Controling your out status is like controlling [tamarisk | kudzu | purple loosestrife | your favorite invasive weed]. Once it gets a foothold, there's not much you can do. But it can't hurt to remind people that talking behind your back and treating you like a specimen rather than a person is unacceptable.
What can you do to deal? First, realize that you don't really have control of how people talk about you. Second, realize that you don't have to have anything to do with anyone who betrays your confidence. Hold your head up, take your blows, and don't let nobody turn you around.
