To the family who doesn't know about me yet...

[Nemo]

... meaning my dad and brother - Mum's known for some time. I recently decided that it was about time I told the guys, not only because I'll be going down to see them at some point, but also the big FT is looming now. I have a psychiatrist appointment (yay! ) at the end of April, and I also feel that the longer I stay as female, the more trouble I'll have finding PT work, so I want to go full-time as soon as I feel able now.

But anyway - getting hold of dad and bro is hard, since they work odd hours. So I settled for sending them slightly different versions of this essay of an email:

Hi there, how's it going?

We haven't spoken much lately - hope everything's going alright. I never know when to call you, what with your job and all, so I'm sending you an email instead. It's not the best way to drop something this big on you... or maybe it is. I don't know, but anyway - it's about time I told you what's been going on with me lately.

You may not be aware of this, but when I was still living with Mum and Frank, there came a time when I became aware of a gender issue (hence the men's shirts in the charity bag that you dug out, if you remember that). Well, it was the wrong time to think clearly about it, but it hasn't gone away like I thought it might. In fact, as I've gone through Lent, it's given me a big slap for ignoring it for so long. I did think for a long time after that that I was just on a happy medium, but the increasing number of times I'd spent since wanting to scream for being able to be male, it's got pretty obvious that's not the case at all.

Long story short: your eldest daughter is actually your eldest son, who's grown thoroughly sick of pretending to be female.

I've already seen the doctor about this. Unlike Anderson, this one's referred me to a local psychiatrist to start the next step. In the meantime I've done tons of research, been building up a wardrobe and buying in other things I need, found a support forum and through that, I've now joined a proper support group. Nothing like the "dabbling" I did last time; this is the real deal. I know I've been indecisive about things before - my sexuality, for instance, although looking back, that may well have been the reason why being with men felt wrong, even though I still like them. Everything suddenly fits into place, all because I'm now listening to that voice that's been whispering to me all this time.

Not that many know yet, but I'm working on it - I'm aiming to save most of the telling for when it's too late for anyone to question/try to talk me out of it, meaning when I've gone full-time as a male. That's the next step for me while I wait, after I've got to the stage where I'm consistently read that way. In the meantime, because Mum and I still talk most weekends, I decided I'd better tell her before she notices something wrong. Aside from her, it's just Dave and my vicars who know, plus a couple of others at church that I have that level of trust with. I've sent a similar email to Frank too, but for now that's as far as I'd like to go. By all means "warn" Vic if need be when we know of my next visit, but apart from that it's no one's business.

That's the big thing, anyway. Been working happily at Network Leeds, am still waiting on any word from this interview I had last Wednesday. Might have to chase them up if they don't let me know soon. Sorry about the essay there, but there was no other way I was getting this out.

Hope to hear from you soon, one way or another.

Lots of love,

Sarah/Sam xx

That email to Dad bounced, so I had to find his new address via Facebook. In the meantime I got this back from my brother:

Hi Sarah, while you still are Sarah at least :-/ Sorry you've not heard from me, but practically have not stopped since the move. Right now it's hard to catch me at a time when I'm not either at work or in bed, so if you wanted to get all this out, e-mailing was the best way.

I just wanted you to know that whatever you choose to do in life, you will have my love and support.

Frank's always been a man of few words Dad, on the other hand:

Hi Sam,

I'll start calling you that if I can as that is the name you wish to call yourself. You made me laugh in one part when you said that my eldest daughter is in fact.....I thought for a moment you knew something about Frank that I didn't. And I see him at work 3 times a week.

Anyway, sorry about not letting you know about the change in email address, I changed it when the creature from the depths of the black lagoon was here. Another story another time.

The hours I do make it flaming hard for anyone to phone me, and I'm just as gulity for not phoning you. But my hours now are 7(ish)pm til 2(ish)am, 6 days a week. So its more or less night shift hours that I work, which means of course that I get to bed around 6 or 7am and get up around 4 or 5pm, and by the time my brain realises that my body is up and running your on the way to Church. If we could syncranize our watches, if you let me know roughly what times your up and about, if it's crazy hours, welcome to the club. If your still up at about 3 or 4am I'm quite happy to phone you then, I'm still wide awake.

