If I were a stronger person, would I need to do this?

[Nero]

Hey guys and dolls.

Just some doubts/thoughts here as I wait.

If I were a stronger person, would I need to do this? If I were a stronger, better man, wouldn't I be able to rise above the limits of the female body?
Granted, I have GID. But not one human on earth is free from problems.
Why couldn't I just rise above?
Why did I just check out of life when I saw I was a woman?

I think all these nice things about myself and other people (god bless their souls) think them of me too. But the truth is, I just checked out.
Why do I need to change my body to live? What kind of person am I to hate my body parts?
I'm basically admitting that I care how others see me by needing to look like a man.
I'm wondering if I've failed by resorting to changing my body instead of just loving it and accepting it for what it is.
Why couldn't I just rise above all this and be a man who looks like a woman?

Your thoughts.

[placeholdername]

Hey guys and dolls.

Just some doubts/thoughts here as I wait.

If I were a stronger person, would I need to do this? If I were a stronger, better man, wouldn't I be able to rise above the limits of the female body?
Granted, I have GID. But not one human on earth is free from problems.
Why couldn't I just rise above?
Why did I just check out of life when I saw I was a woman?

I think all these nice things about myself and other people (god bless their souls) think them of me too. But the truth is, I just checked out.
Why do I need to change my body to live? What kind of person am I to hate my body parts?
I'm basically admitting that I care how others see me by needing to look like a man.
I'm wondering if I've failed by resorting to changing my body instead of just loving it and accepting it for what it is.
Why couldn't I just rise above all this and be a man who looks like a woman?

Your thoughts.

Why can't alcholics rise above alcoholism?  Why can't racists rise above racism?  Why can't absent fathers go home and take care of their children?  Why can't teenage girls stop worrying so much about body image?  Why can't religious fanatics rise above fanaticism?  Why can't I stop eating chocolate?

I don't want to compare trans-ness to things that are 'problematic', my point is simply that life is not about exerting willpower over 'temptation'.  Strength comes not from determination to avoid facing reality, but rather strength is in how well you face reality without hesitation.  I would say you are stronger now for facing your issues than maybe you were in the past for avoiding them.

[myles]

At first I thought this then I realized the following.
I need to be an even stronger person to be who I am. I could continue to hide but that made me more of a coward, there was nothing strong in that. Strength to me means sticking up for or being who you are and not hiding behind a facade (my female body). To me strength in character is not by conforming to  what others think I should be or what makes others happy  but being who I truly am.
I know the hell it is to live in my body and pretend I am female. I know others that do not transition because circumstance and am not saying its the same for everyone. I am simply saying what it means to me. No one is stronger or weaker as everyone has their own battle, in my situation I needed to believe enough in myself to realize I was worth "standing up for". So for me the biggest show of strength was standing on my own for myself.
If you are comfortable in your female body go for it, I wasn't and  am not. It's different for each person just figure out who you are and be strong enough to stand up for that.
Myles

[sneakersjay]

Hey guys and dolls.

Just some doubts/thoughts here as I wait.

If I were a stronger person, would I need to do this? If I were a stronger, better man, wouldn't I be able to rise above the limits of the female body?
Granted, I have GID. But not one human on earth is free from problems.
Why couldn't I just rise above?
Why did I just check out of life when I saw I was a woman?

I think all these nice things about myself and other people (god bless their souls) think them of me too. But the truth is, I just checked out.
Why do I need to change my body to live? What kind of person am I to hate my body parts?
I'm basically admitting that I care how others see me by needing to look like a man.
I'm wondering if I've failed by resorting to changing my body instead of just loving it and accepting it for what it is.
Why couldn't I just rise above all this and be a man who looks like a woman?

Your thoughts.

Nero, you were born this way.  It's not your fault.  It's very difficult if not impossible to continue living in the wrong body.  You know this.  I know this.  It's why we transition.  Transition also can be hard.  But it can also be extremely freeing.

Yes, it would have been nice to have been born with a female brain in our female bodies, but it didn't happen.  That is my one wish also: to have been born normal.  But life on the other side is wonderful.  Except dating!     I'm getting way too much drama from the ladies!!! 

Jay

[MaggieB]

I have been wrestling with the issue myself. Why did I finally succumb to GID to the point that I had to transition when before I spent decades acting the part?  I have discussed this with older transsexuals who did not transition yet and may never do so.  I envied their resolve and strength.  I was drowning and transition was my only hope yet now that I feel safe and am not upset, the worry of why I couldn't stop comes back. I think it is because I don't feel bad about myself anymore. I am OK inside and out but now as a female but my problems are with others, not me.  They want me not to have done this and the pressure is still there even though there is no going back and they know it.  They want me to know how unhappy they are for my happiness.  I just did not see this one coming and it is a struggle.

Maggie

[Nicky]

Maybe if you were stronger, had more resolve, more stamina, more mental toughness you could live in total misery a lot longer. If you had the strength then you would rise above the scum to live in the crap. Why would that be a good thing?

It sounds like you are really questionning your own value as a person. Perhaps you are seeing transition as a personal failure?

