Hiya

[Jester]

Hiya,

I'm 21 years old and have been riding the "am I, aren't I?" train of ->-bleeped-<- since I was like 15, but I'd say my earliest memory of transgender thoughts and actions would have been when I was about five years old.  I'm actually not sure if I'd identify as an MTF transsexual or as a crossdresser, or dual gendered, or androgyne or what, and I think that's a big factor in my indecisive behaviour over the years.

I live on the east coast of Canada and go to university and am in my fourth year, but am staying on the five year program.

I spent a lot of time in high school coming out to people online, because there was no doubt in my mind that I was completely transsexual at the time.  After several unhappy girlfriends, and a few years of losing out in pot smoking, I started to think that maybe I was happy as a man, but I'd always have situations in which I'd need to dress or do something else that I perceive as inherently feminine.

I've actually been mistaken for a girl my whole life, and with my metal hair it's only gotten worse/better depending on perspectives.  I tried coming out to my family once in high school, which though I think it's better than most center-right wing families did not go swimmingly and I actually managed to recloset myself somehow.  Now I've got this girlfriend who is a pretty strong feminist, and as contradictory as it may sound, I think she may have some gender dysphoria.  I may be projecting my own image onto her, but it's really got me constantly concerned about my gender again, and that's how and why I found this site.

Oh, and my laptop's kind of busted and I'm actually doing this in safe mode, so god knows when I'll be able to properly reply to anything.

[Just Kate]

Welcome, Jester!

Seems that you have some soul searching to do.  Are you comfortable most of the time as male, but need avenues of expression?

It is also great you are open about yourself with others.  That takes courage and practice to do it in such a way that shows others it is something you are confident about, and not something you are ashamed of.

BTW, anyone can be a feminist (including guys).

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Jester,   

Welcome to our little family. Over 1900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another member.   

You sound like my adopted daughter.  She is on again, off again with her issue.  I really think that she just need to get away from the ones that push her into the male mode.  And then stand tall as the young woman she is.

You need to seek out a therapist and explore your issue, and then stand tall.

Janet

[Eva Marie]

Hey Jester! Welcome!

[tinkerbell]

Hello Jester and welcome to Susan's! 

Thanks so much for introducing yourself.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site.  You might also wish to go to the Announcements section and review The Site Terms of Service and rules to live by, Post Ranks, and The Standard Terms & Definitions to help you with some knowledge about our site.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay! 

tink

[Jester]

Grrrrr..... cruddy internet connection makes post not go through.

I said that I'm happy to be involved in this community and you all seem like intelligent, well reasoned people.

I joined this site to gain some sort of feeling of community, beyond my understanding but decidedly not transgendered group of two-three friends who I talk to candidly.  I'm hoping that your thoughts, feelings, and experiences will help me to put some order into my own and hopefully bring my life renewed meaning.

See, I'm supposed to be graduating and I've changed my major twice, and even though I have enough credits to graduate, I'd rather spend thousands more dollars and come back.  I don't feel I'm done yet.  I left my hometown with certain ideas in my head on being myself, and never going back "home" until I prove that I can live life on my own terms.  Anyways, I've got no career plans, friends going off to be pseudo-successful in the world, and instead of coming out like I had originally intended I got an active social life.  Also, when you're smoking a lot of pot, suddenly the metaphysical ramifications of gender seem somewhat less important than how Optimus and the Autobots are going to defeat Megatron and his Decepticons today.

I wasn't unhappy with my gender for a long time, or rather it'd come in short bursts that I could quell with an hour or two of dressing.  Now, it's more nagging, and I was watching the Watchmen last night (Awesome, by the way) and I got a feeling I haven't really had since high school- envy of women's appearance to the point of fairly strong emotion.  The movie had so many girls that looked like the 30s-60s pin-up ideal, and most of them had the same hair colour as me and, well, envy.

As I type this I begin to wonder if I should be posting this on the transgender board rather than the introductions board.

[Just Kate]

Grrrrr..... cruddy internet connection makes post not go through.

I said that I'm happy to be involved in this community and you all seem like intelligent, well reasoned people.

I joined this site to gain some sort of feeling of community, beyond my understanding but decidedly not transgendered group of two-three friends who I talk to candidly.  I'm hoping that your thoughts, feelings, and experiences will help me to put some order into my own and hopefully bring my life renewed meaning.

See, I'm supposed to be graduating and I've changed my major twice, and even though I have enough credits to graduate, I'd rather spend thousands more dollars and come back.  I don't feel I'm done yet.  I left my hometown with certain ideas in my head on being myself, and never going back "home" until I prove that I can live life on my own terms.  Anyways, I've got no career plans, friends going off to be pseudo-successful in the world, and instead of coming out like I had originally intended I got an active social life.  Also, when you're smoking a lot of pot, suddenly the metaphysical ramifications of gender seem somewhat less important than how Optimus and the Autobots are going to defeat Megatron and his Decepticons today.

I wasn't unhappy with my gender for a long time, or rather it'd come in short bursts that I could quell with an hour or two of dressing.  Now, it's more nagging, and I was watching the Watchmen last night (Awesome, by the way) and I got a feeling I haven't really had since high school- envy of women's appearance to the point of fairly strong emotion.  The movie had so many girls that looked like the 30s-60s pin-up ideal, and most of them had the same hair colour as me and, well, envy.

As I type this I begin to wonder if I should be posting this on the transgender board rather than the introductions board.

It is more than fine to post into the introductions thread, but you might get more readership in the transgender thread.

What you are experiencing is common from what I have seen.  We naturally tend to envy those who we perceive to have what we have, and that envy is stronger and more emotional when we feel someone has something for which they never worked to get, and you will probably never have.

Don't let that envy get the better of you as it will only lead to darker paths.  Many of us recognize this weakness in ourselves and so try to stray away from situations that might start that cycle.  For example, for me, that meant going to the mall on weekday mornings and not on Saturday afternoon amidst the tumult of teenage and twenty something giggling girls.

We all have our ways of coping, and you'd be surprised how some simple lifestyle changes can have a dramatic effect on how our gender dysphoria affects us.

You say you wish to live life on your own "terms."  Have you defined those terms yet?

[imaz]

Hi Jester and welcome

Concerning what you wrote I'm not too sure what to reply.

My personal belief regarding gender issues is that deep down we know what our real gender identity is, we can accept, deny, enjoy or hate it.

All of this is irrespective if we are male or female, Straight or Gay, TS or TG , HBS or whatever the other side is called and so on.

Enjoy how you are and love yourself for who you are

[Jay]

Welcome to Susans Jester!

[RebeccaFog]

Welcome!

[ruucafekko]

welcome