UGH! I thought that transition....

[Melissa]

And remember -- I'm still not out at work yet, although I'm working on my voice right before everyone's very ears!!

It's satisfying to be/become just one of the girls 

Oh, you figured out my secret.   That's what I did as well.  My thoughts were that if anybody figured it out, it would just make it that much easier to come out.  Coming out went better than expected.   I had changed to using a head voice in front of everyone and then I had raised the pitch somewhat and nobody seemed to notice.  I also related to other women as if I were one of the girls.  I still talk with those women as one of the girls.

Melissa

[Hazumu]

Hey, Melissa;

I think there are a few who notice -- they just don't say anything.  

Karen

[Melissa]

Bingo!   That's the idea.  For me, I think more than a few noticed as many of the people seemed to be bothered that they had to have a meeting when my coming out was announced.  Nobody expressed any shock or surprise.

Melissa

[LostInTime]

LIT, do you allow yourself to be vulnerable?  Do you let others know your weaknesses?  Just a couple thoughts that may help.

The armour comes out and stays up when I am really uncomfortable.  It is a habit and it was developed for good reasons.  My Sir has noted that I have come out of my shell quite a bit since he first met me.    However, I still have a bit to go.  I have major trust issues.

Funny thing is that when I am around those who have similar training to mine, they pick up on all of the little things and try to get me to relax a bit.  Then there is one woman who is so tuned to me, it is incredible and unsettling.  She does not have a similar background but she can read me from a mile away (as in my emotions, etc).  Every now and again she will mention something to me that is dead on about how I am feeling and what I am thinking that it causes the armour to instantly raise up.  Which she also detects.

Again, this goes to why I am trying to learn how to interact a bit better.  I am trying to learn how to initiate conversation and do the small talk thing in hopes that it will help ease those around me and give me the opportunity to make friends.

I do have some visual cues that I will not drop because they are a part of me now.  The big one is walking from my center.  I think people pick it up subconciously and it causes that hunter/prey instinct that all have to kick in.  On the plus side it does lend itself to making me look graceful due to fluid movements. 

[Melissa]

Ah yes, the armor.  I took mine off when I first started transition.  I have to fight from time to time to keep it down.  It kind of starts to build up over time like tartar on a tooth and has to be knocked down from time to time.  To knock it down, you just need to be honest with yourself and other people.  I've found that by letting the armor down and being honest about who you are, it allows a lot more freedom of movement with people.

Melissa

[LostInTime]

Not so easy here and it is more than just being honest with others.  I have had what some may call a very interesting life.  The fact that I still get continually drawn back into, well we shall say interesting situations, I get to where I cannot trust too many people and need to have my guard up.  Also distance myself from those who are near to me.  No, I will not go into the everything that has happened but a couple of friends who were around for some of the more interesting situations said that I should write a book or a movie. 

The big downside is that these experiences also make it more difficult to relate to others and their problems.  They normally complain about stuff I would love to have as worries, to have a bit more of a normal life.

[LostInTime]

Does anyone actually read what I have written?

To those who have read, understood, and offered up some great advice, thank you.

Final part from me on this thread, please read carefully before replying to it:

I am trying to be more open to new experiences and to new people.
I come off as a bit intimidating because I carry myself well and am very secure in who I am and have a great deal of confidence in myself and the things that I do.
I am also shy but it comes off as a bit standoffish

What I was looking for:
How to appear more open, pretty much by me taking the initiative (and getting over my shyness) and approaching people to strike up conversations to show that I am not 1) all that intimidating and 2) snobby.

[Jessica]

I removed my previous post, as it wasn't all that helpful.

Yes, I read have read your posts in the thread very carefully, and maybe I put too much into it that wasn't really there and offered advice that I probably should have just kept to myself.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful LIT.

Sincerely,
Jessica

[Melissa]

To reiterate, the problem is that you are shy and that you are afraid to share yourself with others (even at the risk of being hurt), but you carry yourself well and that comes off as snobby or standoffish.  Perhaps others sense your reluctance to show who you really are and perhaps the even sense a "falseness" about you and that's why they may end up being a little put off.  Now for the most part I'm just guessing, but at the same time trying to be helpful.

Melissa

[Ellissa Ray]

LIT, I experience the same thing all the time, I've always been shy, at parties or social events I'm the one who sits back and watches others talk unless someone strikes up an interesting conversation with me. I've been horible with the small talk, always have trouble keeping a dead conversation going, or just starting one. And yes I have been thought of as snobby and stand-offish. interstingly the one thing that has helped me more than anything with this is my job, jI work in the meat dept. at a local grocery store, which requires customer service.... due to some bad shops and overheads decision to put a major emphasis on helping everyone as much as possible, I had to start greating every single person that crossed my path. With secret shoppers making trips into are store more often than not, I reluctantly had to comply. though I am not yet super confident and striking up new friendships with complete strangers all the time, it has gotten me comfortable with something rather alien to me.

