Height and Transition

[carissa]

For my first post outside of the introductions section, I was wondering how many if any transgender girls here have the same problem & worry as I do.  If you've read my intro, you'll know I'm a fulltime male wanting to begin taking the steps towards becoming the real me.  However, one of the biggest things I worry about is my height, body build and being able to pass.  I'm 6'5 and with in the last couple years, have been on and off again with weight training (trying to I guess boost my testostorone levels thinking maybe that would get rid of wanting to be female and also trying to be like a male).  I don't really look like a bodybuilder, but I'm not tall and scrawny either.  I realize that whenever the time comes and I'm allowed to begin HRT, that the hormones will help with loosing muscle and everything, but I'm still very worried about my height and body size.  I suppose the majority of transgender females are the same way regardless of their height, but I just feel like my height and body size complicates things... one of the reasons why I wouldn't allow myself to accept who I am.  But anyways, I was just curious as to how many other women on here are very tall or have issues such as this and how you work your way around them.  I realize confidence is major thing, however, I have much to learn and practice lol.

[NicholeW.]

I did want to say "hi" Carissa so you wouldn't feel that no one was paying attention.

I imagine that to now the women who've read this have been, like me, rather lower to the earth than you. I'm 5'6" and just have no basis to say anything about it. Except, "Hi, nice to meet you and enjoy your sojourn at Susan's."

Nichole

[hayden.]

i'm a short guy who would do anything to be your height.
funny, that; we're never happy with what we have.

[Steffi]

Hi Carissa and welcome.
I'm 6 foot, so a little closer to earth than you but still way above average female height and I've also got broad shoulders.
I'm 54 and 20 months into full-time, 8 months into HRT.

I fret about the height/size thing, but that doesn't stop me wearing heels all the time, minimum inch-and-a-half, max 4 inches - more than 4 inches and I fall over, assuming that the ankle/shin pain doesn't get me first! 

It depends exactly what you mean by Passing?
- in fact I had JUST written a post musing about passing but decided not to send it. I think I will rewrite it and post it.

You are right that confidence is a major thing. If your presentation as female is good in all other ways and you carry yourself with confident assurance, then you either pass or leave people too uncertain about whether you are/aren't to actually call you out - if they're unsure, people tend to not say anything. It's only once they're certain that they speak.
I have seen several genetic women taller and broader than me in the past couple of years and have also chatted with two women a little smaller than me who regularly get asked if they are actually a man! - much to their hurt and dismay.

Women my and your height/build are undeniably scarce, but they ARE out there - some are supermodels! 
When people stare at you, your returning gaze needs to say "Why are you being so rude as to stare? Have you never seen a girl my size before?" instead of "I hope you don't realize I'm a man....."    

btw - my own size was THE major thing that stopped me from transitioning decades ago.
Having done it now, so late in life, I often weep for the years wasted

edit - Ooops, was careless enough to misspell her name - sorry

[Janet_Girl]

I am 5' 10".  But I don't worry about it, there are women taller than me.  As for the build, it will change with HRT.  And there is nothing wrong with being fit.

'Passing', or as I call it "Blending' is all about attitude.  If you worry about it they will 'read' you, if you don't they could care less.  And someone may find you very attractive.

Find yourself a TS/TG group where you can go out as your true self.  That is always a help in the first time out.

Janet

[luna]

Don't weep over wasted years, rejoice in the time you have. The past is past, it's okay to dwell once in awhile, just don't let it consume you. :] I hope that doesn't sound too preachy...

Anyhow, I'm 6'1" and I don't feel it's much of an issue. I see girls my size and taller rather frequently, which I find rather unusual but I figure it helps me out a bit. You can go to some areas in Europe (Netherlands, I guess?) where girls are regularly my height and taller. What's another 4 inches, anyhow? For that matter, what's another foot? It's all in how you carry yourself, walk proud and with grace. I noticed one of my MTF friends (who I don't believe comes here... but may after I've told her a few times) seems to try and diminish her height with a rather slouchy posture and holding her limbs closely together. She's 6'6"! But the odd posture and mannerisms bring more attention to her height than necessary. My mother, in a very rare supportive moment, noted to me that Bea Arthur is taller than most women and isn't shy about walking tall and proud so I shouldn't be either. I can admire her for that and a lot of other obvious reasons, I'm sure I'm not the only one here who does.

