Cleanest Dirty Joke Ever

[Suzy]

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you're a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

[findingreason]

I thank you so much Kristi for that good laugh . I needed something funny to bring my spirits up

[mina.magpie]

>_< Hahaha.

Nasty.

Mina.

[Maebh]

Tree-Lovers surely will appreciate it even more.
LLL&R
Maebh

[Constance]

Exquisite! 

[Alyx.]

Hehehe...

[V M]

Brilliant 

[Susan]

What's better? 69 or 77? Answer: 77, you get 8 more...

Question: How many Crossdressers, does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: 2, 1 to change the bulb, and the other to take a picture.

Andy said, "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night! I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row." The psychiatrist replied, "Hold it, Andy. That doesn't sound so terrible." "Oh yeah?" said Andy, "In the dream, I was the third girl from the end."

The traveling salesman had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. "Well," replied the farmer. "The only spare bed we have is the bunkbed in my daughter's room. I suppose ya could stay there, but I don't want you tryin' anything with my daughter!" "Look," said the salesman, "I want you to know I'm a gentleman." "Well," grumbled the farmer, So was my daughter before that operation ...

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, BITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

Q: What's the difference between nude, naked, and nekkid? A: nude = don't got no clothes on. naked = don't got no clothes on and liking it. nekkid = don't got no clothes on and yer up to something.

[Cindy]

A totally true story.

I was driving through South Australia with my two closest friends; Paul who is from Israel and a part time student, and Raj a visting scholar from India. It was getting late and the car was playing up. SA is so big you don't want to be isolated when a car breaks down. I saw a track and drove 20-30km to the property. Property owners are usually OK with emergency stop overs. An old guy came to the door and questioned us. Sorry I've two beds, one of sleeps in the barn. OK. Paul and Raj know I.M TG and live female 24/7 365. Paul says l'l sleep in the barn. It's late; we all settle down. The door is banged on it's Paul. " Sorry, there is a pig in the barn I cannot sleep there." No problems says Raj and they swap. Ten minutes later the door is again banged on. "Sorry there is a cow in the barn, it's sacred I cannot sleep there". I grab my blanket, walk to the barn and look at the pig and the cow. "Goodnight I say" I climb into some hay.
Fall asleep. Ten minutes later there is a knock on the farm house door, the farmer opens it to find a pig and a cow!

Sorry, don't ban me. 

Cindy James