How I know I'm not a transsexual.

[Hypatia]

Oh, I agree with you. Transsexual (note: double -ss- not single -s-!) is the term I use to talk about my medical history.

[NicholeW.]

True, but if one thinks about it Transexual is perhaps a more correct term than Transgender, that is assuming we take gender as a constant... N'est-ce pas?

For me transsexual makes everso much more sense than transgender. And that has nothing to do with Virginia Prince (may she be living her years out in peace.)

My problem was never with "gender" per se. A lot of the time prior to beginning transition I was being exiled for my behaviors (too gay, too effeminate) or trying very hard to discharge those into the air around me where they'd leave me alone.

My disagreements with myself were always of the visible sexual dissonance I found with secondary sexual characteristics.

I cannot help the way the USA cultural milieu has been poisoned from day one by Puritans, Anabaptists, Reformed evangelicals and their by-blows and offspring. The damned religious here manage to skew practically all discussions and all science toward the ridiculous anyhow with their sheer priggery and fear that "god will be displeased."

Who cares, maybe a bit of purposeful displeasure given to that white-haired, old plug-in-the-sky wouldn't be half-bad. (Oops, wrong rant! )

Anyhow, for me the disturbance was always about my sex not my gender. What I transitioned wasn't a gender presentation so much (which was always more natural for me than studied any way) but my sexual presentation.

And no, none of that has anything to do with the prurience of someone else's mind.

Nichole

[Miniar]

I think that we only add to the stigma of transsexual as a word if we shy away from using it..

And I do agree that ts is a more correct term, at least to me, than trans-gender as I'm not entirely sure I believe in "gender".

[Paulina]

I actually like the word transsexual, only if you really say the word 'ssexual' in it like with power, and a deep way like Marilyn Monroe would say it.

...
I hate the word ->-bleeped-<- it sounds like a disease to me.

Today I didn't feel like a transsexual, but I imagine how I would be as a girl in math class. But all day I thought life would be more easier and simpler just as a gay guy, and it be a lot better than a transsexual in the family....

Eh...I don't know. Maybe it's the passing part that bothers me the most... or something...

---

and my career of choice, since I really need to pass if I want this career. It's okay to be a guy, and okay to be a girl, but to look like both in this career is like crazy talk. (I don't think I can pass all the way, with every inch of my skin passing)......

Would it matter if I was just a gay guy? I will still find love, still have my dream career, and most likely my family will never know about it so it's out of mind. And my immediate family will just have to accept.

Transsexual is a different issue though.....

[Seshatneferw]

I fought for 55 years, and one can not go on fighting.  If you are fight your GID then you need to understand that you will transition sometime.

Also, while you may think you are fighting your GID, what you are really fighting is yourself. That's a no-win task: either you are stronger than you and pummel yourself to the ground, or you are weaker than yourself, and get run over. Either way you'll end up miserable. The only way to win is by accepting yourself -- all of you.

But while you are doing that, try to remember to smile every now and then, whenever you can manage it. It helps too.

Good luck,

  Nfr

[Lori]

1) I have found out what specific triggers there are for my GID, and using learning-behavior techniques, have taught myself to no longer associate those stimuli with GID thoughts, but with more neutral ones.

Seriously I think mine are physical...ya know some type of weird genetic screw up. I get all weird even in my dreams. I can't even sleep without being female. Not sure how you combat that.

2) I have done my best to focus on the things in my life that I have, rather than the things in my life I don't have.

I dwell constantly on what I do have. You would have to be nuts to give it all up because you are TS and had to face it. Why do you think its taken 40 years of fighting?

3) I have learned that depression and other negative mental states provoke my GID and the GID persists long after the depressive stimulus is removed. Thus, I do my best to control and prevent depression and drama in my life.

GID causes my depression.

4) I have learned never, never, never to pretend my GID doesn't exist. Doing so, even in periods where it is not bothering me as much, always stimulates the return of symptoms and they are normally far worse.

I know it exists..I just chose not to deal with it because just about every transitioned person I've talked to flat said if you can fight it or not transition then by god do what you have to do to not transition. Its the last resort.

5) This goes along with #4, but I don't try to be anything I'm not. I stopped playing "roles" for other people. The roles invariably caused me difficulty as I often tried to appear as "masculine" as I could muster.

Look at my sig. Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.  ~Judy Garland

6) I am open with others about my condition. Being open with others allows for greater authenticity in the relationship and less tendency to want to meet their expectations of me as a male.

Most people I know are uneducated and think TS are some weird sicko sex cult. Or I'm gay. I stopped telling people about it. It makes them uncomfortable. You run out of people to deal with on a daily basis. Texas is not exactly the go to state for sex change ya know?

7) I have several very close friends (including my wife) with whom I can speak to at any time when I start to feel the symptoms come on. They all know me and my struggles and are there when needed - fortunately I'm relying on them less and less.

After 9 years my wife is tired of talking about....seriously.

I think of all that I'd lose if I were to transition again and the pain it would bring about.

