Frustrated.

[Sophie90]

I think maybe I spend too much time by myself and/or am too wrapped up in my fantasies, but either way, it has come to my attention that I'm lonely.

Lonely in the sense that I want a romantic partner.

I've never had one before, except a boyfriend I had when I was 9 and 10, but, really, we were no different from normal friends, as is the way at that age lol.

I have friends, but I don't think they are what I believe are called "close" friends. Or "real" friends.
I have people I hang out with and such, but no one I can "talk" to. About feelings and stuff.

I've never had any such relationship and/or "intimacy" with anyone.

My parents were... okay.
But I don't think I've ever "bonded" with either of them.

I'm putting all these words in speech marks, because I don't understand.
I feel like I'm trying to think in Newspeak, like I have no words with which to think these thoughts.

Maybe, I actually have been "bonding" and such the whole time, and not realised. I could just be over-thinking?

Anyway, the point of this post is that I want to be with someone that I can have these experiences with, to "bond".
I also, corny as this may sound, want somebody to love.
Very much.
I'm at the point where I really don't care a great deal whether they love me in return, as long as they let me love them.
I know this is bad.

And yes, I do have a particular person in mind.

I haven't known him all that long, but he is the kind of person that does all this "talking" stuff, and he's got as much out of me as I'm willing to give on MSN, "talking"wise. (We live 72 miles apart by road, not that either of us have cars ) This kind of classifies him as my best friend, even though I'm quite sure I'm nowhere near that important to him.

I am seeing him soon, and I want a relationship with him (like, you know, romantically, sexually, etc)
If he says no, I'm not too concerned about losing the friendship.
I'm still friends with the last (and first) person who turned me down (last year).

But I don't want to keep getting rejected.
I mean, rejection hurts.
It really hurts.

But at the same time...

Somebody to Love - Queen

I don't know what's got into me.

[Jester]

He won't say no.  I used to be the exact same way when I was a bit younger.  Then I got one girlfriend.  The first is the hardest to lose if you happen to be an adult when it happens, but getting close to people gets a lot easier once you pass that first boundary.

[vanna]

He won't say no.  I used to be the exact same way when I was a bit younger.  Then I got one girlfriend.  The first is the hardest to lose if you happen to be an adult when it happens, but getting close to people gets a lot easier once you pass that first boundary.

I agree
love is pain but also gets easier to be closer to peoples as you age...the i wil take a chance comes into play more and more. do not worry it works out in the end if you allow it to ofc.

[Saraloop]

Well, rejection doesn't stop you from loving.. it just stops you from.. expressing it in many ways ..

Sometimes the feeling of wanting to love/bond, can be a very enjoyable feeling by itself if you don't direct it negatively, but it would be really nice to bond with someone. I'd like to meet someone myself. Here's to hoping we get to experience wonderful feelings with someone special in the near future