I think im transgender... am I?

[Chrisse]

Hi!
Im kinda glad I found this forum cause I have been confused along time now. I dont know if Im really transgender/transsexual. I often look at girls and feel really jelous of them, how they dress and that they can wear makeup and such. I have many times had dreams were I turn into a girl and I feel really happy about it, and yeah, alittle sad when I wake up as a guy.

Im not sure I want to change to a girl cause I dont want to look like a man changed into a girl. Ive seen some scary examples of that and I dont want to be one of them, so maybe Ill continue being a guy and live with it, I dont know.
Im trying to be really manly, growing a beard and getting tattoos. But I dont know, It somehow feels wrong.
What to do?

Sorry for my bad english.
have a nice day!

/Chrisse


Edit: I have now for the first time tried to wear a whole womans outfit, including panties, bra and a skirt. I must say it felt so wonderfull and nice, I felt relaxed and happy and I looked so good =D
My next step would be to shave of the beard and try some makeup on.

[Osiris]

Hi Chrisse, welcome to the board. Please make sure to take a look over the rules and all that jazz.

You're the only one who knows if you're trans or not, and there can be a lot of confusion involved in finding out. But one thing I do know is that you won't be able to find anything out by denying who you are. If you don't wanna grow a beard and get tats, then don't! If full transition is not for you then find out what it is that makes you happy. Maybe you just wanna wear a pretty dress and put on make up every once in awhile. Maybe you don't even want to dress up but just feel feminine. Or maybe you really do want to transition.

Basically you have many options available to you depending on what you want to do. The hard part is figuring out what that is. You might want to consider talking to a gender therapist to help you out.

For now I'd suggest you stop trying to hold yourself back or trying to be what you think you're suppose to be. Try just being you.

[Chrisse]

Hi Chrisse, welcome to the board. Please make sure to take a look over the rules and all that jazz.

You're the only one who knows if you're trans or not, and there can be a lot of confusion involved in finding out. But one thing I do know is that you won't be able to find anything out by denying who you are. If you don't wanna grow a beard and get tats, then don't! If full transition is not for you then find out what it is that makes you happy. Maybe you just wanna wear a pretty dress and put on make up every once in awhile. Maybe you don't even want to dress up but just feel feminine. Or maybe you really do want to transition.

Basically you have many options available to you depending on what you want to do. The hard part is figuring out what that is. You might want to consider talking to a gender therapist to help you out.

For now I'd suggest you stop trying to hold yourself back or trying to be what you think you're suppose to be. Try just being you.

Thank you for the answer, I really want to dress up complitely like a woman and wear makeup but Im to damn scared asking for help with it cause im not sure I can do it myself.

[Osiris]

Check out our fashion section! There are several people here with a lot of experience with makeup who can give you tips. There are also a lot of makeup how-tos on youtube.

And nothing beats a little practice. Every pretty girl you've seen started out making themselves look like a clown before they learned what looks best on their face.

[Chrisse]

Check out our fashion section! There are several people here with a lot of experience with makeup who can give you tips. There are also a lot of makeup how-tos on youtube.

And nothing beats a little practice. Every pretty girl you've seen started out making themselves look like a clown before they learned what looks best on their face.

Thank you Ill check them out =)

[MMarieN]

Hi and welcome!

There is only one person that can answer those questions. And you look at that person each day in the mirror.

I can only speak from my personal experiences. The decision to transition took years of introspection and soul searching. In many ways I had to deconstruct and then rebuild myself. It was difficult, but I'm glad I did it.

But I strongly caution that transition is not for everyone. Only you know the answers. Take your time and work through your issues to find those answers. Don't rush anything. You set your own timetable. A therapist that is familiar with gender issues can help.

I wish you peace and happiness in your search.

[Chrisse]

Hi and welcome!

There is only one person that can answer those questions. And you look at that person each day in the mirror.

I can only speak from my personal experiences. The decision to transition took years of introspection and soul searching. In many ways I had to deconstruct and then rebuild myself. It was difficult, but I'm glad I did it.

But I strongly caution that transition is not for everyone. Only you know the answers. Take your time and work through your issues to find those answers. Don't rush anything. You set your own timetable. A therapist that is familiar with gender issues can help.

I wish you peace and happiness in your search.

Thank you for that warming answer. Its so wonderfull that everyone in here seems so welcoming and nice. Maybe this will give me some curage to come clean on who I truly am.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Chrisse,   

Welcome to our little family. Over 1900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another sister.   

Janet

[Chrisse]

Hi Chrisse,   

Welcome to our little family. Over 1900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another sister.   

Janet

Thank you so much for the warm welcome =D Ill sure stay here and hopefully get some new friends and some much needed answers.

[Vicky]

Hi Chrissy -- By all means read what is here, somewhere you will find an experience like the one you are having, and maybe see how it resolved itself.

Suggestion, check some of the references in the resource section of the site here, and if one of them is a three day weekend trip for you, take the chance.  I still have insecurities about myself but they are receeding as time goes by.  Over the past ten years my own evaluation of where I am on the "T" spectrum has changed.  Have a makeover at a "T" friendly shop, and although you will spend some money, it will answer questions for you. 

[Jester]

The only thing I can offer is personal experience.  I spent the last couple of years trying to masculinize myself and it seemed to me to be working, except my already less than amazing temper got much worse and I've lost a lot of the motivation in my life.  I'm just now starting to realize that it's because I've been denying some fundamental elements of my own being, though I'm not sure what yet.

We're in similar boats, though I chose 80s metal instead of a beard so I was allowed to have long hair.  This road can be tantalizing, but if you feel that you're lying to yourself, you'll end up the worse for the wear, but if doing this kind of thing works for you then who am I to say anything?

