Hey guys and gals,
I'd like to share some of my thoughts on what predicts success during transition.
The word "transition" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. In common usage, it means that an individual stops living as their currently assigned gender/sex, and takes steps to live as the opposite one or a different one, with the goal of living a more fulfilling lifestyle (and/or to permanently eliminate negative emotions stemming from gender conflict).
While it's easy to define transition, I feel that almost everybody has a unique concept of what it means and what it entails. One ubiquitous problem is that our concept of transition is driven by a desire to change our outward appearance. When we use the Internet to seek out those who have successfully transitioned, we have difficulty assessing the INTERNAL changes that have occurred, and there is very little information about how to bring about those desired internal changes (aside from "go see a gender therapist").
Therefore, I believe that the single most powerful predictor of success during transition is an individual's ability to ADAPT. Synonyms for this are guile, craftiness, flexibility, and/or cleverness. It means that an individual is good at solving problems.
What factors predict whether an individual will be good at solving problems? I believe that previous life experiences unrealted to transitioning are the key.
Emotional intelligence is HUGE. Do you know what will and will not make you happy? Will you carry around psychological baggage that makes it difficult to accept yourself? Can you emotionally handle bringing your new self into a harsh, rejecting world?
Emotional intelligence is typically gained via therapy. Some transgender children display high levels of emotional intelligence when insist they aren't their assigned gender, despite anticipating a negative reaction from those around them. They know what will/won't make them happy, and they act on it. As adults, though, we often LOSE emotional intelligence because we bottle ourselves off emotionally, never talking with others how we feel. Therefore, the tools that we would otherwise have to tackle emotional problems have rusted. Creating and refining a set of tools to guide oneself through rough emotional time are absolutely critical to coming out of transition a happier, more successful person.
Another area of intelligence is what I call "analogical intelligence". These intelligences help one accurately answer the question, "What is it like to transition? What tools will I need to do it successfully?"
Here are some examples: 1) Transitioning is like acting (at first). A good actor can make another person genuinely believe what they are saying. 2) Moving like a female is a lot like ballet; ballerinas exemplify feminine grace. 3) Finding your female voice is a lot like playing an instrument; it takes years to master the technical skills, but once completed, allows an individual a completely new level of gender expression.
You can probably think of some other analogies I haven't included. Analogies carry out a simple function, namely, to apply knowledge from an unrelated domain to the domain of interest.
TG/TS children have less difficulty transitioning because childhood IS A TRANSITION. Children readily accept the fact that they don't know anything, and show a keen willingness to learn and grow. You never hear an adolescent say, "I just can't figure out how to speak like my assigned gender"...unless they're TG/TS.
The later in life a person gets, the more difficult transition will seem. I have personally accepted the fact that, if I choose to do HRT, I will have to go through a second puberty. I will have to re-learn everything that was automatically handed to everybody else. I DO NOT look at this as "work". Transitioning to my target gender is a blessing and a privilege that is afforded to me by modern society. When problems arise during transition (I know they will), I will do everything in my power to overcome them. In my opinion, it's ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL that one accepts the reality that years were lost, and that one must "regress" to some degree in order to achieve a successful transition. We must embody the best of what children have to offer: small egos, courage, an open mind, and willingness to make mistakes and learn from them.
Internet forums like this are a blessing, because those who have some kind of knowledge can share it with others. This empowers our community, and allows us to adapt to a world that has always treated us harshly when we were less-well-informed pre-Internet.
Those are my thoughts. What are yours?
