man, after a while youl'll look back and see people following you because you' re just running and looks like you know where youre going,  some will leave you and disagree because you got a following now ...my point is that you are a good person 4 considering others, chin up  & know that.  
sheila18

[born2learn]

Hey sheila,

   Thanks. Your right.. as long as i do what I needed and for me and no one else.. people would understand. Sometime i think it suck to be nice... I keep getting step on.. feel so suck just to be good at time. Sometime i feel good when i see the person I helped is living a better life cause of my help..

[Casey]

When I came out to my parents a few months ago I told them that I was transgendered but that I wasn't TS. (I hadn't started calling myself genderqueer yet.) I explained to them that probably the easiest way to explain my gender is that I'm a mix of male and female.

After my first session with my therapist I talked with my mother about how it went. Among other things I told her that he thought I might be androgynous. I made sure to stress that neither one of us took that as a diagnosis but I had found that intriguing. After explaining what androgyne really meant (as opposed to the misconception that androgynes present and act as neither male nor female) she asked, obviously wishing very hard that it was true, "So you're just a guy?" I mumbled something about not having talked about gender and let the conversation drop. Needless to say Mom hasn't heard how the second session went.