Hi, I'm Anna, 28-year-old MtF from Michigan. I first learned about transsexuality when I was 19 and came out to my family when I was 20, but they told me I wasn't trans, and I was anxious about transitioning, so I convinced myself they were right and slunk back into the closet. Needless to say, since then I've been miserable.
This is very hard for me to write, because when I think about how I denied being MtF for most of my 20's, I'm filled with self-loathing. I remember starting to revisit trans websites when I was 25 years old, but then I saw pre- and post-transition photos someone similar to me in age and male appearance had posted, and I felt pathetic in comparison. "If I had been brave like her, that could be me right now," I thought. I didn't want to admit to myself I had wasted those 5 years, so I slunk back into the closet again... and wasted a few more!
However, last year I descended to a point where I was thinking about suicide night and day, which made me realize I couldn't go on as a male. I re-came out to my family, who are now even less accepting than before, but I was resolved I wouldn't return to the closet this time. I joined a GLBT-friendly guild in World of Warcraft and told them I'm MtF, and naturally they're cool with it. Their acceptance gave me the courage to tell my online friends I'm MtF, and to my surprise all of them are cool with it, too. Finally, all that acceptance gave me the courage to tell my one close friend from college that I'm MtF. I could scarcely believe it at first, but she's completely supportive, which has made a world of difference.
I told her around New Year's, and after that I've still been avoiding trans sites, since as I said, they fill me with self-loathing. But, recently my college friend encouraged me to talk to other trans folks because she thought it would be good for me, and I knew she was right, so I promised her I would. That's the abbreviated, but still very wordy, story of how I got here.
tl;dr version: I'm an MtF named Anna and need to talk to some trans folks. These forums look smart and active, so I joined.
