Hi!
I'm Lacey Lynne (will be my legal name upon fully transitioning), and I'm a classic, late-onset, MTF TS woman whose preference is for women, so I guess that makes me a lesbian. I love Susan's Place and am greatly fond of all of you. There is a true caring spirit here at Susan's Place, and I appreciate it very much. I've lurked for a little while. Anyway, ...
Gals, your thoughts, please, on this. Here are excerpts from my Coming-Out Letter written to my mother just today. Note that I am adopted. My birth mother is deceased, and I never knew her. My adopted mother (to whom this is addressed) is not well-educated and not the genius sort, so this letter is a little "low-tone" due to that.
Here are those Coming-Out Letter excerpts:
Third, as for me, I know that I was an exceedingly difficult child to raise and remained "strange, weird and abnormal" even in young adulthood and full adulthood. I DO NOT blame either Dad or you that my life has not worked out very well. It's NOT your fault! I don't blame myself either, Mom.
I was born with a few birth defects ... just like ___.
...
Over these many years, I've come to discover that I was born with yet another birth defect, and this is "The Big One" ... GID, as doctors call it, or gender-identity disorder. That DOES NOT mean that I'm gay. No. I AM NOT gay.
It does mean that my brain, quite literally and honest-to-God for real, is neurologically wired predominantly, if not nearly entirely, as a female brain. No kidding. Sounds ridiculous. It's not. This is a for-real birth defect, and about 1 in 30,000 babies is born with it, or so the experts say.
So, just what does this mean? Mom, it means the world. This really and truly explains why I've always had so very much trouble in my life ... from the time I was a little kid going into first grade and ever thereafter. Remember how I hated "rough and tumble play" like boys are supposed to love? Remember how you always said, "xxx is a lover, not a fighter." Remember how you and dad tried over the years to "make a man out of me?" Remember how other kids teased, bullied and harassed me without mercy saying things like, "Little pissy pants, fairy boy, prissy sissy" and on and on and on? Remember how I left The Marines and they couldn't figure out why?
Remember how I hated doing "man things" like handyman work, hunting, fishing, football and all of that? Remember how I dropped out of college because I actually and truly hated the math and all and was desperately trying to pretend that I liked it? Well, Mom, this explains it all. It really does. I've done lots and lots of research on this, and I'm sure that this is THE issue.
I'm NOT making any of this up, Mom. Why would I? I have no reason to.
I've attached a good explanation of this birth defect to this letter. If you want to, read it, please. I very much would like for you to read it ... all of it. Now, I'm NOT trying to hurt you, punish you or get back at you in any way by telling you all of this. So, why am I doing this? Because, we're getting old, Mom. Really, it truly is "Now or Never Time" for you and me. So, please, read this information. At long last, we'll get to really and truly know each other ... after all of these many years.
...
Finally, Mom, please, consider this:
* Did xxx and xxx or YOU hate, reject and spurn xxx because of his birth defect? No.
* Did xxx or YOU hate, reject and spurn xxx because he turned out to be gay? No. (By the way, xxx's gayness is also a biological birth defect. Scientists (neuropharmicological researchers) have proven this.
* Well, then, in the selfsame fashion, will YOU hate, reject and spurn me because of my birth defect? It's totally up to you to decide! What does your heart say to you? Go with that.
Please understand that I DID NOT CHOOSE to be this way. It's just horrendous. No sane person would ever wish such a condition upon themselves. How I wish I could just find a way to heal it and make it all go away. It's a birth defect, Mom, pure and simple. Who wants to have a birth defect? Nobody that's in their right mind, that's who.
PLEASE DON'T TELL ANY OF THIS TO ANYBODY ELSE! THIS IS ALL FOR YOUR EYES ONLY! I've had enough trouble, torment and torture throughout my entire lifetime. Surely, I do not need anymore. Please, keep this to yourself. Thank you very much!
Well, do I still have my Mom? If you never call me again or write to me again, then I'll know the answer. I've truly lost everybody who was ever important to me, so this would make it complete. I'll manage ... I always do .... somehow.
Love, Your Son (Daughter internally – NOT my fault),
XXX XXX XXX
12 February 2009
P.S.: I never meant to hurt you, but I guess I've hurt you a lot. Try to forgive me.
P.P.S.: Keep all of this to yourself, please. I appreciate it.
End of Excerpts.
Gals? Any of this sound familiar? Your true thoughts on this, please.
Thanking you in advance, Lacey Lynne
P.S.: A more cogent yet concise formal intro will follow soon. Hugs!
