Selective religious beliefs

[Marie]

According to the same Bible my mother uses to condemn me, she lives in sin every day.  I've pointed this out time and again.  But with every conversation comes more ridiculous nonsense.  This doesn't seem anything like the woman I knew growing up, some of the things she says are actually really embarassing and I feel so sorry to hear them come from someone I love.

I'm questioning whether I want to continue a relationship with someone like that.  What reason do we have for continuing a relationship?  We both think the other is crazy and it's ruled every conversation for the last 7 months.

Meanwhile, and I can't believe this, everyone has been ok with my transition I have had zero negative comments and so many positive ones over the last 4 months of living full time (other than work....though I'm obviously xdressing,speaking in a higher voice, etc.)

It's hard having men try to pick me up and having married women my age want to "hang out some time" and come home to an email from my mom stating I'll never pass (blend if your Janet).

So, break it off?  It might be the end because I did that with my Father 12 years ago for different reasons and we haven't spoken since. 

[mina.magpie]

Hon, Unfortunately that whole "you'll never pass" line is common from the people closest to us because they won't or can't see - they're just too close to who you were (or at least who they thought you were) to give who you are a fair chance. I hope she comes around in time, but yeah, maybe some distance between the two of you is a good thing. I was in the UK when I started transitioning, and that really helped redefine my relationship with my parents. The time and distance just gave them enough of a break from the old person for them to basically meet the new person with a fresh ... whatever (words escape me

Mina.

Post Merge: March 11, 2009, 07:45:35 AM
As for that very convenient selective reading thing they tend to do though ... I have no reply. I make sure I'm clued up on religion, but the best that does for me is give me ammunition to shut people up for a while. It never convinces them though - I think the only thing that does that is time and you living your life beautifully.

Mina.

[Marie]

What's the best way to distance myself?  Do you just stop replying, don't answer the phone?  Tell them you don't really need/want them in your life?  As it is we haven't seen each other more than half a year, we've spoken by phone like twice.  Mostly it's just email... recently she has been pushing me to come visit but with the way things have been I have to balance the chance to make some headway with an in-person visit and the chance at suffering through another protracted guilt placing excersize.

[Genevieve Swann]

Personally, I believe everyone should select which part you want to beleive or follow. Most of writings have been translated and interpretted so many times we don't know what the original was like. So it's my turn to interpret so it fits my concept of my own reality. Sometimes family members can be difficult. If I change to satisfy them, they'll find some other reason to disagree.

[mina.magpie]

What's the best way to distance myself?  Do you just stop replying, don't answer the phone?  Tell them you don't really need/want them in your life?  As it is we haven't seen each other more than half a year, we've spoken by phone like twice.  Mostly it's just email... recently she has been pushing me to come visit but with the way things have been I have to balance the chance to make some headway with an in-person visit and the chance at suffering through another protracted guilt placing excersize.

I would be honest with her. I'd start with saying that you really miss her and that you would really like to visit, but that you simply can't deal with accusations and recrimination and questioning your transition and stuff. If you two can agree to disagree and not discuss the divisive stuff, then don't let her go - family is important. But if she or anybody else is unable or unwilling to respect your life even if they disagree with it, then perhaps you should cut your losses. Just don't burn the bridge. Tell them that you'll always love them and hope they can learn to respect your decisions and make contact again.

Sometimes you have to break it off, as much as it will hurt.

Mina.

[Marie]

That's what scares me, one day it stopped hurting.  I think your right I'm going to take a vacation from the accusations that I'm possesed by Satan.  I refuse to fight a battle I #1 shouldn't have to fight and #2 can't win.   At this point I'm truly insulted, and she discounts my feelings as the ravings of a crazy person.  The only way I know how to do this is just, no further communication, pre-filter the emails and not answer the calls.  I'd rather not be so passive aggresive but more discussion with her won't get me anywhere.

[CypherEnigma]

I see myself having the same troubles down the road when I have to come out to my father's side of the family. Luckily, my father is much more grounded than the rest of them, especially my Grandparents.
I plan on confronting it by just saying that it is a medical issue. It affects my DAILY life. I am unhappy living as they know me.
This will probably incur a flood of negative comments and probably some bible quoting, maybe the holy water. I figure if I was baptized I should be okay, survived the water once and can do it again.
I think the most beneficial course of action would be the "take me or leave me" approach. Its a little different since I don't have particularly strong ties or inclinations in any way shape or form for that side of the family. I would imagine that confronting this issue with your parents has potential to be much more devastating and I'm pulling for you girl!
Sarrah

[mina.magpie]

That's what scares me, one day it stopped hurting.  I think your right I'm going to take a vacation from the accusations that I'm possesed by Satan.  I refuse to fight a battle I #1 shouldn't have to fight and #2 can't win.   At this point I'm truly insulted, and she discounts my feelings as the ravings of a crazy person.  The only way I know how to do this is just, no further communication, pre-filter the emails and not answer the calls.  I'd rather not be so passive aggresive but more discussion with her won't get me anywhere.

I'm really sorry it comes to that Marie. I wouldn't cut her off entirely because family really is precious, but then, you know her, you're in the thick of it and I'm not, so you need to do what you think is right.

Blessed Be,

Mina.

[myles]

I believe this is an area I am allowed to post in as an FTM if not just ignore me, I did read about it.
First off congratulations on the positive responses, and as I am as you know you pass very well! She's just trying to be hurtful. My relationship with my mother is also terrible, has always been. I am going to take this opportunity to step away from that relationship, went through the same thought process you are now. While it's a bit hard as I have kids who see her as grandma, it is not and has never been a positive relationship. I know we have some sort of internal thought/wiring that says they are our parents we must have a relationship with them, but we also have a commitment to ourselves to only be around others who treat us the way we deserve to be treated.
Good luck
Myles

[Ashley315]

I wouldn't worry about the "your never going to pass" comments coming from anyone who is against your transition.  Of course they are going to tell you that.  They don't want you to transition or even think that you could make it transitioning.

As for your relationship with her.  I'd just sit down with her, or E-mail or whatever you feel is the best way to confront her about this, and be totally honest with her about how you feel.  Tell her that this is who you are and that she can accept that or just not be a part of your life anymore.  That is, of course, if you can accept the fact that she may herself rather not be around you anymore if you are going to be you.  Otherwise, I fear you are stuck dealing with this for awhile or maybe even forever.  She may eventually come around and accept it, or she may never accept it and always say hurtful things to you.

I hope everything works out for your.  I know dealing with parents can be a tough thing to go through.

[Zelane]

You have to do what you have to do. But staying away from toxic person being they family or not its a good idea.