Mixed signals from my wife?

[mtfbuckeye]

I'm not sure what to think about where my wife stands about my desire to transition. On the one hand, she threw down the gauntlet and told me that she couldn't handle me starting HRT back around xmas. However, she outed me to her parents, and successfully urged me to come out to my own parents as transgendered. She's also said random things about not minding being with me as part of a lesbian couple, but that her big problem was with the "in-between" stages.

Also, at least before xmas, she seemed OK with the idea of me starting HRT as long as I wasn't going to immediately start living as a girl. She also told me once that if I transition, she'd want me to go all the way to SRS...

I'm not trying to be critical.. it's a very tough situation for her, I know. But she seems to be having a hard time deciding what SHE wants too...

Can anyone relate?

[vanna]

can relate yes, but mmm sounds like you guys are hitting or going to hit the sticky transition patch relationships get to once it is out.

perhaps you really need to sit down and talk with your wife as to what you really want and her wants and needs too, you seem a bit over the place in your posts hunny.

[Nero]

I am clear-headed about this: I want to start HRT. My wife knows this, but right now it's sort of a stalemate...

Are you though, sweetie? A few posts ago, you thought you might be androgyne.
Not that an androgyne can't have HRT, but...

[vanna]

for sure its just HRT will be a dealbreaker its not going to possibly decide for you which way its going, for the majority its what you do when your commited to permanent change. they will change you and some of those changes will not come back even if you stop.

i just mean its the implications on your marrage, its your marrage after all hunny i just speak from experience of the same situation.

[Nero]

Maybe I'm unclear on the proper definition of being an androgyne? I know that I want HRT for sure... I'm just not positive where I want to go beyond that... Does that make any sense?

well, an androgyne doesn't identify as female. however, of course there are some androgynes who take HRT and even have surgeries, but it's all in the name of being more gender neutral.
but doesn't really matter where you end up on the spectrum then, if you're sure you want HRT.

[Ms Bev]

I might end up somewhere short of "100% fully transitioned to female including SRS,"

THAT sounds familiar....about 5 yrs ago, before I wanted it all.  Small steps made me feel more normal, and made me want more and more.

Powerful drugs!
Mind bending,
Flesh shaping,
Until,
You,
are
She


Bev

[Nicky]

For me is sounds like your wife does not want the stigma of being with a visibly trans partner. They would prefer you looked 100% female or 100% male. It sounds like they are comfortable if you became a female. As you said, it is the inbetween stages she has a problem with.

It sounds to me like they are trying hard to deal with it but it is still a big thing to deal with and sometimes they just can't face the thought of going through the process.

Does this sound plausable?

[Monique Martinez]

Being concerned with the 'inbetween' time does indicate that, plus it would be hard for her to have a clear understanding of whats going on if you are unsure. Conviction is reassuring!
My mother is ok with me but her biggest concern at the moment is her friends, it's very unfortunate that some people in this world will and do view people that are only associated with the TG community differently. She would like to talk to friends about it but because of the social stigma/wide spread ignorance of  'the herd' she is unable to which is sad. I told my mother her friends have small minds, but at the end of the day they are her friends. Friends.. something to consider?

[Mister]

My ex did the same sort of waffling.  She didn't care if I got top surgery, but didn't want me to go on T.  She didn't mind if i went on T, but she didn't want my voice to change.  then, when I did get top surgery, she cried as soon as my new chest was revealed.

your wife is totally confused and it's understandable.  she should be.  she has no frame of reference for this whatsoever.