The sexual side androgynity

[Jørgen]

Hello,

I have a question. It's a bit of a silly question, nevertheless, it is something that has been bothering me for quite a while now.
Since a few months I'v started to actively identify as an androgyne. It's the resulst of something that's been gnawing in me for quite a long while and something that fits best by how I experience myself. It's just a name, but a name can be so nice because it can give something to hold on. In retrospect I think it is how I've lived my life from little child to a grown person.
Now in technical terms I am a heterosexual man, but I don't feel... aligned, or connected with the hereosexual man. A person with a male body loves people with a female body, but not like a man. I used to say that I just did things differently than most other men, now I simply say that I'm not a man. And sometimes life can be that simple
I would like to go to some queerbars, whatever that may be. Here in Brussels there are enough rainbows hanging over the doors. For me it would be a kind of vacation out of the heterosexual world where I only stand in with one leg. I feel I belong there just as much as I would belong in normal bars and would like to enjoy both sides just as much. But somehow I allways feel that I have to justify why I'm there. That I feel like I don't belong there just as much either. Even more, I recently learned that it seems to be very populair amongst heterosexual men to go to gaybars and try to pick up the female friends of gay men. At such moments I have to really do my best to remember that not all cis-men (and I hope it's actually the majority) aren't like that, but still I take my distance from it. I am thus very irritated when people people would make such a conclusion about me when they would know that I'm atracted to women. Men don't interest me and I don't interest lesbians, so the whole point for me of going to a queerbar because of sexual interest is a stupid notion.
I'm just wondering, how does everybody here handle their seksuality? What does it mean for everyone here? Is it something that keeps you busy or something that comes naturally and doesn't need much thought. How does everybody here identify? Such things suddenly became a bit blurry for me. Especially all the social construction around it aren't allways very evident. I found out that I'm in a sense queer now. I would like to do something with that and enjoy life in ways I could not when I didn't know I was queer. I feel oppertunity, something that feels like it belongs to me, but I don't know what to do with it.

Regards,

Jørgen

[Kinkly]

for me I'm always feel both male and female I've never related to hetro guys even though thats how others see me but in reality the part of me thats fem is lesbian and the man in me is asexual. 

[Pica Pica]

Thanks for this post, although I can't answer those questions - you have appeared to have untangled that tricky mess of androgyne identity and hetrosexual urges that all mix up till they become something decidedly queer. So thanks for untangling it at least.

[Nicky]

Myself I am women loving. I can't think of any other way to put it. In terms of my penis I guess that would make me heterosexual. But in terms of my gender there really isn't a label for it. In my case I feel like labels are a barrier. My wife does not consider herself gay or queer yet she is in love with and sleeping with a person who is not a man. If we were to choose our partners based on labels she would never have picked me. She says she is a nicksexual.

It has not really affected my sexuality, the realisation that I am transgendered. Perhaps sex has gotten better as I feel more free to be myself and am less penis centric than I was when younger. I don't really think about it much now, but is sometimes keeps me occupied

Something people don't talk about too much is that you can play different roles in the bedroom. It is often assumed that males are 'on top' and females 'underneith' - i.e. one is the doer and the other is the person having stuff done to them. This is very limiting and a very binary way to view sex. How many men or butch lesbians say they actually are the ones that want to be seduced and be on the bottom? I bet there are quite a few but they get stuck in the 'traditional' role.

I don't think sexuality is a simple thing. Current labels are limiting. What we need is are 'queer' bars instead of gay bars - or maybe just a sexual honesty bar.

[Jaimey]

I don't think sexuality is a simple thing. Current labels are limiting. What we need is are 'queer' bars instead of gay bars - or maybe just a sexual honesty bar.

Amen!  I always feel weird going to gay bars because I'm just the gay guy's friend, as opposed to someone who belongs in the community too.