But you know what? You are worth it buddy. Transition is no failure of character. You are being honest, you are admitting you are who you are, you are willing to go to great lengths to be that person. You are doing something about it instead of sitting about pissing and moaning about how miserable you are feeling. You are not checking out Nero, you are checking in to this world as a real complete person.

[Miniar]

It takes a stronger man to stand up and be who you are, regardless of whether or not people will like it, than to live in denial/hiding.

[FairyGirl]

It takes a stronger man to stand up and be who you are, regardless of whether or not people will like it, than to live in denial/hiding.

yes, what he said. I think it takes an incredible amount of courage to finally do something about GID instead of suffering in silence. Seems like rising above is exactly what you ARE doing. Yay for you! 

[mina.magpie]

Hi Nero,

A similar question came up elsewhere. I replied last night, but then today I started reading Amber K's "True Magick", and in the introduction there's a passage that just absolutely fit that thread ... and this one:

Perhaps this is the goal of all spiritual paths: to reconnect to the Source, to bridge the chasm of illusion that makes us feel separate and alone, to come Home.

But the quest requires us to change, and magick is an effective tool for this: we cant know what we are changing into until we experience the change. By then it's too late for second thoughts. We cannot change back; we only keep changing or wither.

Because we give up our old selves, any change is a "little death" that is a necessary first step to rebirth. To choose this, to will it, and to seek it out is an act of incredible courage. Magick requires daring. Not to change is to stagnate and die; but to willingly offer up the life we know is to find a greater life.

That in turn reminded me of something I read on a forum many moons ago. Basically the poster asserted that ALL trans people eventually commit suicide. Either they kill themselves physically, or they kill their old selves.

When you think about it, transition, from the moment you accept yourself and start to think about and work towards that goal, is a profound act of alchemy - magick aimed at personal evolution. We are recreating ourselves through force of Will in ways more profound than most people can imagine.[/i]

We ARE strong Nero. Being true to ourselves and going after that despite the resistance and the obstacles and recriminations and doubts and fears ... that takes bucketloads of strength and perseverance. If your doubts are about this being the right path for you, then explore that fully, because even if you end up not transitioning, if that is truly YOUR Will, you have still been transformed. If your doubts are there though because you think yourself weak, not because you really are, but because others have tried to convince you - well, that isn't worth your time or your worry.

Mina.

[NicholeW.]

Nero, my friend, you've talked yourself into a false dichotomy.

There's a lot in the world that requires us to "be strong." But as others have pointed out that doesn't mean swimming upstream against a swift current just so one can say "my!! look at my accomplishment, I held my own against the current!!"

Why does it never strike anyone that flowing with the current takes strength as well? Prolly even more?

Like all those folks who are exhorting you that you don't need to do this to be a man. What exactly are they doing in their lives? I'd be willing to bet they're going with the flow that's made when their sense that they are properly sexed with their brain says "be a man. or be a woman."

Well, given your mismatch of brain and body sex aren't you doing exactly the same? The best way any of us can? Matching body to brain?

Go with the flow, my dear, your flow, not someone else's. That takes not only strength, but also wisdom and courage.

Love,

Nichole

[sneakersjay]

Quote from: Miniar on Today at 05:27:45 pm
It takes a stronger man to stand up and be who you are, regardless of whether or not people will like it, than to live in denial/hiding.

yes, what he said. I think it takes an incredible amount of courage to finally do something about GID instead of suffering in silence. Seems like rising above is exactly what you ARE doing. Yay for you! 

I came back to add this, but they beat me to it!


Jay

[myles]

I agree with what Jay said, worded better than the way I said it!
Myles

[Ms.Behavin]

While transitioning takes strength and courage to just be ones self.  Ive found that after transition it's just so much easier being me.  No background noise saying I should be a girl.  No more worries that I'm seen behaving "gay".  Gee I'm not gay, just was a girls mind traped in a male body.  The world just makes since now.

But yes I too had to ask myself did I really need to do thing.  It's not easy to begin, but it's 10 times harder not to transition.

Beni

[Janet_Girl]

It is far better and takes more strength to raise to the challenge of changing the body to match the mind, than to change the mind to match the body.  It is cowardice to continue to hide behind the body and allow others to dictate one's life as they see it.

You are a strong man, little brother.  You can and will continue on as you need to, to be all you can be.

Love Ya, Hon
Janet

[Alyssa M.]

If I had been stronger I would have not worried as much about what people thought of me -- true statement.

But that wouldn't have delayed my transition. It would have hastened it. If I hadn't been such a mess, I could have transitioned a decade ago, and probably would have. There were so many times I could have faced my problems and done something about them.

As long as I avoided transitioning, it was out of weakness and not strength.

[Janet_Girl]

I am stronger now though transition, then I ever was though being what other saw.  I am my own person now and don't care that others think I am wrong.  They can go about their petty little lives, feeling sorry for themselves.  But for me, I move forward to the ultimate goal, total and utter freedom from the miserable life I had before.

You. my dear Nero, shall also be stronger as you move forward.

Janet