Q Of The Day: With Dating Or Sexual Activity, When Should A Trans Person Disclos

[Shana A]

Q Of The Day: With Dating Or Sexual Activity, When Should A Trans Person Disclose Their History?
by: Autumn Sandeen
Sat Mar 21, 2009 at 03:00:00 AM EDT

http://pamshouseblend.com/showDiary.do;jsessionid=2C3E7891C1C14464CE5991061E9FC1D7?diaryId=10005

Question Of The DayThis past week, I wrote a diary entitled Blaming The Victim, Angie Zapata, For Her Own Death. When discussing the concept of trans people dating, especially in relationship to trans people engaging in intimate sexual behavior with a partner, the subject of when a trans person should disclose. Here's an exchange that EnoughNonSense and I had in the comments section of the diary mentioned above.

From EnoughNonSense:

    There is no justification for murder, ever, under any circumstance...on the other hand it is unrealistic to assume or expect that straight men are simply going to smile politely and say something along the lines of "Oh, I understand." when they discover a pre-ops status while out on a date.  There is no telling what a straight man's response will be...it can run the gamut from completely understanding to completely irrational.  Pre-ops must disclose their status; for a pre-op to not disclose is an invitation to disaster.  It is incumbent on everyone to drive this point home.  Justifying in any way the concept that pre-ops "are who they are" and society as a whole, specifically straight men, should be expected to accomodate their pre-op status when discovering it is absurd, unrealistic, and irresponsible.  It's not a matter of fault; it's a matter of reality.

[Genevieve Swann]

It would probably be best to disclose before going on a date. There would be one less hurdle to knock over. As for the guy who killed Angie Zapata. He had better get used to penis because where he's going he may have to deal more than he desires.

[Hazumu]

As for the guy who killed Angie Zapata. He had better get used to penis because where he's going he may have to deal more than he desires.

I really think he prefers his penis encounters that way -- as part of a macho dominance milieu.  If you have to 'take' one, you find two guys you can force yourself on and you're net +1.  And it's at least 'natural', not like the icky 'gay things'.



Related to Autumn Sandeen's question here is an earlier question"

Q Of The Day: Would You Date A Trans Person?

An interesting question for folk like Sharon and I would be a question for our cissexual gay, lesbian, and bisexual blenders: Would You Date A Trans Person?

There's a lot of nuance that could be in an answer. There could be a feeling that you wouldn't want to date anyone of trans history at all, or perhaps you wouldn't feel comfortable dating a pre-operative transsexual, but would feel comfortable with a post-operative transsexual. Or even vice-a-versa: Perhaps you wouldn't feel comfortable dating a post-operative transsexual, but would feel comfortable with dating a pre-operative transsexual. And, where might crossdressers, genderqueers, or non-operative transsexuals fit into your would-or-wouldn't date categories?

[tekla]

There is no justification for murder, ever, under any circumstance

Bull, two words, Adolph Hitler.  (among others)

it can run the gamut from completely understanding to completely irrational.

Are we betting here?  If so, place you money on Completely Irrational, it tends to win most.  And not just trans stuff, almost everything right down to the most trivial and unimportant points.


edited to conform to TOS #11

[Miniar]

I think the appropriate time is "as early as possible".
If you wait for the right time, or hesitate to mention it, you might end up in a situation where you're Actually lying to your "partner" about it.