I remember you having doubts about your sexuality, whether you were gay, straight or bi, and I remember saying that as long as you were happy with the partner that you found for yourself, whether male or female, I was happy as long as you were. If you are not meant to be a woman in your mind, then the physical issues can be arranged, as you are finding out. But always remember this, if you can go all the way to becoming a man, and there are a lot of problems to overome, convincing others being just one of them, you will always be my child, and if you ever need help or advice I will always be here for you.

You mentioned support groups, on the internet there's bound to be a site for transexuals, have you looked into that to see if there's any support or help you can get from people who have or are going through the experiance of changing sexes?

From documentories I've seen about this, I know at some stage you have to live a whole year as a man, but, to be honest, I'm not sure at which stage you have to do this. You'll have to let me know.

As for Vic, yeah, well. He probably wouldn't understand a damned thing anyway, so I'll tell him if and when I have to.

Generally, though, things are going pretty well for me, at the mo. I've got all my finances under control, to the point that if you need any I'll be able to find a bit to send you, along with Mum. It wouldn't be much in the next couple to be honest, but as things are getting paid off it'll be more from about July, only 4 months away. And me and Sarah in Scarborough are going along brilliantly, we're finding that we actually need each other, mentally and spiritually. Remember having a chat with her New Years' Eve?

I think that's about it for the mo'

Speak to again soon, one way or t'other.

Love Dad, xxx

I knew I'd get a good reaction from them both. Am about to reply to Dad, actually - set him straight on my position with support groups, for instance. I just decided to post it here to give you guys some hope

[no_id]

Thanks for posting the lt's Nemo. Great to see you got them positive replies. Gz. 

[Jasmine.m]

Thanks for sharing, Nemo! All of these positive family responses lately are uplifting!!

[Metamorph]

That one from your Dad is probably the coolest response anyone could hope for! If more people had that kind of easy going attitude it would make things easier for everyone. Im glad you have such good support.

[Nemo]

Thanks Glad I was able to lift some spirits - t'is the season to be supportive of TS family members, it seems

And yeah, Dad is very laid back. Any more so and he'd be lying down My family in general are good like that, though, hence I knew coming out to them would be the easy part. As for house-mate who "doesn't think God would want this" and the fun I'll have with work/church, well...

[Janet_Girl]

That is way cool. Nemo.  And for you Dad to address you as 'Sam', is a plus.  It is always great when family is supportive.

As for the house-mate and church.  That might not go so well, depending on their belief system.  Good luck there.

[Greg]

congrats nemo, your dad seems really cool.

[K8]

Wow Nemo, that's wonderful.  Build your group of supporters as you go.  They will help you when you run into the obtuse.

- Kate

[Sarah B]

Hi Nemo

No it's not a wow or cool story, it's a OMG lift your jaw of the floor story.  A story you absolutely love reading about, again and again.

You are not pre anything, you are your father's son, because reading the Emails, they are so similar it is not funny and he has your back covered in regards to Vic.  You have your fathers love unconditionally there.

Take care and all the best for the future and thank you for sharing your story with us.

Kind regards
Sarah B

[Rock_chick]

Thank you for sharing that Nemo, it makes me so happy that you have the love and support of your father...he sounds incredibly cool.

[Nemo]

Aww, thanks for all the comments folks I'm under no illusions that I've been incredibly lucky so far. And the story continues, not with family this time - although it might as well be:

I finally told my other housemate last night - and his reaction got me wishing I'd told him first.

His response was nothing short of amazing. Admitted to it being "a bit of a shock" which is understandable, although shortly after he asked what my new name would be. Just like Dad, when I told him he started using it straight away. He also asked how long I've felt like this, about the appointment I'd have at the end of April, what other support do I have, and was even giving a bit of advice. He reckons I should wait 'til I've had the psych. appointment before going FT, just in case I don't get referred to the GIC. Assured me it was only another four weeks, which in a sense is true - may even take me that long to get to that point, who knows. But it's something to think about.

An interesting point to note here is, all three of us are Christian (so's Dad, in fact), but both other housemate and Dad kept God out of the discussion, as opposed to speaking for Him, which is just awesome

[Al James]

Sorry Nemo i've been off the boards for a while. I'm really glad the reactions have been so positive for you and good look with your psyh appointment- i'm just waiting for my final one where theyre gonna tell me if they'll refer me to a clinic or not