Outed at Work

[darkreign]

So Ive been on T for about four months now. All is good - seem to be passing well, about a month ago I started a new job. They wanted my birth certificate (which has female on it), so I told them I was transioning and the manager was like - no worries ok and didnt ask anything else about it. Ordered me the male uniform and such.
I thought I was going really well at work, there is about 10 other staff members, we all get along great - they never looked at me funny, always said he and stuff, so I assumed I was passing well and all was great.
Today one of the girls who I get along really well with asked me if it was ok to ask some questions about my transion, she said she was just curious but understood if I didnt want to talk about it. I assumed she found out from my facebook (im in a couple of ftm groups on there) and said yeh no worries, cause we get along really well.
Like I said to her, its not something I hide but its not something I want to announce either. So we chatted for a bit and then she told me that EVERYBODY at work knows. Apparntly the boss/manager told them all after she hired me. She said a few ppl were a bit worried at first but after the first week everyone agreed that I was a awesome worker and person.
I mean its great that they are all expecting, and like I said we all get along really well. But I am a bit worried/pissed-off that EVERYONE was told. Kind of like a kick in the guts, I dont mind outing myself or if gossip gets around from something I said or did (or have on my facebook) but I dont feel it was the bosses/managers place to say it.
Should I just let it slide? Like I said I enjoy working there and the people are great, but now I feel awkward that everyone was told. Would you bother saying anything to her? or just ignore it now. Ive been working there for about a month now
Any advice is appericated - thanks guys

[Nero]

hi and welcome Darkreign.

From what it sounds like just with the info from your post, the manager mistaken thought she was facilitating the situation by explaining to everybody, so there'd be no problems or questions. Sounds like she thought she was trying to help.
I think it was just ignorance on her part. But yeah, it sucks.

[Zelane]

Something similar happened to me. When I found out everybody "knew" I was quite pissed at the two persons who made all that mess.

Plus those retards and lowlife scum where using the wrong pronouns all the time. It was such a big blow to my poor self esteem. Plus they didnt get the facts right...

You can try talking with your manager about it. But he probably felt it was better to inform the staff to prevent someone could freak out or even create problems if they "found out"

[Maebh]

In a sense I can understand you are pissed off and feel betrayed but at the interview did you mention that you would prefer for people not to know? If so she broke the confidentiality and might need to be remembered that you would prefer to tell  in your own way to whom and when you want to. Would she tell customers or suppliers? In anycase from what you say, I don't think she did it out malice but more of concern about peoples reaction in finding out later on. I'm glad that they all accepted you as you are and that even the co-worker who approached you did so in such a respectful way, which might indicate that she didn't do such a bad job after all. So if you need to talk with her make sure that she doesn't feel attacked or criticised. You might even tank her for trying to help but make it clear that she needs to respect your privacy.
LL&R
Maebh   

[tekla]

Putting something on Facebook is the 21st Century equivelent to spray painting it in day-glo letters ten feet high on the side of WallMart.  To that degree you outed yourself.

If you want to keep something a secret, you don't tell anyone.  As a local biker gang says: Three can keep a secret if two are dead.

And, I'm not sure how much information in a business setting is confindential in the first place.

[Annwyn]

That's how it happened with me, and I think it's for the best.  It gave me room for error as I grew into the woman I am today.  Now I'm at the point that if someone were to point at me and say, "that's a man," noone would believe it.  In the work place, people's disapproval is set aside by tasks at hand.  People's snide comments can make it harder for a bit, but eventually they come into work one day worn out, sick, or tired and see you working extra hard to pick up their slack and look at you like you're a complete stranger and then it clicks: you've earned their respect.

So now I'm about ready to transfer out to another pharmacy with a new start, once i get my name change documents in order.

[darkreign]

Putting something on Facebook is the 21st Century equivelent to spray painting it in day-glo letters ten feet high on the side of WallMart.  To that degree you outed yourself.

If you want to keep something a secret, you don't tell anyone.  As a local biker gang says: Three can keep a secret if two are dead.

And, I'm not sure how much information in a business setting is confindential in the first place.

Did u read my post??? I said I would mind if she had found out from my facebook but she had already found out from my boss when I first started..........thats what upsets me is that everybody knows but I didnt tell them, we have a number of different sites in town and now I wonder when I go and work at one of them are all those employees told too, because thats a big no-no. If they find out through gossip fair enough, but to be told by management shouldnt happen. I pass as a guy, the only reason management knew anything was because of my birth cert - it doesnt give them the right to tell everybody!

[tekla]

In fact, my first thought was, 'well if this company has some sort of non-discrimination policy, I'd get the crew together and make sure we were all on the same page of the policy manual.'  I'd inform them that you would fall under that policy, and no unacceptable behavior would be tolerated. 

I'd do that, not out of any concern or care for you, or the crew, but to cover my ass in the company because I'm bound by the policy too, and would be held accountable for the actions of the people under me.

And, information within a business is not covered really.  And people at work talk.  God do they talk. 

[Osiris]

If you didn't say that you'd like to keep this information secret (and have it posted on a public site that the other workers can access) then you can't really blame your boss. Like Tekla said, she probably wanted to make sure that everyone knew the policies, etc.

It may not have come out like you'd have wanted, but it seems to have worked out since everyone is accepting and even curious about your transition. This could be a great way to educate people on something they wouldn't normally know.

And honestly, I can't understand your point of view actually WANTING the information spread through gossip. o.O This is when people get strange ideas about you and make weird assumptions. At least when someone with authority says "hey this is going on with so-n-so" they get it told to them straight and know that it's not an issue with the company, and by extension shouldn't be an issue with them.

[tekla]

Stopping gossip at work (or anywhere really) is like trying to stop the ocean with a spoon.  People like to talk about other people, and its often a way of figuring out how they should feel and or act.  And with the people I work with, if were not talking about you, you know we hate you so much we don't even think its worth it.

[K8]

I thought I was going really well at work, there is about 10 other staff members, we all get along great - they never looked at me funny, always said he and stuff, so I assumed I was passing well and all was great.
Today one of the girls who I get along really well with asked me if it was ok to ask some questions about my transion, she said she was just curious but understood if I didnt want to talk about it. I assumed she found out from my facebook (im in a couple of ftm groups on there) and said yeh no worries, cause we get along really well.
Like I said to her, its not something I hide but its not something I want to announce either. So we chatted for a bit...

I can understand you being upset because your boss told everyone without you knowing, but it sounds like everyone has accepted you as a guy and as a worthwhile addition to their team and they like you and want to work with you.  So I think you're in a good place.  You might speak to your boss about being blind-sided, but only if you can do it in a non-confrontational way.  Otherwise, it sounds very much like as if you had transitioned there and were fully supported and accepted during that transition.  How bad is that?

I'm not sure we can transition once and be done with it. 

- Kate