Not sure what to say to my parents

[Janet Merai]

I recently got a part-time job at a food market (grocery store) and plan to begin my transsexual journey.
Yes, I have a girlfriend, same as me (male to female) who knows and accepts me 100%.

However, my parents seem to steer clear of any feminine traits I have or anything regarding me wanting to become a woman and the biggest one is that, if I heard it "right" my father told me he may disown me as a family member if I go through this.

More and more I am beginning to dislike my entire family due to this stupid stagnation people call "discrimination" and my grandmother, best gay friend, online friends and my girlfriend are the only ones I can ever rely on for support.

I don't know much about my father because he keeps to himself mostly but my mother seems to not mind though I think she is having problems with my decision.

I really just want to get this over with and BE myself instead of hiding my real self from my family because almost noone wants to see me in woman's clothing or in makeup.

In about 3 months or a bit more my girlfriend is taking me to Texas and that will likely mark the end of my life with most of my family due to discrimination.

How do I approach my parents, what do I tell them or say?
I am very open minded and not afraid of what others think or say... but its like I can't talk to them at all since I live with them temporarily... any ideas on how to get through this barrier of discrimination?

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Janet,   

Love the first name for some reason. 

Welcome to our little family. Over 2100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another sister.   

Parents and family can be the worst to tell.  But moving could be a good thing.

Janet

[Saraloop]

Make them realize that it's a serious matter and that it won't go away and that you love them and hope they love you regardless of what happens. If they still want to disown you after you know they took it seriously, then ->-bleeped-<- it, doesn't look like they'll accept you easily. Probably just time can work at then.

[Janet Merai]

I do explore my feminine mind, soul and body, but for unsaid reasons I will edit this line.

(Hi Janet Lynn :3)

It will be a tough thing to do but if they really love me I know the right thing to do is question them about it... if nothing goes well, I am moving on and forgetting any family member who will not support me :3

[Saraloop]

Don't need to scorn those that don't accept you, but yeah you also don't need to seek their approval. You can still treat them normally, and maybe with time they'll accept you. Because alot of the time it's just the innate shock that prevents people to accept it, gradually with time they usually come to their senses.

[Janet Merai]

You are not the only person who has told me not to take my parents out of my life, but I do agree I should let my family sort of get use to it... but that could be tough too.

I am sure things will work out in time but helpful advice is always a great piece of information for later :3

[Saraloop]

 Yeah, I think it sucks when someone has to put so much effort just to get someone's approval, and it might not even work, and that's why I'd almost be up to take someone out of my life myself,.. but I can't deny how nice it's been to have had someone to rely on when in a time of need.  You can always make new friends, but you only have one family.
I'd say, just go about it in whatever way feels natural to you.

[Jaimey]

It might be helpful to have them speak to a gender counselor.

[Cindy]

Sometimes writing a letter to them can help. They will read your pain and hopefully accept. Often it's the male members who have problems with MtF. How could anyone give up a prick?
It's the same discrimination that women have to put up with all the time.

Hope it works out. Rarely glad you have you're girl friend. Love to give her and you my best wishes.

Cindy James

[Janet Merai]

Thank you for the advice everyone :3

I had a talk with my mother and father about me dressing up and using makeup.

My father said:

"You are a man in my house, you stay a man and no crap like that AT ALL.
When you go to Texas or whatever it is you are doing, do whatever the hell you want."

My mother actually said nothing at all, which makes me think she is likely to accept me, though it seems rigid like a game of Jenga (the game where you pull blocks out from a stack before it topples over).

I am going to have a few words with my father though about my opinions about it, he seems like a snake at first but he always hide in the bushes and is less likely to notice much.
(He's not that into knowing about genders and facial or bodily things at all, so he is likely to miss it)

[cindybc]

You see I felt I would be better off dead than continue living in misery. I changed my mind when I discovered there was something I could do about this disorder named transsexuality and its side kick GID. I realised that I wouldn't be of any use to anyone dead and decided I wanted to live, and do whatever I needed to, to survive and live as whom I believed myself to be at any cost.

Funny thing about family, when it was just a consideration towards a possible resulting consequence every one was open minded about the topic.

But when the day I began transitioning came I was left in their dust as though I had just broken out all over in red spots from some exotic contagious disease

Having tried to get acceptance from family was like trying to extract teeth from chicken. For the most part it was a failure and a waste of time, but I never closed the door behind them. To this day, 9 years later that door still remains open.

In the end I couldn't live the lie anymore and had to do what ever I could do to make it right for myself if I were to survive.

At least, alive, and as my true self I saw one kid off to college and another I saved from an abusive spouse and got her started in a new life. I tried with all my heart to help my son and even my ex, as well as having a friends three children in my care at the time.

I continued working as a social worker and I believe that once the decision was made and I accepted my true self, I never before knew real peace in my life like I did at that time. As a result I became even more efficient at my job, I had not only learned to accept myself but also learned to truly love who I was. In doing this I also learned to know how to truly love others.

Today I see it as a blessing, my entire life had been a lie, pretending to be be what I wasn't only just to try to conform to what society expected from me to present as. The lessons and the experience of my journey is not yet over, but the light guiding me grows brighter by every step forward I take.

Cindy

[Saraloop]

Perhaps you could have started with how you feel, before talking about dressing and makeup. Since the real issue is about your feelings rather than what you need to do to cope with them.

I'm sure it'll be ok. At the very least you got them thinking.

[Janet Merai]

An update to this is I sent out a coming out letter further explaining how I feel which was easy to do (I made a word document and sent it via email) to my parents and my father has already told me he read it and will discuss it with me later, my mother hasn't read it obviously as she is not a computer person like me, my father and the rest of my siblings minus my sister.

Not really being sure, I fear being kicked out because I have no-where else to go so you can sort of consider it black-mail to get someone to do what you WANT them to do in your favor (disgusting).
However, I just want to be me and yes it is hell at first because you have to work your as- off just to get what you want (as I have been learning) but in the end it DOES pay off.

Suffering from depression due to this gender disorder is not helping at all especially living a life I both hate and despise and WISH to rid myself of (I am talking about being Janet Merai and not my legal name plus life).

I will update you later hopefully if my parents do not kick me off the computer or some weird thing like that which I know them to be kind of weird but nice people and they are supportive in traditional ways and I just want them to understand who I really am.
Though if they do not want to understand me for who I really am... there is nothing I can do because I do NOT believe in pushing someone's beliefs to the test, I myself have even said I have no interest in religion so I would not push Atheism down someone's throat because I do not believe in god or like religion at all.

I will update you people later.

[Janet_Girl]

Good luck, Janet.  Family is the hardest part.  At least they are now aware of how you feel.

Janet

[Janet Merai]

The talk went absolutely horrible, read the topic I made about it.

"Parents deny ->-bleeped-<-" or something like that.