Questions About Getting Started

[Vancha]

I've had yet another discussion with my mother - this one far more in-depth - and we have come to the conclusion that obviously, I have quite a lot of difficulty identifying with being female.  The idea that I am transgender does not bother my mother, and she says that my family will always love and support me, so long as I am doing what makes me happy.  Obviously, this is a fantastic reaction, and I am very glad that I have the family I have.  For a long time, I thought I'd have to move out and isolate myself from them so as to be the person I truly am, but apparently that is not the case.

She said, after I asked, that she would find a therapist who specializes in transgender people.  My mother taught a class in university about gender roles, and knows a lot about these things, and happened to mention that I needed a therapist to get hormones anyway.  Which I'm glad she considers an option, because that is what I am hoping for.  I hope, through therapy, I get to share this experience... Learn more about myself and my options... And hopefully get started on hormone therapy.  Hoorayyy. 

Well, I just want to ask... Is there a list of things I have to do to get on the path of transitioning?  Are there any things I should do?  I'm not afraid that I'll be making a mistake by doing this - in fact, the mistake would be not doing this.  The realization for me was that I would regret it forever if I didn't.  That I would never feel whole, as a person; as if my inner identity matches the outer one.  I think this is something I really have to do.  I've done quite a lot of research, and I know what I'll be getting into.  A lot of struggles, and risks.  Our society may, at times, shun me.  But some day, I hope to be seen for who I truly am.

I am very lucky to have it so easy.  I just want to say that all of you, every single one of you on this site, whether MTF or FTM, androgynous, bisexual, homosexual, heterosexual, pansexual or asexual... Are an inspiration to me.  All of us go through difficulties, whether associated with being trans or not.  A lot of you have families that refuse to accept who you are.  You are all so very strong and truly an inspiration!


- Adrian

[Joseph]

Hi Adrian,

  Welcome to Susan's. =)  It sounds like you're still figuring out what the right path is for you, even though you are (perhaps heavily) leaning towards transitioning.  Even though you have already done a lot of research, just keep in mind that some people that were too quick to transition have regretted it because transitioning didn't "fix" their actual problems.  For example, every so often you come across stories of people who transition because they don't think they make a good man or good woman - but not necessarily because they identify as the opposite sex.  When they realize the mistake, it's too late to go back.  Question your motives and whether your focus on the gender issue may be obscuring some other problem(s).  Your therapist should help with this, but it's good for you to be keeping this in mind as well, because the whole system is less than perfect even if they follow the standards of care as closely as possible.

Other than that make sure you are realistically assessing the medical risks associated with each treatment you think you'll want (HRT, breast removal, hysterectomy, etc), as well as all the headaches involved in changing your various types of identification.

All the best to you.

Joseph

[Vancha]

Hello, Joseph.  Nice to meet you, and thank you for the welcome.  I definitely don't want to get into this too quickly.  However, I have been considering something like this for quite a few years, already.  I'm really trying to question myself, but return to the same conclusion countless times.  I'm hoping therapy can help this.  I'm not sure when therapy will start at all, but realizing that I am going to do that, at some point - see a therapist, that is - is the first step.

I've heard many stories about side-effects of hormone therapy and the various operations available for SRS... I've also heard a LOT about legal issues with changing gender on pieces of identity.  I live in Canada, so let's hope that makes it a bit easier.  Luckily, Adrian is a very androgynous name... So I think I could change my first name to middle very easily, at any time.  The rest of it won't be nearly as easy.

On a side note, I definitely am not doing it because I don't make a good woman... When faced with exactly the question of why I want to do this, it's really difficult to sum up everything.  It's just... A very deep-seated identity-based thing for me.  Gender affects us all of our lives, and almost everything within them, unfortunately.  It can only be assumed that when we have a difficulty with our gender identity, it becomes a large problem for us.

But I'm rambling.  I guess it's just good that I'm exploring this path and trying to figure things out, because this has been an issue in my life almost as long as I can remember.

[Linus]

Is there a list of things I have to do to get on the path of transitioning?  Are there any things I should do?  I'm not afraid that I'll be making a mistake by doing this - in fact, the mistake would be not doing this.  The realization for me was that I would regret it forever if I didn't.  That I would never feel whole, as a person; as if my inner identity matches the outer one.  I think this is something I really have to do.  I've done quite a lot of research, and I know what I'll be getting into.  A lot of struggles, and risks.  Our society may, at times, shun me.  But some day, I hope to be seen for who I truly am.

The only thing you need to do is enjoy the transition and take your time. What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Revisitism (that is, reconsidering what you have done, specifically in regards to surgery) is low for FTMs (I recently had a surgeon tell me that it was less than 1%). That said, it is worthwhile to take your time, enjoy all the parts of transitioning and that life has to offer (both good and bad -- if life was all good, we'd have nothing to compare it to in order to appreciate the good).

Depending on where in Canada you are there may be a wait list. I missed out on that because I left before Ontario re-instituted SRS as an OHIP option. I've heard wait lists as high as 3-4 years and you may be limited to specific surgeons in Ontario, BC or Quebec (last time I checked these were the only provinces that covered it). Where you go after the therapy is up to you really (although the therapist may make a recommendation of hormone first, live as male first with or without hormone, top surgery first, etc.). The options are there; it's really (to quote Microsoft): where do you want to go today?

Anyways, welcome to Susan's from another displaced Canadian (I live in NYC right now with occasional business trips back home).

Linus