Results of a lie

[NicholeW.]

Does it strike anyone at all that this entire thing is a personal matter? Prolly best decided on by the person making the decision.

I can get pretty much all of the reasons for doing one or the other, but it seems to me that the "liar" meme depends on the attitude and reasoning of the person him or herself.

How many of us, people with transsexing histories, KNEW we were not exactly what others were telling us we were? What was the "lie" or was there one at all?

Everyone has an opinion, opinions being what they are.

There's a risk in practically every decision a person makes. Go with what you're comfortable with and don't be so concerned what the next person "might" do in the situation. Afterall, shouldn't we be living our lives in ways we are comfortable in ourselves rather than how the person down the street is comfortable in how we live?

What someone else thinks of my "truthfulness" isn't the issue. What I am comfortable with as to my "truthfulness" is.

Nichole

[Northern Jane]

...is not exactly an awesome track record for someone to be giving relationship advice, regardless of gender.

Fine, than disregard it. It matters not to me.

I admit the first one was a poor choice (talked a good line but too lazy to follow through on anything) but I was young and foolish.

The second one was pretty good for 12 years but ended with his "misappropriation of funds".

I have done a lot of living in the last 35 years. Two broken marriages isn't a stellar record but at least it's living.

[Luc]

I know neither how nor why someone would do something like that. I think what the ftm guy did is utterly reprehensible; what did he say when she asked about his childhood, his family? Did he just continually lie? Did he make up an entire life?

I value honesty above all else, personally. My wife and I met, actually, on susan's chat, so there was no mystery as to the fact we were both transgendered. However, I cannot even fathom lying to someone I supposedly loved, to that extent. Even with people I've known only a few weeks and am befriending, I feel a necessity to tell them I am trans, if only so that I don't have to worry about telling them stories from my childhood that are incongruent with my current state/gender. It makes me nervous when people don't know, like I'm going to let something slip and it'll be the end of everything. I'd far rather just get things out in the open from the beginning. If someone has a problem with me being trans, F them. They're not worth my time.

SD

[sneakersjay]

I'd far rather just get things out in the open from the beginning. If someone has a problem with me being trans, F them. They're not worth my time.

How do you bring it up?  Do you wait until you're about to say something about your childhood and reveal?  Hope your friends fill them in while you're taking a leak?  I have a hard time meeting  new people and then adding, oh, btw, I'm trans.  Because my trans status doesn't seem like it should matter much and I don't think of myself as trans.

Just  curious how others go about it.

Jay

[Scratchy Wilson]

I'm not planning on surgery so it would be some sort of whopper I'd have to come up with to explain my micropenis and bonus hole.  I just started dating someone; it's not serious and hasn't gotten past the hug stage, so I have not revealed anything.  If it looks promising I will disclose, only to be honest with someone I care about.  I would hope she wouldn't see me as anything other than male.

I can understand the desire not to disclose, as I'm finally pretty much where I want to be except for a bit more body hair, and just feel like a normal guy.  I tend to forget...except when it comes to intimacy.

Clothed I'm anatomically correct; naked I am not.  If I were MTF and post-op it would be a very difficult choice, esp. if I lived in an area where nobody knew me.

Jay

Good luck with that dude. Chances are, she may already know and be fine with it, but wants you to tell her before she's ready to enter into that next step. That's what happened with me and my girl. I remember when I told her she just threw her arms around me and said "finally!" And I'm sure you can guess what happened afterwards.  lol. But, it always feels great when you can disclose your status to the person you care about and they still accept you for who you are.

[BunnyBee]

This is a clear as mud gray area where either side can be argued convincingly, so I would say mostly it comes down to what each person feels is right.

There are some facts though that you just can't really get around.  The biggest one being- in our current cultural climate many people (if not most) would find it perfectly reasonable for somebody to react in horror to the news a partner, past or present, is trans.  As long as this is true, I think it's a little selfish and unfair to withhold this information from a partner, even though I understand as well as anybody a FTM was actually born male b/c they were born w/ a male brain.  I get it, it's just the world doesn't.  I think if you want the moral leeway to withhold this information, then you need to get out there an help change this perception.  Be visible, be normal, be kind to others .  These things will help. 

We could really use the equiv of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, how much good did that show do for the gay community? 

I understand the appeal of stealth, but it doesn't help the cause when the most normal and least "threatening" of our community disappear into the woodwork and the freaks who went on Springer are pretty much all we have left for a public face.  I see this slowly starting to change is the good news, but at this pace it will be generations before we are even accepted to the extent gays are today.

[Beyond]

Once, sure, twice?  At what point does it become a pattern rather than a few bad choices.

How about some context here?  Northern Jane transitioned in 1974.  1974!  She then was married twice in the next 35 years.  Two bad marriages in 35 years?  I think there are at least a couple million people that fall into that classification.  It's not rare or unusual at all.  You're being needlessly negative.