Also of relevance, my best friend is a cisgender lady in Oklahoma. She's 5'11", and has a bigger shoe size than I do. A girl I used to work with over at the home improvement place is exactly my height, she's skinnier than I am (which is a feat in and of itself, my BMI is in the dangerous range) and also has a bigger shoe size than I do. So in essence, we're all humans, different shapes and sizes... and I beat out a couple of cisgender gals in shoe sizes, making me a bit giddy. Weeheehee. I still have to ask them where they buy shoes, though, so I'm not gloating around them. <.<;;;;

[Cindy]

Hi
I'm 5'9" and regularly wera 3 inch heels. No one has commented. I'm in Australia and Net ball and basketball are major female sports. All the top grades are well over 6 ft. The volley ball players are well over 6ft. Tall looks gorgeous in a gown. You may not want to wear a micro mini at that height, as the shorty guys will be looking up .

Don't fret. As Janet said it's blending. And fit is good. How many obese females are challenged for being big.

You can down size your gym training to cardio and keep fit and start losing muscle mass, and HRT will take care of a lot

Anyway
Stop worrying!

LoL
Cindy James.
Who will now apologise for being 5'9'', 57kilos, 38/29/37. The softest most feminine voice you have ever heard, 3 inch finger nails. Have problems getting out of the house due to the paparazzi. Keep knocking back dates from Brad, says he needs a mistress to help out his needs?

[imaz]

Wouldn't worry too much about height I'm 1.75 metres which I believe is somewhere just over 5 foot 10 inches.

I have two lesbian friends (born female) who are the same height and a little taller than me. The one who is taller is from Singapore and ethnically Indonesian which wasn't easy for her back home. In fact when she dressed feminine people had a go at her for being a ->-bleeped-<-.

[Julie Wilson]

I have two lesbian friends (born female) who are the same height and a little taller than me. The one who is taller is from Singapore and ethnically Indonesian which wasn't easy for her back home. In fact when she dressed feminine people had a go at her for being a ->-bleeped-<-.

Ah yes, trans awareness and what it is good for.  I recently heard about a genetic female who was murdered because someone thought she was trans.  Makes me wonder if the activists will ever realize the blood on their hands not to mention making it impossible for transsexual women to be accepted as anything besides transsexual women.

During the Day of Remembrance  we should consider how trans awareness has cost the lives of so many of us.  Some of us blame the victims, saying it was wrong for them to live as females instead of as transsexuals but not everyone has the luxury of being able to survive and earn a living as a male who got some body modifications, (i.e. the M in M2F).  That is mostly for the retired transitioner and the corporate transitioner.  The rest of us have to struggle in a binary world where trans awareness is like an axe hovering over our necks, threatening our friendships, relationships, our ability to earn a living and our very lives.

Beware the man or woman who believes he or she knows what is best for you.

My experience is that height isn't as much an issue as proportions, i.e. size of hands relative to height or width of shoulders relative to height, thickness of neck etc.

[Jessica M]

I'm 6"2 and played rugby for a few years to show everyone what a good 'manly man' i could be (for comparable pictures search Tommy Bowe, not me but i had that build) don't worry about it if you stop the waits eat a bit less and do cardio you'll lose the muscle mass quick enough.
I worry more bout the size of my hands than the size of my body, no one notices them ever ( I'm still pre-hrt) whem I'm out though so it's all good.

Claire xoxo

[imaz]

Ah yes, trans awareness and what it is good for.  I recently heard about a genetic female who was murdered because someone thought she was trans.  Makes me wonder if the activists will ever realize the blood on their hands not to mention making it impossible for transsexual women to be accepted as anything besides transsexual women.

During the Day of Remembrance  we should consider how trans awareness has cost the lives of so many of us.  Some of us blame the victims, saying it was wrong for them to live as females instead of as transsexuals but not everyone has the luxury of being able to survive and earn a living as a male who got some body modifications, (i.e. the M in M2F).  That is mostly for the retired transitioner and the corporate transitioner.  The rest of us have to struggle in a binary world where trans awareness is like an axe hovering over our necks, threatening our friendships, relationships, our ability to earn a living and our very lives.

Beware the man or woman who believes he or she knows what is best for you.

My experience is that height isn't as much an issue as proportions, i.e. size of hands relative to height or width of shoulders relative to height, thickness of neck etc.

Well she didn't get murdered, "just" insulted and shouted at in Singapore where she's from. Personally I think she's really hot, she used to be a personal trainer and is very, very strong...

[Miniar]

I'm an FTM and my natural, female body, is 6'2.
The shortest two out of my four sisters are 5'10.
There are some pretty awesome tall women out there. Don't worry too much.

[FairyGirl]

I am 5' 10".  But I don't worry about it, there are women taller than me.  As for the build, it will change with HRT.  And there is nothing wrong with being fit.

