YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK CROSSDRESSER IF...
- You wear a dress that's strapless and a bra that ain't.
- You wear combat boots with a minidress.
- You wear jeans with a belt buckle that's bigger than your fist.
- You have a Ford F150 pick-up truck, with a gun rack, a Dale Earnhardt license plate frame, and a Confederate flag on the tailgate, next to the bumper sticker that says "I sell Avon Skin-So-Soft."
- You try to wax your legs with Turtle Wax.
- You braid the hair that sticks through your fishnet stockings.
- Wear a black John Deere baseball cap with pearls.
- You use glitter to highlight your mustache.
- You wear tube tops with your mini, because it shows off your Harley-Davidson tattoo.
- Your favorite band ring came off a cigar.
- You keep spare ammo in your bra.
- You get a run in your stockings while changing a tire on your motorhome.
- Your purse is a toolbox.
- You pluck your eyebrows with a pair of needle nosed pliers.
- You store your lipsticks in a socket-wrench box.
- You use duct tape to keep your "tuck" in place.
- You call your vanity "your work bench."
- You use a pocketknife to sharpen your lip and eye liners.
- "Doing your nails" means sorting the ten-pennies from the sixteen-pennies.
- Your favorite leather skirt was made from the moose you shot last Fall.
- Your new sandals are made from truck tire re-treads your found on the road.
- You keep a spare lipstick in your toolbox.
- You wear a pair of C-clamps as screw-on earrings.
- Your best silver necklace is made from beer can pull-tabs.
- Your nail enamel is made by Rustoleum.
-. You use paint thinner to remove your makeup.
- Your moisturizer says "non-detergent SAE 10W30" on the container.
- You remove your leg hair with duct tape.
- Your earrings double as fishing lures.
- Your wig is mounted over the fireplace in your trophy room.
- Your favorite brand of perfume is "wd40".
- You aerate the lawn in your 4" T strap spikes.
- You keep your breast forms in the refrigerator during the summer to keep
cool.
- Your make up case is a tool box
- You use Duct tape to remove the hair from your back
- Yer lip stick matches yer Red Man chew
- You wear moon hubcaps for earrings on 50's night.
- You have a purse made from an armadillo.
- The "brag book" in your purse includes pictures of your coon dog.
- After replacing the battery clamp on your trolling motor you paint the positive one with red nail polish.
- You keep an eyebrow pencil in your tool pouch.
- You've ever used an ignition file to repair an earring.
- You have a Mary Kay bumper sticker on your boat trailer.
- You punctured the sewer hose of your RV in the dark with your 4" stillettos