[Chrisse]

Hi Chrissy -- By all means read what is here, somewhere you will find an experience like the one you are having, and maybe see how it resolved itself.

Suggestion, check some of the references in the resource section of the site here, and if one of them is a three day weekend trip for you, take the chance.  I still have insecurities about myself but they are receeding as time goes by.  Over the past ten years my own evaluation of where I am on the "T" spectrum has changed.  Have a makeover at a "T" friendly shop, and although you will spend some money, it will answer questions for you.

Thank you for the answer and the tips. I will look up "T" friendly makeovershops here in sweden, hope they have them =)
Post Merge: March 11, 2009, 02:40:15 PM

The only thing I can offer is personal experience.  I spent the last couple of years trying to masculinize myself and it seemed to me to be working, except my already less than amazing temper got much worse and I've lost a lot of the motivation in my life.  I'm just now starting to realize that it's because I've been denying some fundamental elements of my own being, though I'm not sure what yet.

We're in similar boats, though I chose 80s metal instead of a beard so I was allowed to have long hair.  This road can be tantalizing, but if you feel that you're lying to yourself, you'll end up the worse for the wear, but if doing this kind of thing works for you then who am I to say anything?

Thank you for the answer.

[Icephoenyx]

Hi there, and welcome!

I definitely have some doubtful times too, where I think if this is what I really want, and I have been transitioning for two years!! It may be scary to put on a dress the first time, but do it in baby steps and hopefully you will be able to eventually find your comfort zones.

Chrissi

[vanna]

Hello Ms Erin

bad english was a middle name for me do not worry, i hope you manage to find some small steps to help you go forward

[Genevieve Swann]

According to some studies being transgender is neither a choice nor a "lifestyle". See rainbow@bgsu.edu. If you feel strongly about it as it appears you do, then go ahead. Many have been where you are now. Indecision may  not be good. Always wondering. Not good. It's a wonderfull world. All yours forever and nobody can take away your true feelings. Feel your true femininity and you may find ALL of yourself. These are only opinions. It works for me.   Orisis, Thanks, I didn't know I made myself look like a clown. (sarcasm)           Chrisse,Janet Lynn is a sweetheart.

[shychristine]

Hi Chrisse, I too feel like you do. I dress only at home and that was fine at first. But since I came out to my mother (who lives with me) I get more drepressed then before. I hate pretending to be the man who I was born. Knowing that SRS is out of my reach I thought that dressing and being the woman I was ment to be at home only would help, and it did until I realized that I was masking my problem. I can never be the woman I should have been Dressing only covers up my male body. I feel like a guy in drag and I do not come close to passing, so I too am confused of what to do but I just wanted to let you know there are others who feel like you do.

[Jessica M]

Hi Chrisse,

What you sad in your post sounds exactly like i used to be (except i did sport plus facial hair) and trying to "man up" if you really really don't want to will probably make you feel worse, thats what happened to me but everyone is different. I had the same fear of looking like a man in a dress (sometimes still do) don't worry nobody is a more harsh critic of you than yourself.
Just take some time and think carefully about want you want and how you feel before coming to any final decision.

Claire xoxo

[Cindy]

Dear Chrissie, Shychristine and Claire

Please take care. There are often no answers, just more questions. Why are we what we are? I'm female; known since thought developed. Years of mental pain. I knew before the Internet , when there was little contact for humans like us. Know I see more people able to find a life plan. No matter how difficult it is. I and others have tried suicide - obviously not succesful ; self castration; not to be recommended) .

Contact with humans with my same problems have been so helping. One of my greatest source of inspiration are my new brothers (FtMs) I have met on this site. They really are Men who can help. Our journeys are difficult. But they are journeys. Each person's destination may be different. I'd love to believe we could all meet at a BIG party. What a gas that would be! But we have one now thanks to Susan and colleagues.

Take care and start feeling comfortable. You have a long or short way to go. And guess what? You have Sisters and Brothers to help.

LoL

Cindy James

[Jill]

Hi!
Im kinda glad I found this forum cause I have been confused along time now. I dont know if Im really transgender/transsexual. I often look at girls and feel really jelous of them, how they dress and that they can wear makeup and such. I have many times had dreams were I turn into a girl and I feel really happy about it, and yeah, alittle sad when I wake up as a guy.

Im not sure I want to change to a girl cause I dont want to look like a man changed into a girl. Ive seen some scary examples of that and I dont want to be one of them, so maybe Ill continue being a guy and live with it, I dont know.
Im trying to be really manly, growing a beard and getting tattoos. But I dont know, It somehow feels wrong.
What to do?

Sorry for my bad english.
have a nice day!

/Chrisse


Edit: I have now for the first time tried to wear a whole womans outfit, including panties, bra and a skirt. I must say it felt so wonderfull and nice, I felt relaxed and happy and I looked so good =D
My next step would be to shave of the beard and try some makeup on.

Welcome.   You are certainly one of us, whatever we are.  Most of us have gone through long periods of confusion.  Remember that you don't have to make a final decision today on anything.  (And since tatoos are reaaaalllly hard to get rid of, think twice before getting one.)

And just being transgendered does not mean that you have to transition now or even ever.  The first step is getting some good therapy to figure out what is the right course for YOU.  And only you can figure that out.   Some of us transition all the way, some don't.  Some of us accept ourselves as in-betweens and don't try to fit into any rigid gender stereotype.

[Hypatia]

And since tatoos are reaaaalllly hard to get rid of, think twice before getting one.

One of my friends is a post-op FTM gentleman with a tattoo on his shoulder of an old woman in a babushka. He explained that long before he realized he would transition, when he still thought he was a girl, he had depicted how he imagined he would look when he got old— and had gotten a tattoo of that. Obviously, he guessed way wrong!