'Passing', or as I call it "Blending' is all about attitude.  If you worry about it they will 'read' you, if you don't they could care less.  And someone may find you very attractive.

Find yourself a TS/TG group where you can go out as your true self.  That is always a help in the first time out.

Janet

Not exactly on topic here but I just wanted to say to Janet Lynn that I really love reading your optimistic posts! *hugs* I'm usually a pretty upbeat person too but sometimes I get pretty depressed because of all the obstacles we face, height only being one of them (I'm 5'11"). And that is good advice on finding a group to hang with. There is strength in numbers and it's really great to be around people who accept us unconditionally as our true selves. It's good for the soul to be able to let our guards down, at least sometimes.

[Janet_Girl]

Thank You, FairyGirl,

I always try to be upbeat and optimistic, whenever possible.  Be down and pessimistic only let me to trying to take my life, three times.  The last time was what made me just to go for transition.

Janet

[Zelane]

How tall you are doenst really matters much. Ok, ok it does because finding proper fitting clothes and shoes can be such a hassle.

The problem its body proportion. If you have been weigth lifting. It is very possible your body will look very malish. Dont lose hope and wait to see what HRT does for you.

[Ashley315]

I'm 5'7,and I wish I had longer legs.  lol.  I hate my legs.. they are so short and stubby looking. 

[Kathrin]

Well, I registered an account simply to reply to this post.  I don't normally hang out here - I prefer to stay over at TrueSelves.

Being tall comes with issues - I'm 6'10", and that's a lot of what held me back over the years.  I waited until I was suicidal to do something about it - I do _not_ recommend taking that particular approach.  I came hours from dying, and decided to give HRT a try just see if changing my body would make life tolerable.  I never counted on the emotional feelings, happiness, etc.  - for me, the decision should have been made years ago.

The biggest things are a) finding clothes, and b) recognizing that it takes more effort to "pass", if that is your goal.

For the clothes, Merry Christmas .  It took me _forever_ to find them.  They are affordable, and can deal with odd dimensions.

Shoes are a big deal for me, as I wear a Mens 17EE.  Otabo makes custom shoes up to a Men's 22, but they are not cheap.  They do, however, fit wonderfully!  For those with smaller shoe sizes, zappos.com carries a wider range of women's sizes than most.

Before I had been on HRT more than a few days, I had some pictures taken.  I apologize for the lack of face - I wasn't out to anyone, and I worried about my privacy.  Now, everyone I care about knows, so there's no real risk.  I've been on since late Dec, so there's not too much change yet, other than being happy for the first time in my life.

Heck, even if I could never pass, I don't care - it's worth it for my sanity alone.

I apologize for the perspective in the first picture - that door is 7 foot, and that is a normal sized desk, but between my hair and the angle it was taken, it looks a little off.

The shoes are next to a box of Kleenex for a sense of perspective.

[DragonGirl]

Hi Carissa and welcome. I am 6'5" and 198 lbs. I don't really have a problem with height and weight. The biggest problem if I can call it a problem is the lack of body fat in my hands and arms from body building and dropping trees and splitting the wood. When people talk with me I usually tell them I was a F. Volleyball player and after an injury I couldn't stand being out of shape and dove into body building. That usually takes care of it. I once was concerned that my bust size was out of proportion but then looked at my mother who is a B and I am a B+ and figured hereditarily I'm on the money and with the bodybuilding small bust is acceptable. If you want to stay in shape Tai Chi the way to go. BTW my mother is 5'11" and my only niece is 6'1".  Hugs. DG

[BunnyBee]

I am 6'2 3/4" with my shoes off, no I am not 6'3" thank you very much.  It's the darned scandanavian blood.  Anyway, for me, height is also my #1 concern about passing, but if I go shopping enough I will see a few women around my height out and about.  They seem perfectly natural and people don't seem to stop and stare, or even give them any notice to speak of.  This, to me, means if you can send enough feminine cues, height in and of itself will not prevent you from passing.  Will it invite extra scrutiny?  You bet.

Worse comes to worse, practice up on your Norwegian .  I have to admit I've considered moving there.  Love the political philosophy in that area and dig the tall mens, among other things...

This thread has been helpful to me btw, if nothing else .  Positive reinforcement from other tall peeps is always nice.  Kathrin, your story was especially inspiring.  I'm glad you are on your way to finding peace.

[Kathrin]

Well, just for the sake of it, I decided to include a facial picture.  I'm not an amorphus blob, really.

This is after 3, almost 4 months of HRT.  I am 25 years old, and not FT - no makeup, etc.  I started growing my hair out in January - it's at that annoying length where it isn't really long enough to get to stay flat over the ears.