I'm a little fuzzy on that statement. If the idea is to be yourself then why worry about the pain it causes others. What about the pain it is causing me. Plus I thought you chose to not transition.....

9) I present myself more androgynously in that I don't try to dress stereotypically for my sex - this prevents me from going into a role that is not conducive with my inner self.

Yeah, that works like pouring a thimble full of water on a forest fire on somebody like me.

I hope this helps.  I would be willing to talk to you more should you choose.  This is a big time in your life, so I look forward to seeing your progress, whatever you decide to do.

With 34 years of fighting this I'm tired.

Have you heard of drawing a line on the table and numbering it from 1-20 ? You start on 10. 1 is female and 20 is male. Not all females land on 1. Not all males land on 20.
Not all females will be in the 1-10 range. And not all males will be in the 10-20 range.

So if 1 was TS and 20 was as Non TS as you could get and we started at 10....where would you land. Where would I?

We are not the same and that is ok. There is no cut and dry pattern that works for everybody. I'm happy you don't have to transition. You should be elated and I am actually a little jealous. I tell myself ..if only I could be this or that. My wife says...WHY CAN"T YOU JUST BE GAY??

It would be so much easier and cheaper.

[tgirljuliewilson]

Try taking a college course, or read a book or two about, Decision Analysis.

It sounds to me like the weight of the decision is what is bothering you, more than going down the path any of the choices would lead to.

Keep with the natural plumbing, and accept that life, making the best life you can with your wife.

or

Finish what you started, and proceed down the HRT transition path, even FFS if desired.

or

Be as feminine as you want to be, as much and as often as your family will tolerate.

etc., etc.

But my point is that once you make a decision, after careful consideration of all of the pro's and con's of all of the alternatives, then GO with that decision!  Either put out to sea and drop anchor, or run the ship up onto the beach, but the longer you keep foundering in the storm the closer you get to smashing up against the rocks.

It is the uncertainty of your life that has you going in cirlces.  Pick a direction, and live peacefully down that path, putting all the doubts behind you.


(just my 2 cents)

[FairyGirl]

For me transsexual makes everso much more sense than transgender. And that has nothing to do with Virginia Prince (may she be living her years out in peace.)

My problem was never with "gender" per se. A lot of the time prior to beginning transition I was being exiled for my behaviors (too gay, too effeminate) or trying very hard to discharge those into the air around me where they'd leave me alone.

My disagreements with myself were always of the visible sexual dissonance I found with secondary sexual characteristics.

I cannot help the way the USA cultural milieu has been poisoned from day one by Puritans, Anabaptists, Reformed evangelicals and their by-blows and offspring. The damned religious here manage to skew practically all discussions and all science toward the ridiculous anyhow with their sheer priggery and fear that "god will be displeased."

Who cares, maybe a bit of purposeful displeasure given to that white-haired, old plug-in-the-sky wouldn't be half-bad. (Oops, wrong rant! )

Anyhow, for me the disturbance was always about my sex not my gender. What I transitioned wasn't a gender presentation so much (which was always more natural for me than studied any way) but my sexual presentation.

And no, none of that has anything to do with the prurience of someone else's mind.

Nichole

lol I think I love you  I'm just learning this bewildering terminology stuff is such a hot topic, and sometimes truly afraid I might inadvertently say the wrong thing and be swiftly put in my place. But I think I like the word "transsexual" better than "transgender", too. I mean, I'm female and that has never changed, so my gender isn't really "trans" anything.

[Suzy]

Welcome back, honey.  Looks like it's time for another pendulum swing for you.  This has to be killing you.  If all this is stemming from your wondering about transition, try it.  In the words of Led Zeppelin, there's still time to change the road you're on. 

Take care, sweetie, and be good to yourself.

Kristi

[Lori]

Dear Lori,

Welcome back.

The key is, just maybe, not being TS but being willing to be one's self in every way that's possible. If that means transitioning, then so be it. If it means not transitioning then so be that.

Every transition is always part of a larger journey: growing into who one is, moment by moment, day by day.

Nichole

Thank you.

I think the key is doing it without worrying about transition. Just keep taking the stuff and let happen what happens. Like a stealth transition.....You don't plan on it. Just don't stop taking the HRT and eventually it will all just work out. 
Post Merge: April 22, 2009, 08:16:28 PM

Welcome back, honey.  Looks like it's time for another pendulum swing for you.  This has to be killing you.  If all this is stemming from your wondering about transition, try it.  In the words of Led Zeppelin, there's still time to change the road you're on. 

Take care, sweetie, and be good to yourself.

Kristi

Wow we have a lot to chat about lol.

[NicholeW.]

Thank you.

I think the key is doing it without worrying about transition. Just keep taking the stuff and let happen what happens. Like a stealth transition.....You don't plan on it. Just don't stop taking the HRT and eventually it will all just work out. 

You're welcome!

Yes! Just let your life "sneak-up" on ya, darlin'. It's not rocket science, luv. Don't over-think it. Just allow yourself to be who you are. By whatever means necessary!

Nichole

[Alyssa M.]