So basically from my last 3 years at this job, and what I've learned with myself in this peticular battle, my advice to help you...
-force yourself to say hi to strangers, as often as possible
-as mentioned before (in other replies) volley the conversation back, even if the conversation isnt relating to you that well, manipulate it, make it into something you both can relate to and discuss
-learn about them, ask them about stuff, talking about yourself and not asking questions tends to reinforce peoples thoughts about you being snobby, false as that may be.

this last one I dont know if it realates to you at all but it may help anyone else
-don't drink, don't smoke pot, don't do any drugs...now I'm not saying never (well there are some that should never be done) but habbitually, once you get dependant on the chemmicals, when you dont have them, it tends to make you anti social, grumpy, just not pleasent, or easy to have a real conversation with. for me this happened with pot. And I wasnt smoking and then trying to go talk to people. it would smoke after work and when my school work was done, at night when I was at home watching tv, playing video games, what have you but every single night. at first you dont realize just how much this can affect your daily life, but you get to the point when it no longer gets you high, it just brings you back up to "normal", and then when your out durring the day, you are well below par, cuz you just dont have that chemical, that feeling you depend on, (now I know pot isnt really a physical addiction, but, well I have gone through more severe cases with worse drugs and alcohol, I just dont want to delve into that). any way  so if your gonna do anything do it on occasion,

well thats all i got right now, its hard for me to really give advice when I'm still struggling with it myself, but I have improved from where I was.

hope this helps

Ellissa

[Melissa]

well thats all i got right now, its hard for me to really give advice when I'm still struggling with it myself, but I have improved from where I was.

*HUGS*

Melissa

[Annwyn]

Yup!  It can be dramatic.  Why?  Call me a sexist and I'll tell you I am, but females are just more drama!  Why?  I think they're more emotionally sensetive, and as such more emotionalyl responsive, and therefore if you associate with them you partake in all these responses and the reprecussions of it and there you go, DRAMA!
When I transitioned, I've never had more drama in my life.  I cried over boyfriends, and girlfriends, and thought I fell in love in a few hours, and was always turning into a complete um... b word thingy.
The MtF transsexual on hormones is akin to a pregnant woman or a PMSing woman.
The FtM transsexual on hormones shows much more aggression and anger, and is like a dude on PCP.

Transition makes everything more complicated, it's like learning how to drive, you HAVE to know the dance or you won't succeed.  Until you get the hang of it, rest assured on lots of horns being blown.  Drama is just part of being female... I mean it's a good way to determine who your real friends are though, the ones that stick through it all, then there's less drama.  But new people, they care more about themselves and their own gratafications than a friendship...
So let's just face it, us transsexuals are screwed.
So yep, I'm sexist.
Sexist against transsexuals, but I love y'all anyways!
(oh my god, did I just use that tacky southern term?!!!)

^_^
Annwyn

[stephanie_craxford]

...
So let's just face it, us transsexuals are screwed.
...
^_^
Annwyn

Well I hope so 

Steph

[cindianna_jones]

Every once in a while, Steph comes up with a jewel!  What a riot.

LIT  I had the same problem.  People often thought of me as snooty but I was just shy.

This is what I did

I learned to greet every new face and introduce myself.

I wrote down their name and used it as often as possible. People like to hear their own name.

When in discussion, always ask more than you give.  Learn to listen. When you hear somethig interesting, follow up with another question.  People would rather share their life with you than your own.

Read the name badges at the market.  Call people by their names.  You'd be surprised at how soon they will recognize you and enjoy giving you superiror service. It's also a good place to practice chit chat.  "Isn't it hot outside today?", "I love that nail color you have on, what is it?"

When in a tight space with other people, strike up a conversation.  I started this by getting on an elevator, putting my back to the door, and proclaiming some silly statement like "I suppose you are all wondering why I called you here today." or "Why is it that every time I get on an elevator, everyone else faces the wrong direction?" Never let an opportunity pass to talk to a stranger you are forced to spend some time with.

I garantee if you do these things, everyone will change their perception of you to something very positive.

Cindi

[Annwyn]

...
So let's just face it, us transsexuals are screwed.
...
^_^
Annwyn

Well I hope so 

Steph

Blah.
That sounds really nasty.
Nasty woman, Steph.