Dating Tips for Non-Ops

[DebbySoufflage]

I have met a great deal of everyday straight men who loved me enough as a person, to not care about my genitalia.

What I have experienced is that if you pass as a woman and are attractive, men tend to care less about your operative status.

It definitely is possible to meet cishet guys as a non-op trans woman.

I myself am non-op and I have found that men in their mid to late 30s who already have children are the perfect partner for us, trans women. They have fullfilled their need to reproduce already and thus most of them are willing to be in longterm relationships with trans women, whatever your operative status is.

[DebbySoufflage]

Subscribed to a couple dating sites and have been honest from the start in my profile: "non-op MtF, on HRT for years, want to find a decent man who sees me as more than an exotic hook-up."
I told the men right from the start that I do not see me not getting bottom surgery as making me lesser of a woman. My identity shouldn't be dependent on an external procedure. And I think at least some of them got the message. Because I got non-fetishizing, trans-friendly messages in my inbox for the first time in a long while.
Sometimes outlining your boundaries really helps.

[KimOct]

My first time in this forum.  I guess because I don't consider myself non-op but that is certainly open to interpretation.

I did have an orchie but not vaginoplasty.  I had to go through the WPATH letters and stuff and it allowed me to change my birth certificate to female so I guess I consider an orchie GCS-lite to make up a word.   

Anyway, since I still have a penis and not a vagina that is going to be a major issue with a lot of people regarding dating therefore I am very interested in this thread. 

Thank you for starting it. 

I just went back and read a few pages.  Wow Debby you sure dug this out of the mothballs  .  Been awhile. Hopefully it will gain some interest.  I would like to hear others experiences.

[DebbySoufflage]

I have started dating again recently, by going to clubs on Friday evenings and having drinks at local pubs one day during the week, when I have a less busy day at work. I also put up a few dating profiles on a couple of websites.

I had a lot of messages but most only wanted a hook up which I wasn't interested in.

I made it clear in my profile that I'm looking for something substantial, not some "quick thing".

So, that's how I met this wonderful guy.

His name is Arne.

Arne and I hit it off pretty soon, first by messaging back and forth till late at night.
Then we went on our first date on Wednesday two weeks ago and had 3 more dates since then.

He admitted that he wasn't into penis, but likes me too much to throw away the special chemistry we seem to have...

I'm not interested in bottom surgery, apart from maybe an orchie down the road.

I wonder how it will work out between me and him.

He called me beautiful and breathtaking several times since we met.

We made out without a problem.

We even had our first time together already and he called it "magic" .

But I'm still worried that sooner or later he will miss the vagina and go back to a woman who has it.

He told me that " my womanhood is more than one body part " and that there are enough women who can't have vaginal intercourse for whatever reason but still manage to find a husband who loves them.

He wants to protect me all the time and text messages me a lot.

He however said that I have to get over my insecurity and fear of losing him.

I'm glad that I found a hetero cis man I match with in every single way.  But sometimes the little voice in my head that says "I'm lesser than a woman with a vagina" becomes overwhelming.

Keep you updated.

Luv,
Debby