I'm not transsexual. I'm not transgendered. (And I'm definitely not "transgender" -- that usage hurts my ears on grammatical grounds. ) I'm just me. Both of those words have so much baggage that I strongly avoid using either of them -- especially "transsexual" -- around people who aren't. I would probably be a good thing if I got over that.

But I am transgendered in the sense that my sense of my own gender doesn't align with how the vast majority of people I have ever met see me.

I am transsexual in that I have always been troubled by the physical sexual characteristics which alienated me from others of my gender.

[Butterfly]

But I'm not a TS.

~huggles~ To me you're a woman.  I'll never understand some people's obsession with being known as "a transsexual" but to each his own.  Medically, I suffer from transsexualism; it's been a cross I've had to bear since I could reason but like I told you, after my GRS  I'm following the same path as some peeps here, going "poof", going into oblivion & never calling myself trans anything anymore.

[jixe]

I always forget what i was going to say when i click the reply button....

I live with the mental pain, t anxiety and the denial to varying degrees, ive tried to transition 3 times now and found it heaven with the estrogen, 4th time lucky!! (don't ask )
just saying really, that i know its mega hard....

BUT IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT IN THE END.....

peace ;-)

[Hypatia]

BUT IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT IN THE END.....

peace ;-)

Yes. It truly is. Bottom line.

And that indeed means peace. Peace within the individual, no longer at war with herself-- hopefully, in the aggregate, contributing to peace on earth.

[Ms.Behavin]

Hi lori,

Yes I've been there too.  Thought I would never ever pass.  Coming to grips with oneself is not always easy.

BTW just because you transition does not mean you have to sell the motorcycle ;-)

Welcome back

Beni

[Lori]

I always forget what i was going to say when i click the reply button....

I live with the mental pain, t anxiety and the denial to varying degrees, ive tried to transition 3 times now and found it heaven with the estrogen, 4th time lucky!! (don't ask )
just saying really, that i know its mega hard....

BUT IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT IN THE END.....

peace ;-)

4 x's is a charm then....

I'm going to play dumb and use plausible deniability.I've heard both sides of the coin. It will be soo worth it/why did I wait so long and if you can stave it off and never transition, that is what you must do. Don't transition if there is any other choice.

I will admit....estrogen is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I love it....soft skin..no hair on my body. I must not be well. I'm not supposed to like this stuff. I'm a DAD damnit....

[NicholeW.]

I'm a DAD damnit....

But before you were "a Dad dammit" you were Lori, or whatever name was attached to the you you are.

So, some Dads apparently love soft skin and hairless bodies for themselves and they feel glorious when they are filling their bodies with estrogen.

You were right. You're not a transsexual. You're a woman who needs to transsex in order to find the next stage of her developmental growth. Or, that's what it sounds like to me. I've heard all of that before, Lore. In my own head.

Nichole

[Lori]

Hi lori,

Yes I've been there too.  Thought I would never ever pass.  Coming to grips with oneself is not always easy.

BTW just because you transition does not mean you have to sell the motorcycle ;-)

Welcome back

Beni

Thanks..you look great~~
Post Merge: April 28, 2009, 09:03:41 PM

But before you were "a Dad dammit" you were Lori, or whatever name was attached to the you you are.

So, some Dads apparently love soft skin and hairless bodies for themselves and they feel glorious when they are filling their bodies with estrogen.

You were right. You're not a transsexual. You're a woman who needs to transsex in order to find the next stage of her developmental growth. Or, that's what it sounds like to me. I've heard all of that before, Lore. In my own head.

Nichole

That is one way to look at it. I've always been Lori insideh. Just too scared to be her in life.

[Just Kate]

I'm a DAD damnit....

You are correct, and that's makes this decision so important.  I apologize if what I say is in any way offensive, but please understand, I wish the best for you and your family.  In the pain you are in, it will be tempting, if it is not already, to think only of the pain, to think mostly of yourself and doing whatever it takes to make it go away.  There will be some here that will tell you that only you matter, and anyone who disagrees with you does not.  I am here to say the opposite.

You are not your own.  You belong to your children and (presumably) your wife.  As you make the choices you make, please consider them - transition will cause them unavoidable pain.  You did not choose to have GID, but you do choose what you do with it and how you affect the people around you.  If the choice is truly between transition or die, as it is for many, justifying that choosing to transition rather than being a dead does NOT a noble act of fatherhood make (as some make it out to be) - it takes more than choosing to live to be a noble father.  Please do not leave their potential pain out of your equation no matter how hard they take it if you tell them, no matter how tempting it is to focus on your pain.

Best of luck to you, I don't envy your position.  Many make transition about not having a choice, so I will put it this way.  You didn't choose to have GID; they didn't choose to have a father/husband who transitioned.  I pray for happiness for you all.

I imagine this post will be incredibly unpopular, and I'm sorry to any who it offends.  I just hate when I see posts that encourage people to focus only on themselves and not think anyone else matters, so I decided to speak before they did in favor of humility, meekness, selflessness, and charity.